Synthetic Evil!

Random Raging Rant No. 2: Technology

 Since the 90′s, we humans have begun to move into the technological age filled with an unimaginable amount of fantastic fandangos. Phones that only text and call, TV’s that only play analog, video players and gaming consoles with cute shitty graphics? Please! We now have phones that have everything from internet to games, TV’s that play digital and 3D channels, DVD’s and Bluerays, and top of the line gaming with graphics that virtually knock your socks off. All these things are all wonderful and great of course, UNTIL THEY COMPLETELY SHIT THEIR PANTS FOR ABSOLUTELY NO REASON. WHAT. SO. EVER.

Imagine technology is a person. Now this person and I, we don’t exactly get along. In fact, I would like to hit this person. With a monster truck. At 500km an hour. Multiple times. Then burn them on a bonfire and dance around it.

I have the uncanny ability of making every piece of technology I touch malfunction, so much so that I believe that it is no longer coincidence. So it seems that this absolute burning hate dislike I have for technology is not only one-sided. I came to this conclusion:

When I went into my phone contacts, which was apparently too much to ask of my phone, and it completely shat itself. Permanently.

 When my new phone decided it really likes sending me messages telling me where I am via satellite, even if I haven’t changed my location. EVERY. DAY. HUNDREDS OF TIMES.

When my computer got bored with life and ate its hard drive. While I was writing important assignments. Twice.

 When I was writing my last post and my computer was being an asshole critic and deleted it before I could manage to post it. THREE TIMES.

And when I am happily playing a game, any game, on literally any gaming console, and it freezes, coincidentally AFTER I HAVEN’T SAVED IN ABOUT AN HOUR. IT HAS ABSOLUTELY NO PATTERN WHAT SO EVER. IT COULD HAPPEN WHILE I AM DOING SOMETHING EPIC LIKE FIGHTING A DRAGON OR SOMETHING SIMPLE LIKE MAKING MY SIM TAKE A CRAP ON THE JOHN.

Excuse me one moment.

While I’ll admit to my fair share of destroying pieces of technology through my incurable and persistent klutziness (perhaps by dropping them or spilling liquid on them . . . . . ), it seem about 99% of the time, I just have to touch the thing and it breaks. This absolutely flipping fantastic talent of destroying every electronic I touch is going as far as ATM’s not working for me! When I tell people this, they always say ‘You must be doing something wrong then, no one is THAT unlucky.’ Yet then when I see them do exactly what I’d do, things work fine for them. So I am here to tell you that it IS in fact possible to be that unlucky with technology, for here I am!  Yet as much as it pains me and as much as I hate technology, I always go back to using it. I mean how else am I supposed to write blogs, type essays and play Lego Starwars?! It just makes me want to put my head through a wall that something that provides me an enormous amount of entertainment also makes me want to cave someones skull in. I will always TRY (key word being ‘try’) to use electronics, knowing that at some point they’ll no doubt malfunction on me. I’ll have a tantrum that’d rival a 3 year olds, sit in the corner pouting and sulking for an hour, then go turn the stupid thing back on. It’s a vicious cycle. And a love hate relationship.

But mostly hate

Until next rant my lovlies! ^_^