Remain Insane

Ramblings of an animal loving, people hating, game enthusing, book nerd :D

Dumb and dumber June 3, 2012

Random Raging Rant No. 3: People.

I don’t know if I have just been particularly anti-social this week, or if people have been particularly stupid, so I’m going to go with the latter as it is the most reasonable explanation. As I seem to have been struck down with a severe case of the crankies and feel the need to use a large amount of profanities, here are a few things that I hate about a few stupid assholes.

1) People who ask stupid DUMBASS questions.

I used to work in a wildlife park, where I put on shows for people while holding baby crocodiles and snakes. So naturally, I got asked a lot of questions about the animals that I was showing. Now, before you think: ‘There is no such thing as a stupid question Gemma, stop being so over dramatic!’ let me enlighten you on the ABSOLUTE FRICKEN BEAUTIES I got asked EVERY FLIPPING DAY. I’d go to the crocodile tank, armed with a piece of tape. Getting the baby croc’s out of their tank involved speed, strength, a lot a wriggling and potential finger threatening moments. I would have to catch the babies and tape their mouths, all while the tykes were trying to bite my fingers off with their little razor sharp teeth. Often people would watch me do this. And what would people (I’m talking adults here) ask me after this little display?

‘Why is there tape on the crocodile’s mouth?’

WHAT THE FLIPPING FUDGE NUTS?! DID YOU NOT JUST STAND THERE FOR 5 MINUTES WATCHING ME STRUGGLE TO SHUT ITS GOD DAMN MOUTH WHILE IT WAS TRYING TO MAUL ME YOU IMBECILE? YOU KNOW WHAT, JUST FOR YOU I’LL TAKE THE TAPE OFF! HERE, EVEN GIVE IT A KISS, BECAUSE ITS ACTUALLY SUPER F*CKING CUDDLY, AND CLEARLY NOT GOING TO CHEW YOUR F*CKING FACE OFF!

During the day, crocs also like to sunbake and rest, and can sometimes sit in the same spot the whole day. We had quite a large croc in an enclosure that liked to do this. The stupid question people asked me?

‘Is it real?’

NO, IT’S NOT REAL AT ALL! WE HAVE JUST BUILT A HUGE MOTHER F*CKING ENCLOSURE WITH RUNNING WATER AND HIGH FENCES AND PUT FOOD IN THERE FOR ABSOLUTELY NO REASON! WOULD YOU LIKE A CLOSER LOOK? MAYBE GO PLACE YOUR HEAD IN ITS MOUTH?

2) People in shopping centres.

You know the ones. The ones that stand completely stationary the whole time you are walking up to them, and then just as you are walking behind them they step back WITHOUT EVEN LOOKING and run right into you then give you a dirty look like it was YOU who did something wrong. Or the gossipy woman with a trolley that runs into an equally gossipy friend who also happens to have a trolley, and they both seem to mutually agree it is A FLIPPING FANTASTIC IDEA TO TOTALLY BLOCK OFF THE WHOLE AISLE WITH THEIR TROLLEYS WHILE THEY CHAT FOR AN HOUR, AND AGAIN, GIVE YOU DIRTY LOOKS AND SNIDE COMMENTS WHEN YOU POLITELY ASK THEM TO MOVE. OH I’M SORRY, BECAUSE CLEARLY IT IS ME WHO IS THE INCONSIDERATE ASS!

3) People who don’t use their car indicators.

Apparently using your indicator is THE HARDEST thing to ever do while driving a car according to the lack of people who use it. Countless times have I almost had a run in with a car as a pedestrian because some dumbass thought using his indicator was over-rated and that it would be fun to make me play a guessing game. USE YOUR INDICATOR DUMBASS.

4) Attention whores on Facebook

 Those absolutely stick thin girls who post pictures like this:

Oh ma gawd, I’m so fat!

Firstly, if you really thought you were fat, you would not put up revealing photos of yourself. Secondly, you know you are skinny, so shut your face. And thirdly, BITCH, IF YOU ARE FAT, THEN I AM FRICKEN SHAMU!

5) People who tink itz kewl to tlk lyk dis.

Please learn how to talk before I make you eat a dictionary. Just typing like this made me feel dirty!

6) The man who thought it would be a great idea to name a bird species ‘Larus maximus ex alba et nigro feu caeruleo nigricante varius’.

I am trying to memorize some Latin names for my Animal Diversity exam. Most are only two words tops, this one however is an absolutely monstrosity. Needless to say, this man was obviously a sadistic asshole. IF THIS SPECIES COMES UP IN THE EXAM (BECAUSE THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL I AM DEDICATING PRECIOUS MEMORY SPACE  TO REMEMBER THIS STUPID NAME) I AM GOING TO FIND SAID MAN AND SHOVE A PINEAPPLE UP HIS ANAL SPHINCTER.

In the future, I am sure there will be many more posts dedicated to the joy that is the human race and how much of the social butterfly I clearly am :P

Until next week my lovely readers, unless I decide to run off into the forest and become a hermit :D

 

37 Responses to “Dumb and dumber”

  1. Haha, bravo Gemma this has made my day! These are the kind of rants I dream of writing but never do lol

  2. glad I’m not the only one getting upset about things like that! like 200% agree with the trolley, fat-bitches, stupid-dumbass-questions and indicators! oh my, people can be really dumbasses!

    • Gemma Says:

      I’m glad that there is people out there that agree with me, it makes me feel like less of a grump :P They really can be, if one thing is endless, it is human stupidity! Thanks for stopping by love! :)

  3. vinprabhu92 Says:

    Okay. I had this one time in Mauritius when I had posed with a baby croc when my kid brother asked the exact same thing that made you flip off mentally.
    And ‘Larus maximus ex alba et nigro feu caeruleo nigricante varius’. Dafuq do you call it in human language?

    • Gemma Says:

      When kid’s asked me that question it didn’t bother me because they were a little scared and I was fine with explaining it to them and reassure them the cuties :) It was when adults asked me that my eye started twitching, especially after they had just seen it try to bite me! :P Hahahaha its some species of gull, once I saw the scientific term though I cracked the shits and just stopped reading :P

  4. beckyday6 Says:

    Haha! Wholeheartedly agree with the shopping trolly one. That drives me mental. Steam comes out of my ears and all! :) Again, a great post from you. :)

  5. Danielle Says:

    I feel your pain.

    The people at the shopping centre you mentioned remind me of people on the subway here. I’ve had a number of people stop directly in front of me in the middle of the station to stop and look at the subway maps. I’ve even had a few people exiting the train in front of me stop right at the entrance to look at the map since the doors happened to stop right in front. SOOO annoying. (I also hate when people board the train cars before letting people get off)

  6. HAHAHAHAAA oh my godd I know this pain! Love love love

  7. beckafly8 Says:

    I loved all of these! People blocking the isle was particularly relevant to me this week. People need to be more aware that others are walking behind them, trying to go around them etc. And garble talk too ugh. This made my morning :)

    • Gemma Says:

      Thankyou love! I’m glad that I could put a smile on your face with my ranting hehe :) I guess we can only hope that people will start working out a few more of their brain cells, but alas, I think most of the human race is doomed to stay forever stupid :P

  8. iwillfindtherightwords Says:

    I laughed so hard reading this post. It’s amazing ! XD

  9. Sam Rodgers Says:

    Great points. Unsure which point was my favourite. In between dumb questions and the textspeak. Agree whole-heartedly!

    • Gemma Says:

      Haha thanks! I’m glad you enjoyed reading it and that I’m not the only one who thinks like this! People give me the shits :P

  10. JaayDee Says:

    Hahahaha I loved this. Your funny too. You think like me!

    • Gemma Says:

      Hehe thankyou love! I’m glad you enjoyed it and that I’m not the only one who thinks like this, sometimes I think I am just a big anti-social grump :P Thanks for stopping by and subscribing! :)

  11. bonesdiary Says:

    Hope my dad doesn’t see this post and think it’s a good idea to tape my mouth shut to stop me biting him. Great blog, followed a link from my friend Bassa, glad I did.
    Love Bones

    • Gemma Says:

      Haha aw I’m sure you are far too cute for your dad to think of doing anything like that! ^_^ I’m glad you enjoyed reading, thankyou so much for subscribing! :) x

      • bonesdiary Says:

        Well yeah, I’m cute alright – daaaaaaaamned cute but I’m not sure that will stop my dad from taping me up like a last minute christmas present. hehehehe

      • Gemma Says:

        If he tries to, just make sure you give him the big ol’ puppy dog eyes, that should do the trick! :P Anytime a dog give me that look, it instantly has me wrapped around its paw! :)

  12. DAISYLAND Says:

    You and I have a lot in common when it comes to hating stupid people. :) Thank you for making me feel less evil! lol

    • Gemma Says:

      Haha and thankyou for letting me know I’m not the only one out there that feels this way! Sometimes I honestly think I’m just a big old antisocial grump, but I’m glad other people think like this too hehe :D

  13. this one really made me laugh.. !!!
    kudos
    .
    .
    still cant stop laughing ..”.ÿ did u tape its mouth”..!!
    retart

  14. i suppose i’m the “retar-d”.. spelling error:P

  15. […] post, a raging rant on why I hate people (which was just the tip of the iceberg folks ) (Dumb and Dumber) I have also received so many lovely awards and comments from so many lovely people, 2 of which I […]


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