For any other animal, the word evolution means that a fascinating and wondrous change has occurred for the better. Whether it be ‘this animal has evolved wings’ or ‘that animal has evolved to be the fastest thing on the planet’, evolution is forever looking for ways to improve the creatures it has so carefully crafted, and continues to work towards new improvements every day. Unfortunately, an evolution of sorts has occurred in humans and has been out of natures control to improve it. And rather than this movement taking leaps forward as an ‘evolutionary movement’ should, it has made mankind sound like a total bunch of buffoons:
The evolution of the English language.
While there are some real doozies, the following are what I belive are some of the worst words/sayings to ever grace our lovely language. And this is only the tip of the iceberg folks, it’s a downward spiral from here!
Exhibit A: YOLO
I’m a moron! You only live once.
Used in statements such as: Just got caught having sex with my best friend’s boyfriend….. YOLO!
Why this makes my ears bleed: You never see this ‘inspirational’ abbreviation referred to a worthwhile event in ones life such as ‘Just went sky diving, YOLO’. Instead, it is only ever used by prepubescent dumbasses (who have COMPLETELY taken the wrong message from this saying) who have done something completely moronic and they assume shouting ‘YOLO’ excuses what ever it is they have done. YOLO is not an excuse to make batshit crazy decisions. And if you only live one life, WHY ARE YOU LIVING IT LIKE A F*CKHEAD AND RISK RUINING IT WITH RASH DECISIONS?! Say YOLO while in my presence, and you are not going to be living your one life much longer. In the words of Jack Black: I fairly sure YOLO is just Carpe Diem for stupid people.
Exhibit B: Nek Minnit
Definition: Next minute.
Used in statements such as: One minute it was there, nek minnit, it was gone!
Why this makes my ears bleed: Congratulations, by saying ‘nek minute’ you have saved 0.000000001 milliseconds of your time via your ingenious ability to cut a single letter out of what was obviously an already hugely difficult phrase. Oh, and you’ve also made yourself sound like a total ass. Speak like that again, and NEXT MINUTE, you are going to my fist in your face.
Exhibit C: Boi/gurl
Definition: Boy and girl
Used in statements such as: Hey booooiii/gurrrl!
Why this makes my ears bleed: YOU HAVEN’T EVEN CUT OUT ANY LETTERS TO TRY AND SAVE TIME, YOU HAVE JUST REPLACED ALREADY PERFECTLY GOOD LETTERS WITH A RANDOM ASSORTMENT OF NONSENSE AND SOUND LIKE A TWAT. YOU ARE WORSE THAN THE NEK MINUTE PEOPLE.
Exhibit D: Smexy
Definition: A supposedly
completely f*cked up cutsie way of saying sexy, or is smart and sexy combined.
Used in statements such as: Oooomg, me so smexy!
Why this makes my ears bleed: I’m sorry, if you use this word, you might be sexy, but you are DEFINATELY not smart. For the love of god, take the extra five seconds to say both words, smart and sexy, and save yourself the embarrassment.
Exhibit E: Swag
Definition: A ‘cool’ demeanor, style and how you present yourself.
Used in statements such as: Damn, that boy’s got swag!
Why this makes my ears bleed: To be honest I don’t even actually know what the hell swag is, it just sounds a total load of tosh that is just a lame excuse for being a dick.
Exhibit F: Ya’ll
Definition: You all.
Used in statements such as: Hey ya’ll!
Why this makes my ears bleed: Ok before I offend anyone who says this, this is just one of those weird unjustified pet peeves of mine 😛 It is also completely hypocritical of me, being Australian, in the same sentence to say ‘G’day’ and then that I hate the phrase ‘ya’ll’, but I hold Miley Cyrus personally responsible for raping my ears with it about 100 times per Hannah Montana episode 😛
Exhibit G: Straya’ c*nt!
Definition: A completely feral way of saying you have Aussie pride.
Used in statements such as: /feral does something classed as Australian: Straya cu*t!
Why this makes my ears bleed: If any of you have ever been to Australia, or live in Australia, no doubt you would have seen some of our *cough* wonderful bogans, that look a little something like this:
I am all for these guys having pride in our lovely country, but anything with that revolting word in it makes me cringe. If that’s the way you are going to show Australian pride, please drink some more beer until you pass out and we don’t have to hear you talk. What ever happened to the good old ‘Aussie aussie aussie oi oi oi!’?
Honestly, cavemen grunting at each other is more understandable. Though used in common conversation these days, these type of words drive the English student in me up the wall and honestly question if the younger generations that use these words actually have an IQ higher than single digits. Unfortunately, there is no hope to salvage the English language, and some genius will no doubt continue to come up with these ‘hip’ and ‘cool’ sayings that people will feel the need to work into every sentence to raise their stupid status among their equally stupid peers.
I only have one potential solution to this downward spiral: Begin to beat people to death with dictionaries.
Let the Oxford beatings begin >:)