Remain Insane

Ramblings of an animal loving, people hating, game enthusing, book nerd :D

You’re the devil in disguise May 6, 2012

Filed under: The Animal Loving — Gemma @ 10:02 pm
Tags: , , , , , , ,

 This my friends, is the face of evil:

Oh but don’t be fooled by his looks! Underneath this cute and fluffy exterior is a plotting and diabolical mastermind. When we first got him, while he was quite adorable, we assumed he was simple minded. He kept up this charade very convincingly for months with extremely dedicated idiocy through:

– Killing off a couple hundred brain cells per day through hitting his head on every single object possible.

– Running around the house at top speed on wet floors, losing balance and face planting the walls

– Diving and face planting the TV trying to catch the pretty pictures

– Licking poison

– Getting stuck in the bin

– Jumping in the shower over and over again while the water was on

– And becoming fascinated with and creepily staring at the ‘Magic Box’ (air conditioner)

After all this brain-cell-killing activity, I was very surprised when he started showing a bit of brainage. He would steal my clothes while I was in the shower so I would have to give him attention and chase him. I once spent 5 minutes chasing him around the house while he had a pair of my underwear on his head! When he felt that I was a terrible owner and was not feeding him soon enough, he would open all the cupboard doors himself and get his own food. He has also locked me in an epic battle of tomfoolery. He uses the shock tactic, scaring me when I least suspect it. I on the other hand, like the gentle loving person I am, use brute force >:D Everyday,  Jasper sets himself up in a strategic place around the house, and waits. After about 10 minutes, he will meow. Me being a gullible idiot, will stop what I am doing and try to find him, thinking something is wrong. Then, out of no where, ninja cat comes flying through the air and attacks me like this:

Possibly slightly fabricated

I think through these ambush attacks, it is quite probable that Jasper is in fact trying to give me a heartattack and kill me, in which I believe he will then eat me hence winning the battle. But I will give him no such satisfaction. Fighting back, I have locked him in the cupboard, chased him with the big scary duster, and also turned our water bed into a cat catapult while he was peacefully sleeping on it, by sitting my fat ass on it and sending him flying across the room. As the fight rages on, I seem to be losing miserably. I think more cat-apulting is in order ;D The score stands as such:

Jasper: 459

Gemma: 3

As he sleeps peacefully next to me right this moment, it seems the battle is over for the day, but the night is young. From the evil glaces he was shooting me before, I believe tonight may be the night he finally plans to smother me in my sleep. I shall take the duster to bed with me for protection . . . . just in case. Until next week my lovelies, unless Jasper gets to me first! 😐


20 Responses to “You’re the devil in disguise”

  1. He’s got such a funny character. Bet he’s really charming. Enjoy! They grow so fast…

    • Gemma Says:

      Haha he definitely is an oddball, but I wouldn’t have him any other way 🙂 They definately do, it only feels like yesterday when he was a tiny kitten! 🙂

  2. lotsboutnothin Says:

    oh my god, this reminds me so much of my old cat. She was just stupid, bumping in every possible object,.. but it was so much fun chasing her, or being chased. You will miss this, once you don’t have a cat anymore (my mom doesn’t want one in our new home).. so fight back, I believe in you! haha 😀

    • Gemma Says:

      You have to love cats, they always provide the best amusement! 🙂 Hopefully I’ve got him around for a long time yet, as he’s only 8 months old, so lots more antics to come! 🙂 Haha thankyou! I will catch up to him one day! 😛

  3. Carrie Says:

    I’ve always said that one day cats will rule the world. 🙂

    This gave me a giggle. I hope you prevail in your ongoing struggle. 🙂

    • Gemma Says:

      Haha with their conniving ways,I think they will too! 😛 hehe I’m glad you liked it! ^_^ haha thankyou, I think I’ll chase him with the duster some more today 😀 thanks for subscribing love! 🙂

  4. Amy-Lee Says:

    omg and i thought Monte was crazy – but Monte is just a pathetic excuse for a cat really. looking like an over-sized power puff when he is a boy and running away from anything that makes a noise, ie, the garbage truck, motobikes, lawnmowers, the vacuum cleaner, the blender, the hair dryer and any such object or vehicle that makes a somewhat loud noise. Oh, and a scary monster that lives down the backyard that is very possible to be his own shadow.
    I hope Jasper is smarter than to be scared of his own shadow lol.

    and he really ran away with a pair of your underwear on his head? that’s gold 😀

    • Gemma Says:

      Hahaha what a pansy 😛 Don’t worry, Jasper is pretty pathetic like that too, its so cute though! ^_^ Haha yes he did the cheeky bugger 🙂

      • Amy-Lee Says:

        I wish I had been there to see this new activity of Jasper’s: stealing mum’s underwear and wearing it as a stylist hat, that has surprisingly and unselfishly been made to accommodate for his ears with well fitted holes for all his listening needs. Which apparently is waiting for mum to be distracted with something else so he can go steal her underwear lol

  5. Amy-Lee Says:

    btw, love the pictures 😀

  6. Oh my god this so reminds me of my sisters new kitten, which is about a month old but a little rat. He particularly likes to devise new ways of jumping into your food that your trying to eat. This is just one of his many talents -.-

    • Gemma Says:

      Hahahaha aw! That would be annoying as all hell but funny to watch 😛 What a cheeky little bugger! 🙂 Thanks for subcribing lovie! ^_^

  7. Sones Says:

    My brother recently brought (to my parents) home a cat… black as night and blue eyes like the ocean, so cute. Anyway as an animal lover-trust(er)-confident person I took to him right away, and he was fine with it. He loved the attention. Then suddenly one day for no reason at all, I picked him up whispered something behind his head and he turned into a psychotic raging crazy ass mo fo… he whipped around in my hands and dug his razor sharp claws into my face repeatedly. I started screaming because A. I was scared as shit he was literally floating in air beating my face to a bloody pulp and B. hello yes I have had cats before but usually they swat once and it’s over.
    He pushed off my chest, landed on the floor and shot out of the room. My Mom and brother stared at me with their mouths wide open, and my Dad told me I was not allowed to scream unless he had drawn blood, I walked toward him so he could see my face and he too looked at me with his mouth wide open as I bled from every long cut he gave me. UGH stupid cat. Everyone tried to make it better but I am still a little like hey, you… I know it’s on, you started this fight.
    For now he is super chill. A few times he will run up to me as fast as he can and wrap his little paws around my leg, like he’s hugging me BUT I am aware he is a little unstable what could be love today might be hate tomorrow. That’s cats though I think. They are kind of dicks but we deal with it.

    • Gemma Says:

      Oh my god! You poor thing, I hope you are ok! That would have been really scary and upsetting! 😦 what an strange little thing, hopefully he stays lovey dovey and doesnt go ape shit again anytime soon! :/ very true, cats are so moody!

      • Sones Says:

        HAHHAHA well standing outside of it now, I can laugh about it, but I have one eye open. However your post reminded me of how abnormal that situation was, (but not so much so if you have a crazy cat). What happened to the days when cats only wanted to fight dogs?

      • Gemma Says:

        Now cats just want to fight everyone 😛 as loveable as they can be, it definately is a good idea to keep an idea on them! Moody little shits they are 😀

  8. I once woke up to find a cat asleep in my airing cupboard. We don’t have a cat.

    • Gemma Says:

      Hahahaha! That would have been a lovely suprise 😛 Hopefully it wasn’t one of those aggro cats, that would have been a pain to deal with 😛

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s