Remain Insane

Ramblings of an animal loving, people hating, game enthusing, book nerd :D

I didn’t trip, I was attacking the floor . . . . with my face May 21, 2012

Filed under: The Ramblings — Gemma @ 6:58 pm
Tags: , , , , , ,

I am about as agile and nimble as a mountain goat on crack.

 My mind is actually quite graceful. It knows perfectly well how to properly walk down a flight of stairs, or walk properly at all for that matter, while avoiding looking like a ninny. My limbs dearly wishes to follow through on this, but this happy combination of elegant mind and body is apparently too much of an appallingly boring idea for the rest of my body. In the process of the delicately formed messages of elegance and poise being sent from my mind to my arms and legs, every single one of my synapses simultaneously decides to be a total asshole, and rather than executing an action in the graceful form my brain commanded, they decide to take their own fun little spin on things. Hilarity often ensues, which comes in the form of flailing limbs and chaos:

What my brain says: Ok Gemma, firstly open the door, THEN walk forward.

What my body does: KEEP WALKING WHILE OPENING DOOR! :D

What my brain says: Don’t skip the last step or you’ll fall. And make sure you hold onto your stuff tightly just in case.

What my body does: SKIP LAST STEP! THROW ALL OBJECTS! :D

What my brain says: You guys did a great job, high five time!

What my body does: FACE HIGH FIVE! :D

What my brain says: Chocolate goes in your mouth Gemma.

What my body does: CHOCOLATE GOES ON FACE! :D

Add these on top of answering those who say hello to you with ‘Good thanks’ or ‘Hi-lo’ (combination of Hello and Hi), social akward awkard akjsdghlisdghidugh awkwardness, the inability to spell the word awkward, and the fact that the automatic tags to this post are suggesting that I have a number of neurological disorders, you have the joy that is me.

Moral of the story: Probably don’t try to high-five me.

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21 Responses to “I didn’t trip, I was attacking the floor . . . . with my face”

  1. sezkg Says:

    Hahahahaha you crack me up Gemma XD

  2. beckafly8 Says:

    Don’t skip the last step-story of my life. I’m a klutz. Wait, is it possible to not be messy with reasonable amounts of certain kinds of chocolate??

    • Gemma Says:

      Haha with large amounts of it, probably not! It doesn’t help my case that I’m a neat freak as well as a klutz, so as hard as I try, potentially messy foods always end up on me somewhere :P

  3. beckyday6 Says:

    HAHA! I’ve done the high five someone and miss. That one is highly embarrasing. :)

    But I’m very disappointed that you left out the door dance! That’s one of my personally consistant *facepalm* moments.

    • Gemma Says:

      Haha I’ve done that too! I fail at High fives :D Whats the door dance? I’ve probably done it too no doubt :P

      • beckyday6 Says:

        Haha, you know when two people both try and go through a doorway facing each other, and so then you both go side to side trying to let the other through but you just end up stepping towards each other again? So I call it the door dance. :)

      • Gemma Says:

        Ooh! Yep, definately done that! :P Haha, though for me I think calling it the ‘when-ever-I-encounter-another-person-even-if-it-is-in-the-middle-of-the-footpath dance’ would be more relevant :P Stupid unco body :D

  4. mandarox Says:

    I do the whole hi-lo or good thanks reply to hello as well!

  5. This was hilarious! I have to practice what I’m going to say when I order food five or six times in my head to make sure I don’t say something dumb. Thanks for stopping by my blog as well!

    • Gemma Says:

      Hehe I’m glad you liked it! :) thanks for subscribing too! ^_^ Haha have you ever practiced saying something over and over, and then still ended up messing up what you were going to say? I have, one too many times for my liking :P

  6. Dan Says:

    Practitioner of the sidewalk shuffle perchance? Nothing better than trying to walk past some body and stepping in front of them. Again. And again. Liking the blog btw :)

    • Gemma Says:

      Hahaha yes, I’m a biiiiiig practitioner of that move, almost every day :P its nice when you get someone who will laugh about it with you, but living in the area that I do, I get lots of grumpy feral people who look like they are going to stab me :P thanks! :) I’m glad you like it, thanks for subscribing too! :D

  7. B Says:

    I feel like you’ve just described me. Case in point: today for lunch I went to grab a sandwich and took ages deciding at the counter if I wanted five doughnuts or six. Cashier tells me the amount and I realise I’m not carrying my purse. I apologise and say I’ll be right back I just need to go get my money; I then walk into the door. Worse than that it wasn’t even the exit, it was their staff door. I have NO idea how I got it wrong either, I go in there almost everyday. :/ You put another smile on my face with this post, glad to know I’m not alone!

    • Gemma Says:

      Hahahaha oh no! :P I hate those clumsy days, they make me want to sink into the ground and die :P Hehe I’m glad, its good to know I’m not alone either! ^_^

  8. :-) funny stuff! Gemma! Real entertaining writing!

  9. DAISYLAND Says:

    Goodness. I think we are related. lol :)

  10. DAISYLAND Says:

    Reblogged this on DAISYLAND and commented:
    She understands how much clumsiness can affect your life! lol : P


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