Remain Insane

Ramblings of an animal loving, people hating, game enthusing, book nerd :D

How Minecraft is ruining my life February 14, 2014

First I heard whisperings of it, then gamers raving of it, but as it was a computer game, I disregarded it and blissfully ignorant was I. Then, it became available on PS3. Oh, I told myself I would just try it out and that I wouldn’t play it much. I told myself it is only a silly, ‘play-once-in-a-while’ game, and so I logged in for the first time and sold my soul.

For those of you out there who are unfamiliar with the game, let me give you the run down. Prepare to have your mind blown. Ok, you ready for this? You break and place blocks. Yep, that’s it. You break a motherfucking block so you can place a different motherfucking block. The people, the animals, even the clouds, are all in cube form. It is the most simple concept which was most likely born from someone who also coincidentally had ready access to marijuana. But for reasons even unbeknownst to me, I can’t stop playing the fucking thing.

Minecraft 360

My addiction was formed through a two part process. The first was Survival Mode. When you begin, you start with absolutely nothing but your character Steve. However, there are beasties lurking and your hunger to be taken care of, so you have to begin to collect resources. So, the first course of action is to break down a tree only using your fists. I’m not even joking, you have to beat trees into submission with your bare hands. This is how an action as such would go down in real life:

/walks up and confidently punches tree expecting it to break

FUUUUUUUUUUU

So after you have broken every bone in your hands and wailed on the tree, you can now make a wooden axe, pickaxe and sword. You can even start building a house and killing animals for food. But, wooden tools are pretty shit, and after breaking about 50 of them you head off to find a mine to collect some stone. Once you have stone, you can make stone tools. Now you need a way to light up your house, so back off to the mine to collect some coal. By now you have encountered many beasts and probably died quite a few times, and think it is worth investing in some armour. So you return to the mine to collect some iron. Then you need more stone to make a smelter to smelt the iron ore into ingots. Then you need more wood for a crafting table to make your armour. Then you need more iron to make iron tools. Then you happen to come across some obsidian (a very valuable stone that can be turned into a portal to another world), which shits on your iron pickaxe because it can only be mined with a diamond pickaxe. So you go back into a mine and search 826598726 hours for diamond, all this while taking  regular breaks to find some food before you die…….. AND THERE IS NO END TO THIS CYCLE. You get so absorbed that this would be your reaction if someone interrupted your game play to tell you that you had won $50 million:

Reaction GIF: don't care, Morgan Freeman, The Shawshank Redemption

But this would be your reaction if you found one damned block of that damned pixelated diamond:

Elf

Enough is never enough. When you first begin, collecting resources is about survival. By the time you have collected your first piece of iron, it is about collecting anything and EVERYTHING. Your addiction compels you to keep collecting shit you don’t even need, ‘just in case’.

Me: 1542 wood, that should be plenty!

Obsessive compulsive Minecraft-crazed brain:

The second part of my addiction was developed through Creative mode. In this mode, you don’t have to collect anything, your inventory is already packed with unlimited supplies of everything. Which means you can let your imagination run rampant and you can build whatever the hell you want. My brother, boyfriend and I lost 3 days to this mode. We made towns, ships, volcanoes, rockets, statues, arenas, tree houses and more. I was even compelled to re-create shit like this:

 Next on my list is to recreate Middle Earth, from the Shire to Mordor. This is how entrenched I am in my addiction. Even though I realise my next project will take me weeks, I AM STILL GOING TO DO IT. By the time I leave the house again, I would have forgotten that the world isn’t actually made of cubes, will most likely become scared and confused, and run back inside to the familiarity of Minecraft.

File:-dafuq-.gif

I COMPLETELY RECOGNISE THAT I WILL HAVE TO GIVE UP THE REAL WORLD FOR A VIRTUAL WORLD MADE OF BLOCKS, BUT I AM STILL OK WITH THIS.

I have an addiction ladies and gentleman. An addiction to collecting 2673 pieces of wool. To slaying cubed zombies and dragons. To building useless shit in block form. I think it is time to check myself into Minecraft rehab…….

…..now, what would the rehab centre be made out of? Wood, definitely wood. But I need to go collect some more, I don’t want to eat into my supply of 5690 wood pieces. A fireplace would be perfect as well, better swing by the mine and get some stone, may as well grab some coal while I’m there too, maybe even some iron……..

😉

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The reality of Reality TV – What their commercials should really say! August 18, 2013

Kinda Raging Rant No. 6: Reality TV

Television. We all have one, and in this new technological dominated era, we all watch it. Whether it be the morning news, the mid-day soap operas or the 6 o’clock Simpsons, at some point in the day, we are perched in front of our TV to unwind and watch some entertainment. As any TV viewer may have noticed however, there is more TV shows than ever, but less quality entertainment as a particular type of TV show has not-so-slowly dominated the airwaves night in and night out. This type of TV show has no limits nor no bounds on what it will do to get views. It will ruthlessly shit on and replace your favourite shows and make you wonder if the world has lost it’s effing mind. It features the weird, the dumb and the outright bizarre. Welcome, ladies and gentleman, to the world of…..

Reality Television.

The first few reality TV series seemed harmless and interesting, once producers saw the dollar signs, suddenly EVERYTHING has the potential for a full blown show, and every dipshit can be a TV star! I understand the novelty of each, but when they start replacing Futurama, Simpsons and my beloved David Attenborough documentaries with Keeping up with the Kardashians or Here Comes mother-f*cking Honey Boo-Boo, I have to question the IQ of humanity and am reduced to this for the remainder of the night:

What is even more bizarre than the actual shows themselves is the amount of people I come across that actually WATCH them and follow them religiously. It is becoming a trend and an actual topic of conversation that people regularly talk about, and it is one topic that I am glad to be left out of the loop. Sometimes people will notice I am finding a brick wall far more intriguing than the conversation and that I am not contributing to it, they will ask something like ‘So, did you see the new episode of Jersey Shore where so-and-so cheated on so-and-so?!’

Excuse me?

To which I will try and not pull a face, mumble something about not watching that type of show, and go back to inspecting the wall. Because what gets even weirder is that I sometimes get judged for NOT watching these types of shows! 😛 Before I insult anyone who is an avid reality TV fan, I will point out I used to watch my fair share of reality TV like Big Brother and Australian Idol, back when it was something new and an effort was actually put in to make it interesting. But as time has worn on, so have the shows, and the crap that is actually making it on to TV is mindblowing! Every time I turn on the TV, there is a new reality show screaming at me for attention in an advert full of promise of providing entertainment. And boy, are these adverts priceless! I feel sorry for the guys who had to come up with a way to make such mundane shows sound interesting 😛 The commercials always give me a giggle, but they always like to stretch the truth and make the show sound dazzling and action-packed, but when you watch the show, it is a steaming pile of horse shit. So, in the interest of TV viewers everywhere, I have taken it upon myself to create some more honest adverts for some of the reality TV shows that are vying for our love and attention, just so you know what you are REALLY getting yourself into 😉 (For added entertainment, please watch this video and imagine the rest of what I am writing in his voice :P)

Pawn Stars

The commercial: ‘Pawn Stars takes you inside the Harrison family pawn shop in Las Vegas, where the quirky characters haggle over fascinating wares! Join us and our hit series that takes you into the colourful world of the pawn business!’

The reality of the Reality: ‘Pawn Stars – takes you inside a family that knew the one way they were going to get ratings was making themselves initially sound like a cheap porno – where three fat American guys search through some people’s shit to find shit to sell so they can buy more shit. Join us as we rip people off in a show that takes you into the really boring And I mean REALLY boring world of the pawn business, where you can witness grown men fan-girling over wooden toilet seats!’

Geordie Shore

The commercial: ‘MTV camera’s follow some of Newcastles finest lads and lasses, giving you a sneak peak into their glamorous lives! There’ll be tears, tantrums, drama and outrageous behaviour by the bucket-load, with buff Jay, cheeky Gaz (who says he has a manhood the size of a tv remote control!), spice boys James and Greg, queen bee Vicky, sexy diva Holly with her FF boobs, ditzy Charlotte (who would never kiss a guy unless he had a six pack!), and ladette Sophie, who can be regularly found flashing her boobs in the local bar!’

The reality of the Reality: ‘MTV has lowered its standards once again, in what was first thought to be a piss-take of Jersey Shore, giving you a sneak peak into a bunch of Dorito encrusted guys and gals who all date each other, cheat on each other and piss and whine about everything! They’ll be some of the worst acting you have ever seen by the truck load, with steroid-induced Jay, over-exaggerating Gaz, lady-men James and Greg, mega bitch Vicky, a pair of boobs that go by the name of Holly, unrealistic-expectations Charlotte, and man-lady Sophie, who still isn’t quite sure what the meaning of clothes is!’

Beauty and the Geek

The commercial: ‘Stunning girls and genius guys live together and team up as they compete in hilarious and heart-warming challenges to test their intellect and social skills. Join us as ‘The Ultimate Social Experiment’ geeks out our beauties, and beautifies our geeks!’

The reality of the Reality: ‘Fuelling the stereotype that beauty means your thick as a brick and that smarts mean you are unattractive and socially inept, women who have only ever relied on their looks and guys who rely on their brains are forced to live together and team up for challenges – whose sole purpose seems to be to put the ‘nerd’s’ through hell. Join us for face-palms and cringe worthy moments as the geniuses of our generation are forced to teach grown women 4th grade all over, while they learn the true meaning of life: Unless you look like a pretty boy your intelligence and personality means jack shit to women!’

16 and Pregnant

The commercial: ‘This summer, MTV presents an unprecedented look at the controversial issue of teen pregnancy. These six girls have to face the bumpy terrain of adolescence, growing pains and rebellion, all while dealing with being pregnant and having to deal with challenges such as marriage, adoption, religion, gossip, finances, finishing school and getting a job. Faced with juggling their teenage years pregnant all while preparing for high school experiences like prom, they will be faced with adult decisions at every turn.’

The reality of the Reality: ‘This summer, MTV somehow manages to sink lower than Geordie Shore while further fuelling sterotypes, and presents a glorified look at the issue of teenagers forgetting to wear a condom and then acting shocked when they manage to get knocked up. These six girls have to face the bumpy terrain of their teenage years all while having to deal with screaming at their mothers, becoming selfish and bratty, and moulding themselves into a someone you are pretty sure shouldn’t have been allowed to breed. Faced with juggling their teenage years while trying to deny they are pregnant and still insist that everyone needs to take responsibility for their situation but themselves, they will be faced with adult decisions at every turn, which they will fail miserably time and time again. Morale of the story: Don’t be silly, wrap your willy!’

Iceberg Hunters

The commercial: ‘Join a brave group of men who travel through ‘Iceberg Alley’, the worlds most densely packed gathering of icebergs in Canada. Once out on open seas, the crew is at the mercy of Mother Nature, facing storms, ice sheets, hypothermia-inducing waters, dense fogs, rough seas and unpredictable massive icebergs. They search for, wrangle and harvest ice, and bring it back to land for the production of pure bottled water and vodka!’

The reality of the Reality: ‘Join a group of men who can’t shoot anything smaller than a mountain, as they pick on the locals in ‘Iceberg Alley’. Once out on the open sea, the crew is at mercy of nature, facing a whole load of problems that could have easily been avoided if they had just stayed home and got a normal job. They must be ‘skilled’ in searching for and wrangling the ice – as their crafty prey can evade them by running away from them at speeds of 0.005 miles an hour – and take it back to land to make water and vodka. Next episode: Men’s realisation that ice for water and vodka can be made in the freezer!’

A little more accurate yes? 😉 Whether you love it or hate it, reality TV is dominating the air waves and here to stay. When it comes down to it, you have two choices: to watch TV or avoid it. Those who want to still be able to watch TV all seem to follow the same path: they will give them a chance, but eventually get sucked into the vortex of stupid, enjoy the shows and then talk about them non-stop. When these people, soon after their imminent demise, tell me that maybe I should watch TV a little more, my answer usually involves a polite but resolute ‘no’ 😛

I think I’ll stick with books 😉

Until next time lovelies 🙂

 

Musical Madness December 19, 2012

Raging Rant No. 5: Shitty music

From the beginning of time when the first caveman overly strained his frontal cortex, hit two bones together and thought it was pretty neat, music has always been created to invoke an emotion in its listeners. Pop, rock, rap, RnB, soul, blues, jazz, metal, country, we all have our favourite genre of these wonderful complications to listen to and lose ourselves in. Some of these songs make us happy. Some make us sad. Some make us laugh . . . .

And others make me want to gauge out voice boxes and Fus Ro Dah assholes off of cliff faces.

Personally, I am a rock/disco/pop fan, so I hate 99% of today’s techno hits that are coming out. But before I insult anyone on their music taste, when I say shit music, I am not actually talking about the genre of what a song is. I am more referring to the lyrical ‘genius’ of artists when they are composing a song. While it is perfectly possible for artists to create a song not only with good music but with good lyrics too, good quality lyrics are being sacrificed more often these days while being replaced with shallow and meaningless ones. Don’t get me wrong, not all lyrics have to be meaningful and shitty lyrics span across all types of genres, but at the risk of sounding like a cranky old grandma that’s going to beat you with her walking stick while nagging your ear off about ‘back in her day’, I am fairly certain our poor radios have been subjected to their fair share of dumbassery in concentrated amounts over the past few years , starting with . . . . .

1) She’s so Mean by Matchbox Twenty

The lyrics:

‘She’ll make you take her to the club, but then she leaves with her friends
She likes to stay late at the party cause the fun never ends
And all her clothes are on the floor, and all your records are scratched
She’s like a one-way ticket cause you can’t come back

Sayin’ yeah, and you want her
But she’s so mean
(You’ll never let her go, why don’t you let her go?)
Yeah, and you want her
But she’s so mean
(You’ll never let her go, why don’t you let her go?)’

That’s right fellas, apparently as long as your girlfriend is hot, her personality doesn’t count for a penny! She’s a complete bitch you say? Doesn’t matter, she’s hot dude! She’s destroying your shit? Oh you, that shouldn’t come into account you silly fool, I mean her face completely excuses her actions, she’s a real keeper!

I don’t know about you guys, but if I had some woman destroying my stuff and ditching me for her friends, I wouldn’t give a dog turd about how hot her face was, that bitch is getting fly kicked!

2) That’s what makes you Beautiful by One Direction (Note: no picture is included for said song as I outright refuse to see that people looking up One Direction have been directed to my blog via google search)

The lyrics:

‘Baby you light up my world like nobody else
The way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed
But when you smile at the ground it aint hard to tell
You don’t know you’re beautiful, that’s what makes you beautiful!’

Firstly, this meme describes my first objection to your stupid lyrics perfectly:

Secondly, doesn’t this girl you are talking about that is beautiful because she doesn’t know she’s beautiful now know she’s beautiful so that means she is no longer beautiful?

3) Peacock by Katy Perry

The lyrics:

‘Are you brave enough to let me see your peacock? Don’t be a chicken boy, stop acting like a biatch. I’m a peace out if you don’t give me the pay off, Come on baby let me see your whatchu hidin’ underneath! I wanna see your peacock, cock cock (repeat cock a few more hundred times)’

Katy Perry is certainly passionate about seeing her man’s colourful bird up front! I’m not sure how many guys would be able to satisfy her though, I mean, what guy drags his peacock around on a date? Oh wait….. you mean she actually means she wants to see his….. OH! What a delightfully clever play on words, oh Katy, you certainly are subtle!

4) Call Me Maybe by Carly Rae Jepsen

The lyrics:

‘Your stare was holding
Ripped jeans, skin was showing
Hot night, wind was blowing
Where you think you’re going, baby?

Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy
But here’s my number, so call me maybe
It’s hard to look right, at you baby
But here’s my number, so call me maybe

Before you came into my life I missed you so bad
I missed you so bad… I missed you so, so bad’

Hey you just met him, and you’re fucking crazy. Give him your number, and he’ll stalk you maybe! Wait, maybe I’ve got it around the wrong way around! ‘Before you came into my life I missed you so bad’? Firstly, we can clearly see Carly has impeccable logic. Secondly, how long has Carly been following this poor guy around without ever making her presence known to him?! DON’T TAKE HER NUMBER MAN, RUN WHILE YOU CAN! Better run fast though, from the sounds of it Carly isn’t going to let you get very far…

CALL 1ЛЕ mVBE Луоик STflRE DAS HOLDIN’ ЫНШ 70U THINK YOU'RE G0IN6 ßPißy?/ ]} HöT N\6HT, wind NftS bLOWIN'jJJ) 5^,comics,forlackofabettercomic,call me maybe,song

6) Friday by Rebecca Black

The lyrics:

Seven a.m., waking up in the morning
Gotta be fresh, gotta go downstairs
Gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal
Seein’ everything, the time is goin’
Tickin’ on and on, everybody’s rushin’
Gotta get down to the bus stop
Gotta catch my bus, I see my friends (My friends)

Kickin’ in the front seat
Sittin’ in the back seat
Gotta make my mind up
Which seat can I take?

Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday
Today i-is Friday, Friday (Partyin’)
We-we-we so excited
We so excited’

Phew, I wish my life was that exciting when I was 12 years old! Getting up at 7am, eating cereal and choosing what seat to sit in in the car, woah! I mean, being given the choice of sitting in the front seat or the back seat by your parents is pretty damn life changing at 12! You’ll look totally bitchin’ and be ready to paaarrtaay……. at your 4-year-old cousins birthday party 😉 And wait, you’re telling me that if yesterday was Thursday, that means today is Friday?!?!

THAT IS TOTALLY LIFE CHANGING, I AM SO GLAD YOU FELT THE NEED TO ADD THIS INTO A SONG SO THE WORLD CAN REVEL IN THIS NEW THEORY!

7) Skater Boy by Avril Lavigne

The lyrics:

‘He was a boy
She was a girl
Can I make it anymore obvious?’

WHERE ARE THESE PEOPLE COMING UP WITH THESE WONDERFUL NEW REVOLUTIONARY DISCOVERIES?! MIND BLOWN.

8) Hot Problems by Double Take

The lyrics:

‘Just cuz I’m pretty
I have to be dumb
I don’t care about wits
I just wanna have fun.

Hot girls we have problems too
We’re just like you
Except we’re hot
The world needs to open their eyes
and realise
We’re not perfect and sometimes we lie!

Just kidding,
we’re perfect!’

Everyone, please take a moment to mourn for the ‘hot girls’ of the world and really think about how difficult life must be to be dumb, misunderstood and to be like normal people but hot …….. that second over yet? We done? Great! I cried you a river Double Take, I really did, but I don’t understa….. I can’t even…… DA FUQ?! When I first saw the lyrics I thought these girls must have been joking and taking the piss, but upon watching the video, the sad thing is they are actually serious. At least the song had a happy ending though right? I mean, after describing the troubles these poor pre-pubescent little snots girls have to face daily by not being perfect, in the end it turns out they are actually perfect and being good-looking and dumb is great!

triple_facepalm_by_spottedheart98464-d3kuyp3[1]

While there is no doubt these songs have been popular, music artists these days are a total cop out when it comes to their lyrics, and quite frankly make my ears bleed! I don’t know about you, but I would rather write a single good quality song that meant something beyond genitalia, hot girls or which seat I should take in the car on a Friday and that would be remembered for a lifetime rather than a shitty little tune with lyrics that a three-year old could babble out and make a quick buck. While there would be many people who would disagree with me on my criticisms of these songs, I have one further point to push my Grandma case of why musical lyrics were better ‘back in the day’:

It took 7 people to write Justin Bieber’s song ‘Baby’ which consists of about a dozen words. It took ONE MAN to write the musical masterpiece that is Bohemian Rhapsody.

Until next rant lovelies 🙂

 

Youtube: where liking puppies means ‘You should go die!’ June 16, 2012

Random Raging Rant No. 4: Abusive social media

Every social media site has a certain feel to it these days, and unfortunately most of them make me want to walk down the street swinging a baseball bat (though most people would be quite safe from getting their allocated smack to the face, I have the worst swing and coordination in the history of . . . . well, ever :P). Facebook gives young teen girls the chance to cavort in every position possible in the hope of getting a couple of cheap likes on their photos and absolutely fricken rape my god damn newsfeed with sexual statuses, giving it a ‘whorey’ feel. Instagram is just like Facebook minus the stupid statuses plus loads more charming photos. Twitter is just loads more stupid updates minus the dumb photos. For every good Facebook/Instagram/Twitter site, there is 10, 000 shitty ones. While I will never understand the motivation behind these actions on these media sites (and seriously consider becoming a social media hermit and eliminating it from my life, with the exception of WordPress of course :D), there is one site that absolutely takes the cake on my confusion level. Youtube /que evil and menacing music

Go onto Youtube. Search for absolutely any type of video. Really, take your pick, animals, games, sports, anything (mine is usually cute and fluffy things :D)! Now, it is not the actual video that I would like you to pay attention to, but rather what is underneath of it. This is where you will find the complete unravelling of rationality. Usually, a conversation will follow as such:

Person 1: Awwww, look at the cute little kitten!

Person 2 replying to Person 1: I will find you and stab you in the f*cking throat.

WHAT THE SHIT? So wait, let me get this straight, you have an overwhelming urge to stab someone . . . . .  because of their love of kittens? BECAUSE THAT MAKES COMPLETE SENSE YOU TOTAL PSYCHOTIC BASTARD!

Sports video: abuse. Funny video: abuse. Gaming review video: abuse. Baby sneezing: abuse. Video of tiny little fluffy kitten playing: abuse. A video about abuse: abuse. A video of a black screen: abuse. No matter the video, no matter the nice comments, in reply, there is always a torrent of (mostly) undeserved abuse flying between viewers FOR ABSOLUTELY NO REASON! Even my boyfriend Steven got told to ‘Shut the f*ck up and go die’ for a completely innocent comment about football, in which we sat there staring at the screen completely and utterly confused at what had been said to deserve said abuse! I know some of these people try to pick fights for fun, but it is those that dish out death threats and are completely serious about it that confuse the crap out of me! Everyone has an opinion, and its completely ok to express that opinion, but don’t you think maybe, just maybe, threatening to shoot someone in the face is taking it just that liiiiiittleee bit too far? 😛 I think rather than all this ‘I’m going to stab you’ business, we need to find these sorry individuals, superglue them to a chair and play this song on repeat:

But then again, they might hate this music video and tell me to go die in a hole 😉 I mean, as I have quite plainly advertised, I hate people too, but I could never throw such abuse at someone just for having their own opinion. What ever happened to a good ol’ friendly debates without wanting to rip each others throats out? I think I will just stick to being a silent viewer on Youtube rather than ever comment or, god forbid, ever MAKE a video. I am far too soft to be able to deal with abusive Youtubers . . . .  and I am quite fond of posting cute pictures of fluffy things without getting death threats 😛 LOOK ITS AN ADORABLE PUPPY!

Note: I understand the irony throughout this whole post of me raging about people raging 😛

On a more positive note, I was surprised and very honored this week to be presented with five different awards! Bassa’s blog, through celebrating 1 year of blogging, presented 52 bloggers with her own ‘You Make Me Shine!’ Award, which I was very honored to receive from such a wonderful (and cute and fluffy) blogger 🙂

Secondly, I received ‘The Versatile Blogger’ Award, ‘The Kreativ Blogger’ Award, ‘The Inspiring Blog’ Award and ‘The Sisterhood of the World Bloggers’ Award from the lovely blogger Zen! Thankyou so much my dear! 🙂 The usual rules with accepting these awards apply: Thank the person who nominated you and link them in your blog, some random facts about yourself, nominate other bloggers for the awards and let them know! 🙂 I will produce some more random word vomit about myself, and then separately allocate awards 🙂

1) I was actually genuinely upset when I didn’t get my Hogwarts letter on my 11th birthday when I came to the realisation that if Hogwarts did exist, I was a muggle. Which is why I think I’ll begin investing time into Pottermore, who says I can’t be a witch now eh? 😀

2) The war between my cat and I seems to have taken a turn for the worse. Rather than trying to give me a heart attack through scaring me, he is testing a new tactic of trying to gas me to death by producing extra disgusting poops. That he does on the floor. RIGHT NEXT TO THE LITTER TRAY.

3) I eat far too much chocolate, then again, I think every woman does 😛

4) I once had a friendly debate with a religious person who came knocking on my door, which ended in her declaring I was possessed, made a warding off sign at me and ran off. Apparently I’m the devil 😀

The Versatile Blogger Award Nominations

1) Reviews and Rants

2) Random Deviations

3) That’s Just Ridiculous by Curly Carly

All wonderfully funny and entertaining blogs! 🙂

The Kreativ Blogger Award Nominations

1) Creative Minds

Cooking, drawing and creating, Sarah covers it all with her new blog!

The Inspiring Blog Award

1) Mikumi Musings

2) Chronicles of Nature 

I respect both of these women greatly for the work with and their views on the wonderful world of animals 🙂

The Sisterhood of the World Blogging Award

1) Sezpets

2) lots’ bout nothing

3) Defining Wonderland

4) Brown Eyes and Green Bees

A sisterhood award that I am very happy to pass on to some of the lovely ladies of the blogging world 🙂

Now after all this typing and ranting and these wonderful awards and the stupid amount of studying I did today (writing 15 pages is a bitch!) I think I m going to go and gorge myself on junk food, and then to work it off chase my cat around the house 😀 Until next week lovelies! ^_^

 

Dumb and dumber June 3, 2012

Random Raging Rant No. 3: People.

I don’t know if I have just been particularly anti-social this week, or if people have been particularly stupid, so I’m going to go with the latter as it is the most reasonable explanation. As I seem to have been struck down with a severe case of the crankies and feel the need to use a large amount of profanities, here are a few things that I hate about a few stupid assholes.

1) People who ask stupid DUMBASS questions.

I used to work in a wildlife park, where I put on shows for people while holding baby crocodiles and snakes. So naturally, I got asked a lot of questions about the animals that I was showing. Now, before you think: ‘There is no such thing as a stupid question Gemma, stop being so over dramatic!’ let me enlighten you on the ABSOLUTE FRICKEN BEAUTIES I got asked EVERY FLIPPING DAY. I’d go to the crocodile tank, armed with a piece of tape. Getting the baby croc’s out of their tank involved speed, strength, a lot a wriggling and potential finger threatening moments. I would have to catch the babies and tape their mouths, all while the tykes were trying to bite my fingers off with their little razor sharp teeth. Often people would watch me do this. And what would people (I’m talking adults here) ask me after this little display?

‘Why is there tape on the crocodile’s mouth?’

WHAT THE FLIPPING FUDGE NUTS?! DID YOU NOT JUST STAND THERE FOR 5 MINUTES WATCHING ME STRUGGLE TO SHUT ITS GOD DAMN MOUTH WHILE IT WAS TRYING TO MAUL ME YOU IMBECILE? YOU KNOW WHAT, JUST FOR YOU I’LL TAKE THE TAPE OFF! HERE, EVEN GIVE IT A KISS, BECAUSE ITS ACTUALLY SUPER F*CKING CUDDLY, AND CLEARLY NOT GOING TO CHEW YOUR F*CKING FACE OFF!

During the day, crocs also like to sunbake and rest, and can sometimes sit in the same spot the whole day. We had quite a large croc in an enclosure that liked to do this. The stupid question people asked me?

‘Is it real?’

NO, IT’S NOT REAL AT ALL! WE HAVE JUST BUILT A HUGE MOTHER F*CKING ENCLOSURE WITH RUNNING WATER AND HIGH FENCES AND PUT FOOD IN THERE FOR ABSOLUTELY NO REASON! WOULD YOU LIKE A CLOSER LOOK? MAYBE GO PLACE YOUR HEAD IN ITS MOUTH?

2) People in shopping centres.

You know the ones. The ones that stand completely stationary the whole time you are walking up to them, and then just as you are walking behind them they step back WITHOUT EVEN LOOKING and run right into you then give you a dirty look like it was YOU who did something wrong. Or the gossipy woman with a trolley that runs into an equally gossipy friend who also happens to have a trolley, and they both seem to mutually agree it is A FLIPPING FANTASTIC IDEA TO TOTALLY BLOCK OFF THE WHOLE AISLE WITH THEIR TROLLEYS WHILE THEY CHAT FOR AN HOUR, AND AGAIN, GIVE YOU DIRTY LOOKS AND SNIDE COMMENTS WHEN YOU POLITELY ASK THEM TO MOVE. OH I’M SORRY, BECAUSE CLEARLY IT IS ME WHO IS THE INCONSIDERATE ASS!

3) People who don’t use their car indicators.

Apparently using your indicator is THE HARDEST thing to ever do while driving a car according to the lack of people who use it. Countless times have I almost had a run in with a car as a pedestrian because some dumbass thought using his indicator was over-rated and that it would be fun to make me play a guessing game. USE YOUR INDICATOR DUMBASS.

4) Attention whores on Facebook

 Those absolutely stick thin girls who post pictures like this:

Oh ma gawd, I’m so fat!

Firstly, if you really thought you were fat, you would not put up revealing photos of yourself. Secondly, you know you are skinny, so shut your face. And thirdly, BITCH, IF YOU ARE FAT, THEN I AM FRICKEN SHAMU!

5) People who tink itz kewl to tlk lyk dis.

Please learn how to talk before I make you eat a dictionary. Just typing like this made me feel dirty!

6) The man who thought it would be a great idea to name a bird species ‘Larus maximus ex alba et nigro feu caeruleo nigricante varius’.

I am trying to memorize some Latin names for my Animal Diversity exam. Most are only two words tops, this one however is an absolutely monstrosity. Needless to say, this man was obviously a sadistic asshole. IF THIS SPECIES COMES UP IN THE EXAM (BECAUSE THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL I AM DEDICATING PRECIOUS MEMORY SPACE  TO REMEMBER THIS STUPID NAME) I AM GOING TO FIND SAID MAN AND SHOVE A PINEAPPLE UP HIS ANAL SPHINCTER.

In the future, I am sure there will be many more posts dedicated to the joy that is the human race and how much of the social butterfly I clearly am 😛

Until next week my lovely readers, unless I decide to run off into the forest and become a hermit 😀

 

Synthetic Evil! May 16, 2012

Random Raging Rant No. 2: Technology

 Since the 90’s, we humans have begun to move into the technological age filled with an unimaginable amount of fantastic fandangos. Phones that only text and call, TV’s that only play analog, video players and gaming consoles with cute shitty graphics? Please! We now have phones that have everything from internet to games, TV’s that play digital and 3D channels, DVD’s and Bluerays, and top of the line gaming with graphics that virtually knock your socks off. All these things are all wonderful and great of course, UNTIL THEY COMPLETELY SHIT THEIR PANTS FOR ABSOLUTELY NO REASON. WHAT. SO. EVER.

Imagine technology is a person. Now this person and I, we don’t exactly get along. In fact, I would like to hit this person. With a monster truck. At 500km an hour. Multiple times. Then burn them on a bonfire and dance around it.

I have the uncanny ability of making every piece of technology I touch malfunction, so much so that I believe that it is no longer coincidence. So it seems that this absolute burning hate dislike I have for technology is not only one-sided. I came to this conclusion:

When I went into my phone contacts, which was apparently too much to ask of my phone, and it completely shat itself. Permanently.

 When my new phone decided it really likes sending me messages telling me where I am via satellite, even if I haven’t changed my location. EVERY. DAY. HUNDREDS OF TIMES.

When my computer got bored with life and ate its hard drive. While I was writing important assignments. Twice.

 When I was writing my last post and my computer was being an asshole critic and deleted it before I could manage to post it. THREE TIMES.

And when I am happily playing a game, any game, on literally any gaming console, and it freezes, coincidentally AFTER I HAVEN’T SAVED IN ABOUT AN HOUR. IT HAS ABSOLUTELY NO PATTERN WHAT SO EVER. IT COULD HAPPEN WHILE I AM DOING SOMETHING EPIC LIKE FIGHTING A DRAGON OR SOMETHING SIMPLE LIKE MAKING MY SIM TAKE A CRAP ON THE JOHN.

Excuse me one moment.

While I’ll admit to my fair share of destroying pieces of technology through my incurable and persistent klutziness (perhaps by dropping them or spilling liquid on them . . . . . :D), it seem about 99% of the time, I just have to touch the thing and it breaks. This absolutely flipping fantastic talent of destroying every electronic I touch is going as far as ATM’s not working for me! When I tell people this, they always say ‘You must be doing something wrong then, no one is THAT unlucky.’ Yet then when I see them do exactly what I’d do, things work fine for them. So I am here to tell you that it IS in fact possible to be that unlucky with technology, for here I am! 😛 Yet as much as it pains me and as much as I hate technology, I always go back to using it. I mean how else am I supposed to write blogs, type essays and play Lego Starwars?! It just makes me want to put my head through a wall that something that provides me an enormous amount of entertainment also makes me want to cave someones skull in. I will always TRY (key word being ‘try’) to use electronics, knowing that at some point they’ll no doubt malfunction on me. I’ll have a tantrum that’d rival a 3 year olds, sit in the corner pouting and sulking for an hour, then go turn the stupid thing back on. It’s a vicious cycle. And a love hate relationship.

But mostly hate 😀

Until next rant my lovlies! ^_^

 

And they all lived happily ever after? April 30, 2012

Random Raging Rant No. 1: Lack-Lustre endings.

We have all had that book, TV or gaming series that we absolutely love and adore. For a while there, you absolutely live and breathe it. You want to shout from the rooftops how flipping fantastic it is and grab people by the front of the shirt and shake them stupid while explaining every single in and out of the story line. Then, this series comes to an end. You get slightly depressed, but part of you can’t wait to find out what happens. You get your hands on the last installment. You’re almost peeing your pants in excitement while you are reading it, playing it or watching it. This series has been one of the most fantastic things in your life up until now. You have spent hours and hours of your life taking time to read or play or watch it. Then you’ve almost finished it. Everything in the series is going according to plan, and you can almost taste that sweet ending that you have been waiting for. Then, right at the last hurdle, AN UNEXPECTED TWIST LUNGES OUT AT YOU, RIPS YOUR HEART OUT AND SHITS ALL OVER THE HAPPY ENDING.

This momentarily makes me want to gouge someones eyes out. Its like the author/producer/designer has either: A) Had their brain eaten by zombies

Or:

B) Smashed their face into the keyboard multiple times when deciding the plot for the ending.

Nothing, NOTHING, is more disappointing than a shitty end to a fantastic series. Will you ever be able to look at the series again in the same way after you have seen its terrible demise as it careens off a cliff? Ever be able to read it, watch it, or play it again feeling the same wave of awe you did the first time? You bet your sweet ass you won’t. While some of these endings just ruin the last installment of it, most end up rendering the whole series completely pointless!

The two major examples of this I have run into recently are the endings of Mass Effect and the Hunger Games series. These are two absolutely mindblowing series that I loved, but the endings were filled with twists. And not the oh-my-god-that’s-amazing type of twist, the oh-my-god-is-this-person-on-crack type of twists. There will be spoilers ahead, so if you are actually interested in pursuing these titles, probably skip to the ending paragraph. For those who have already read The Hunger Games and played Mass Effect, or for those of you who don’t really care and want to continue to read my drivel, read on 😀

AGAIN, I WARN YOU, MAJOR SPOIL ALERT! 😀

THE HUNGER GAMES

Ok, so for those of you who haven’t read the Hunger Games, I will do a quick recap on the series as a whole. In Book 1 (The Hunger Games, which on its own is a fantastic book) you are introduced to the main character Katniss, her sister Prim, and her best friend Gale. Remember these names, as they are the three that feature in the ending that I ranted about for weeks on end. They live in a postapocalyptic world in the city of Panem, which contains the Capitol, and 12 Districts. The Capitol is rich and lavish, and rules over the Districts. About 75 years ago, this dictatorship caused a rebellion among the districts, but they lost. In the fight, District 13 was obliterated, leaving only the 12. As a way to prevent this from happening again and to remind the districts who is in charge, the Hunger Games was created. Each year, 2 children, a boy and a girl between the age of 12 and 18, are taken from each district, and are forced to fight to the death in an arena. 24 tributes go in, only one can come out. These children are randomly picked out of a draw, and the whole city of Panem is forced to watch children, THEIR children, fight and kill each other as a reminder of how weak they are against the Capitol.

Katniss lives in District 12, the poorest district, and within that district her family is considered poor. Over the years, her family would have not survived if it was not for her skilled hunting and her best friend Gale. These two have a very close relationship, and he loves her. Through the whole series, he is always there for her, and does not give up on her. The other important person in Katniss’ life is her 12 year old sister Prim, who she loves more than life itself. She has spent her whole life protecting her. At this years Hunger Games, Prim’s name gets drawn. Katniss sacrifices herself and takes Prim’s place, certain that she is going to die in the Hunger Games, but was happy in knowing she had saved Prim’s life. Everything that follows is because of the decision she made to protect Prim. Throughout the books, we see Katniss survive the Hunger Games through defiance of the Capitol, return to District 12, be threatened by the President (Because of her the Districts have begun to riot. If a 15 year old girl can defy the Capitol why can’t they?), is put through another Hunger Games, saved by rebels, delves into madness, and becomes the face of the second rebellion of Panem.

Firstly, while Katniss’ mental state in the third book (Mockingjay = least favourite book) is understandable (she has seen many horrors and had to kill other kids), it ends up completely changing her character. Everything that made Katniss wonderful, her willpower, her determination and her strength, is gone. She may as well be a different character. And because of her descent into madness, at the end of the book, she isn’t even recognised for the wonderful things she achieved, she is just forever know as a crazy lady! Secondly, Gale just disappears off the face of the planet. These guys were best friends for years, helped each other survive, HE LOVED HER FOR GODS SAKE, and then he just ticks off, for no particular reason, never to be heard of again. JERK. Finally, EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS TO KATNISS is because she wanted Prim to have a good life and most of all, LIVE. So what happens right at the end? Prim dies. Yep, gets blown to pieces in front of Katniss. WHAT THE FRACK. EVERY FLIPPING THING THAT HAPPENED STILL DIDN’T CHANGE THE OUTCOME, WHETHER PRIM ENTERED THE HUNGER GAMES OR NOT. SHE STILL DIES. I just don’t understand the author’s reasoning in even doing this, or even writing the whole freaking series for that matter if the whole reason the series exists ends up dying! Seriously, this ending was so disappointing on so many levels, and had left so much unsaid that I have been advising people to read the first book only. First book = Fantastic. Second book = Great. Third Book = TOTAL PILE OF ELEPHANT DUNG.

MASS EFFECT

Again, a quick recap of the game. The main character Commander Shepard is on a mission to destroy the Reapers, a group of huge-ass alien beings who wipe out all life in the galaxy every 50, 000 years to make way for new species and evolution. Humans along with many other species rally together to defeat the Reapers. This game is an RPG, so your choices affect the outcome of the game. You form friendships, relationships, you personally craft the person your own Shepard becomes and form your own crew. You grow attachments to your favourite crew members and your own Shepard. You play 90 loving hours of gameplay across the whole three games, always having freedom of choice in your decisions (something Bioware has always prided themselves on in Mass Effect) and trust that your decisions and actions will make a difference. Right? WRONG! Right at the end, you have absolutely no choice but to make your Shepard die. While Shepard dying isn’t the problem (he/she is a solider, it’s a hero’s death) the following cut scene after his/her death is terrible. Firstly, the variation in choice is gone, the only difference? Option A gives you a red explosion, Option B give you a green explosion, and Option C gives you a blue explosion. Pick your fricken favourite colour out of the three, and that’s your versatile ending.

No matter which one you pick you get the same outcome, Shepard dies, the Reapers leave/die, the galaxies transport systems (Mass Relays used to get from one solar system to another) are screwed and your crew gets stranded on a different planet. So much for different endings based on choice Bioware!

Also, as a gamer playing an RPG, even if your character dies, you want closure on the story. In Mass Effect 3, you find out NOTHING. You don’t find out the state of Earth or the galaxy after the war. Your lover doesn’t even mourn your death or didn’t even stay on Earth for your funeral (if there even was one, which we don’t know), as they are too busy admiring the pretty scenery on the planet their stranded on. And recognition of Shepard’s sacrifice? You get some little old grandpa telling his grandkids a story about him years after. WHAT THE FLIPPITY SHIT? THIS MAN JUST SAVED THE WHOLE GALAXY, AND THAT’S THE AMOUNT OF RECOGNITION HE GETS? Brilliant game, terrible TERRIBLE ending! I’ll also point out that Bioware in fact made another game before Mass Effect 3 (Dragon Age, another RPG, I highly recommend it!) in which your decisions actually DO affect the story line with varied and multiple different endings, and gives a brilliant recap of what happens to the country and every one of your party members after you finish the game, EVEN if you die. I will never know why they didn’t give a bit more thought to make the Mass Effect ending similar to this other highly praised game. Moral of the story Bioware: don’t fix what ain’t broken!

Long story short, bad endings suck. If you are writing, directing or creating a series, for the love of god please don’t ruin the whole series with such a cop-out ending! Your character doesn’t always have to be in constant turmoil, and endings with apparent ‘twist’ deaths may make you feel like you have made it more interesting, but in this act you could potentially be ruining your whole series! Would have Harry Potter been as successful if Harry had died and Voldemort had won? NO! Would have Lord of the Rings been a classic if Sauron had killed Frodo and Sam and taken the ring? NO! Mostly, as soft as it sounds, people want things to end on a positive note, and if a main character has to die, make it WORTH something, not just end it with a once heroine turned crazy person or an old man telling a piddly little story. I don’t know about you, but I’d much rather hear the lame phrase ‘And they all lived happily ever after’ than have twisted and crap filled endings! GAHAKAUFGBAUKFGLIAKFLIAGFJHAGKJGAFG!

Until next rant my lovely followers 😀