Remain Insane

Ramblings of an animal loving, people hating, game enthusing, book nerd :D

The customer is always right. March 24, 2013

And if by ‘customer’ you mean ‘spawn of Satan’, and by ‘right’ you mean ‘incurably stupid’, then yes, the ‘customer’ is ALWAYS ‘right’ 🙂

Ah people, the worst part of everyone’s day! No matter what department you work in or career you have chosen, I think we all dread the moment we have to open up shop and let the mindless hordes into our workplace.

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In terms of customers, my first job at a wildlife park was great. Being a keeper, you don’t have to give a flying dog crap about the customers, you are there for the animals! Sure, you get some pretty idiotic questions, but at the end of the day, as long as the animals are taken care of, your job is done. My new job however, may be at a pet store with cute fluffy baby animals, but is (shudder) a customer service job. I have been at said job now for 6 months now…… and lets just say I wish my workplace had this policy:

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After having what may possibly be the most stupid conversation with a customer in my life the other day, I thought I would share some of my most stupid customer questions/stories that have personally happened to me or have been told to me by my lovely boyfriend Steven who knows the ins and outs of idiocy that is displayed at a grocery store. I mean, what good are these stupid experiences if they can’t at least be used for a laugh right? 😛

Customers in a wildlife park

Customer 1 – when conducting a show where customers may hold a baby crocodile:

Why is there tape on the crocodiles mouth? – said the lady who had just watched me catch the croc while it was trying to bite my fingers

Customer 2 – upon seeing the baby crocodile:

Oh, can I hold the big one instead? /points to the three metre croc that could, oh I don’t know, MAYBE RIP HIS F*CKING LEG OFF?!

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Customer 3:

Do you ever like put the crocodiles in harnesses and take them for walks?

Customer 4:

Can I ride the donkey? – Said the fully grown adult twice the size of the donkey

Customer 5:

Can I ride a kangaroo? – Said the American woman who clearly took our ‘We ride kangaroos to school’ joke a little too seriously

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Customer 6:

Excuse me, do you work here? – Asked the woman while I was in the buffalo enclosure up to my elbows in animal shit

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No lady, I don’t work here, I’m just doing this for shits and giggles.

Customers in a Grocery store

Customer 7 –  taking her purchases through the checkout at about 7pm:

Worker: Have a good day!

Customer: /walks off and then goes up to the service desk

I’d like to make a complaint!

Manager: And what was that?

Customer: That girl over there told me to ‘Have a good day’, when it’s actually night-time.

Customer 8 –  looking for an item:

Customer: Excuse me, do you have Susan Day Fairy Cakes?

Steven: No, we haven’t been able to get them in for a while now sorry.

Customer: That’s bullshit! The people who do the orders need a f*cking bomb shoved up their ass!

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Customers in a Pet Store

Customer 9 – interested in buying a dog:

Um, so, like what do dogs eat? – Said the guy who I really hope was trolling

Customer 10 – wanting to buy a rat:

Co-worker: Okay dokey, so do you have food for him?

Customer: No, I’ll buy that next week.

Co-worker: Oh….. but you want the rat now?

Customer: Yes.

Co-worker: So what do you plan on feeding him with for the next week?

Customer: He’ll be ok without it for a week won’t he?

Customer’s 11 and 12 – There was a sign at the front of the store on a puppy pen saying ‘Guinea Pigs: now only $10!’ In said puppy pen was a Border Collie puppy:

Customer 11: Oh my gosh, look at that giant guinea pig!

Customer 12: Excuse me, can we please buy the $10 dog?

Customer 13 – interested in buying a puppy: 

Can I put that dog on layby for a month? – Asked the man who didn’t seem to understand that puppies grow

Customer 14 – paying for her purchases:

Co-worker: That’ll be $135 thankyou.

Customer: /takes money out of her wallet, hands it over to co-worker

Co-worker: You need twelve more dollars.

Customer: What does that mean?

Co-worker: You need $12 more.

Customer: I don’t understand, I didn’t go to school to learn this shit! – Exclaimed the woman who is not known for her brainage

Customer 15 – asking for dog medical advice:

Customer: Hi, my dog is throwing up and dehydrated, do have anything I can give it?

Me: Um, I think you should be taking your dog to the vet immediately.

Customer: Oh, why?!

Customer 16:

Customer: How much are your puppies?

Me: Which one? (we have 9 different puppy pens)

Customer: That one. (gestures to the right that has 4 puppy pens)

Me: Which one over there?

Customer: That one! (waves his hand again in the general direction to the right)

Me: Top or bottom?

Customer: Bottom I think.

Me: Left or right?

Customer: Left, I mean right…. your right?

Me: Do you know its name?

Customer: Yeah, the staffy pups, on the top right!

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Because saying ‘the Staffy pups’ to begin with was super hard hey?

Customer 17 – asking prices about dogs and the man who inspired this post  –

Customer: Excuse me, how much is this dog?

Me: Three hundred and ninety five dollars.

Customer: Ok, how much is this one compared to that one?

Me: Both are three hundred and ninety five dollars.

Customer: So you mean I could get both dogs for only $395?!

Me: /sigh No, they are three ninety five EACH.

Customer: Wait, so each dog is only $3.95 each?!

Me: …………….. No, they are THREE HUNDRED AND NINETY FIVE DOLLARS EACH.

Customer: But you said they were three ninety five each?

Me: Yes, meaning EACH dog ON ITS OWN is $395.

Customer: Wait, so its $395 for one dog, not both?

Me: YES.

Customer: And they are $395, not $3.95?

Me: YES.

Customer: So I can’t get two dogs for $395?

Me: NO.

Customer: Oooooooooooh! Wait I’m still confused!

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 Humans: we’re certainly bred for our intelligence right? 😉

Until next time my lovely readers,

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16 Responses to “The customer is always right.”

  1. Shea Says:

    After reading this I felt the need to enlighten you on my experiences with Asian Customers in a German Pub:

    Customer 18:
    Customer: I ordered beer and fish and chips (actually beer BATTERED fish and chips). I got my fish but where is my beer?!
    Co-worker: Its actually beer BATTERED fish and chips. Not Beer and Chips.
    /facepalm

    Customer 19:
    Customer: *standing below the toilet sign* Where is toilet?
    Me: See that toilet sign pointing to where they are. That’s where the toilets are.

    Customer 20-100
    Me: Now here is your German Platter, cutlery is in that stein right there, you can help yourselves to the mustards, they’re on the barrel by the door over there *gestures direction they are in*, and I’ll just go and get your plates now.
    Will always be followed by one of the following:
    “Where are my plates?”
    “I need some plates”
    “4 plates! 4 plates!”
    “Need Fork!”
    “Where spicy sauce?”
    Or my personal favourite which happened today
    “I need cut cut!” (he wanted some knives)

    We also get customers who have been waiting for their food “FOREVER” when it hasn’t even been 10 minutes.

    We get so many I can’t even think of them all. If I think of anymore I’ll let you know because it’s absolutely ridiculous the amount of stupid people we had today…not to mention every other day!

  2. I was laughing so hard that I was crying!

    Ah customer service war stories. I’ve had so many…but one of my favorites was when I was seventeen and I was a hostess at a hole on the wall restaurant. In California it was common to say “you guys” like: “Can I get you guys anything to drink?” I made the grave mistake of asking this to an older couple.

    The man screamed at me: “Does my wife look like a man to you?”

    “Come again?”

    “You called her a guy!”

    He tried to get me fired. He failed.

    • Gemma Says:

      Hehe I’m glad these stupid customers are at least good at providing us all with a good laugh! ;P
      HAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh my god, that is a saying everyone uses daily, as if he picked you up on that! Old fuddy duddy! Your manager must have laughed in his face when he tried to get you fired 😛

  3. Hilarious 😀 Well, mostly so because I wasn’t having to deal with those questions.

  4. mandarox Says:

    The customer is always right; except when they’re wrong 😛

  5. chyrondave Says:

    I have to say that I ran into a boatload of these when I worked at a local comic shop. The customer is always right… out of his head.

  6. Zen A. Says:

    Oh my goodness, people like this exist? Reading your post, I am so incredibly glad I do not have to deal with any customers in my line of work. I have no tolerance for such stupidity! That said, they do make for interesting (and funny) stories to tell!

    • Gemma Says:

      Hahaha sadly they do 😛 Oh my gosh, you are so lucky, I have a super low tolerance for stupidity as well so I have a really hard time hiding how much I hate customers 😛 I can’t wait to work in a zoo so I can go and hide from people and work with something a bit smarter….. like orangutans 😀

  7. Lovely Gemma, as usual your posts are hilarious!
    just one thing though, how come does the pet shop you work at sell that many puppies? where do those puppies come from?
    please don’t misunderstand my question, it’s just that usually puppies that are sold in pet shops come from puppy mills, and that would be a very bad thing… i don’t know the laws in australia about animal welfare, but wouldn’t it be much nicer/better if the animals you would sell at the pet shop would be dogs (and cats) that come from shelters? many of the pet shops i’ve seen in the usa do this now, instead of supporting bad breeding and the inhumane mills, and give animals in shelters a chance to be seen and adopted… i know australia is fighting against the mills, and as a fellow animal lover, i’m sure you know about it, so if the puppies come from good, reputable and humane breeders, then all the better!
    it would be cool though if you would pitch the shelter animals idea though, wouldn’t it? 🙂
    xxx

    • Gemma Says:

      I’m glad you enjoyed reading it lovely 🙂
      Don’t worry love, when I started working there I wondered the exact same thing because there was no way on this Earth I would want to work somewhere that was ok with selling puppies from puppy farms. They are awful places and I dont even know how someone could be ok with doing that to animals 😦 Luckily what we do is we either get the puppies from listed/trusted breeders (who are all abolutely lovely :)) or if we take them from people who tell us they have puppies, we ask them very specific questions, want pictures of them, even go as far as getting them to bring them so we and the vet can inspect them to make sure there is no suss signs of puppy farming. In my time there I havnt actually come across one yet, but my manager has told me if anyone comes in and says the have over 10 puppies to sell (because lets face it, not many litters of puppies are that big) and they seem shady, take all their details so we can then report them 🙂 We have 9 available spaces at work for puppies, but it is rare they are all full, we just have a lot of space for them since the shop refit 🙂
      Oh my gosh, that is a wonderful idea! Its so good to know pet stores are actually doing that now! 😀 It would definately be much nicer knowing that you are giving an animal a second chance at having a loving home 🙂 Maybe I will try and sneak that into conversation next time I talk to the boss 😉 xxx


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