Remain Insane

Ramblings of an animal loving, people hating, game enthusing, book nerd :D

The customer is always right. March 24, 2013

And if by ‘customer’ you mean ‘spawn of Satan’, and by ‘right’ you mean ‘incurably stupid’, then yes, the ‘customer’ is ALWAYS ‘right’ 🙂

Ah people, the worst part of everyone’s day! No matter what department you work in or career you have chosen, I think we all dread the moment we have to open up shop and let the mindless hordes into our workplace.

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In terms of customers, my first job at a wildlife park was great. Being a keeper, you don’t have to give a flying dog crap about the customers, you are there for the animals! Sure, you get some pretty idiotic questions, but at the end of the day, as long as the animals are taken care of, your job is done. My new job however, may be at a pet store with cute fluffy baby animals, but is (shudder) a customer service job. I have been at said job now for 6 months now…… and lets just say I wish my workplace had this policy:

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After having what may possibly be the most stupid conversation with a customer in my life the other day, I thought I would share some of my most stupid customer questions/stories that have personally happened to me or have been told to me by my lovely boyfriend Steven who knows the ins and outs of idiocy that is displayed at a grocery store. I mean, what good are these stupid experiences if they can’t at least be used for a laugh right? 😛

Customers in a wildlife park

Customer 1 – when conducting a show where customers may hold a baby crocodile:

Why is there tape on the crocodiles mouth? – said the lady who had just watched me catch the croc while it was trying to bite my fingers

Customer 2 – upon seeing the baby crocodile:

Oh, can I hold the big one instead? /points to the three metre croc that could, oh I don’t know, MAYBE RIP HIS F*CKING LEG OFF?!

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Customer 3:

Do you ever like put the crocodiles in harnesses and take them for walks?

Customer 4:

Can I ride the donkey? – Said the fully grown adult twice the size of the donkey

Customer 5:

Can I ride a kangaroo? – Said the American woman who clearly took our ‘We ride kangaroos to school’ joke a little too seriously

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Customer 6:

Excuse me, do you work here? – Asked the woman while I was in the buffalo enclosure up to my elbows in animal shit

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No lady, I don’t work here, I’m just doing this for shits and giggles.

Customers in a Grocery store

Customer 7 –  taking her purchases through the checkout at about 7pm:

Worker: Have a good day!

Customer: /walks off and then goes up to the service desk

I’d like to make a complaint!

Manager: And what was that?

Customer: That girl over there told me to ‘Have a good day’, when it’s actually night-time.

Customer 8 –  looking for an item:

Customer: Excuse me, do you have Susan Day Fairy Cakes?

Steven: No, we haven’t been able to get them in for a while now sorry.

Customer: That’s bullshit! The people who do the orders need a f*cking bomb shoved up their ass!

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Customers in a Pet Store

Customer 9 – interested in buying a dog:

Um, so, like what do dogs eat? – Said the guy who I really hope was trolling

Customer 10 – wanting to buy a rat:

Co-worker: Okay dokey, so do you have food for him?

Customer: No, I’ll buy that next week.

Co-worker: Oh….. but you want the rat now?

Customer: Yes.

Co-worker: So what do you plan on feeding him with for the next week?

Customer: He’ll be ok without it for a week won’t he?

Customer’s 11 and 12 – There was a sign at the front of the store on a puppy pen saying ‘Guinea Pigs: now only $10!’ In said puppy pen was a Border Collie puppy:

Customer 11: Oh my gosh, look at that giant guinea pig!

Customer 12: Excuse me, can we please buy the $10 dog?

Customer 13 – interested in buying a puppy: 

Can I put that dog on layby for a month? – Asked the man who didn’t seem to understand that puppies grow

Customer 14 – paying for her purchases:

Co-worker: That’ll be $135 thankyou.

Customer: /takes money out of her wallet, hands it over to co-worker

Co-worker: You need twelve more dollars.

Customer: What does that mean?

Co-worker: You need $12 more.

Customer: I don’t understand, I didn’t go to school to learn this shit! – Exclaimed the woman who is not known for her brainage

Customer 15 – asking for dog medical advice:

Customer: Hi, my dog is throwing up and dehydrated, do have anything I can give it?

Me: Um, I think you should be taking your dog to the vet immediately.

Customer: Oh, why?!

Customer 16:

Customer: How much are your puppies?

Me: Which one? (we have 9 different puppy pens)

Customer: That one. (gestures to the right that has 4 puppy pens)

Me: Which one over there?

Customer: That one! (waves his hand again in the general direction to the right)

Me: Top or bottom?

Customer: Bottom I think.

Me: Left or right?

Customer: Left, I mean right…. your right?

Me: Do you know its name?

Customer: Yeah, the staffy pups, on the top right!

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Because saying ‘the Staffy pups’ to begin with was super hard hey?

Customer 17 – asking prices about dogs and the man who inspired this post  –

Customer: Excuse me, how much is this dog?

Me: Three hundred and ninety five dollars.

Customer: Ok, how much is this one compared to that one?

Me: Both are three hundred and ninety five dollars.

Customer: So you mean I could get both dogs for only $395?!

Me: /sigh No, they are three ninety five EACH.

Customer: Wait, so each dog is only $3.95 each?!

Me: …………….. No, they are THREE HUNDRED AND NINETY FIVE DOLLARS EACH.

Customer: But you said they were three ninety five each?

Me: Yes, meaning EACH dog ON ITS OWN is $395.

Customer: Wait, so its $395 for one dog, not both?

Me: YES.

Customer: And they are $395, not $3.95?

Me: YES.

Customer: So I can’t get two dogs for $395?

Me: NO.

Customer: Oooooooooooh! Wait I’m still confused!

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 Humans: we’re certainly bred for our intelligence right? 😉

Until next time my lovely readers,

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15 Jasper memes! January 30, 2013

Let’s face it, if I were to go through your browser history while ignoring some of the more ….. er …… colourful web searches 😛 at some point I would come across ‘cat memes’, ‘funny cats’ or something similar of the sort (yes, even you too guys!). I myself tend to spend far too much time looking for these ridiculous pictures when my boredom is coupled with internet access AND I REGRET NOTHING! 😀 but am always rewarded with a giggle at these crazy little critters antics. After viewing a few hundred of these pictures and memes, I was going through my photos and came to the realisation that over the course of his short life, my cat Jasper has been very photogenic………..so after having way too much time on my hands these uni holidays, having the opinion that cats are hilarious in any situation as well as having an over active imagination, I give you……. *insert drumroll here* my very own Jasper memes! 😛 No doubt my cat would disown me if he knew how badly I was degrading his noble stature on the internet, but what he doesn’t know can’t hurt him right? 😉

And lucky number 15, a reaction typical of my boyfriend and I when talking to Jasper 😛

I need to get out more 😀

Until next week lovelies 🙂

 

Writer’s block and brain farts January 15, 2013

Over the past few days I have wasted hours staring at a blank computer screen. I have started this sentence a few dozen times and then ended up deleting it only to be stuck on a blank screen again. I have come up with many an idea of blog posts I’d love to write, rants that must be had and books and games that I would love to rave about, but I can’t seem to put any of them into something that doesn’t sound like I just mashed my face into the keyboard. I have cracked tantrums, been adamant I will delete my whole blog because of how frustrated I am and then decided against it at last minute. No matter how much I have tried nor how many hours I have spent trying to write my brain completely refuses to function and let me have my creative outlet. I have been struck with a very severe case of writers block, so much so that I have spent the past 24 hours having writer’s block about how to write about writer’s block! I have so much to say and yet no way to say it!

Already it has been half an hour and another tantrum since I have typed the paragraph above! I don’t know if it’s because I’m trying to hard. I don’t know if it’s because I am beginning to over think my posts and am worrying too about the content. I don’t know if it’s because I am comparing myself to other blogger’s and feel as if I am coming up short. All I know is this brain fart is beginning to drive me up the wall!

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I have read and tried so many tips on how to get past it: Talk to someone about it (I’ve practically gnawed my poor boyfriend’s ear off), if you can’t write anything try again later (x1000000000), write crap (currently in progress 😛 ), but alas, nothing is working and I am still stuck as ever. And I possibly just created the most pointless blog post ever….. well at least I can cross out the possibility that my lack of writing is due to me worrying about the content 😛 Maybe eating my frustrations and stress will help?

After all, stressed is desserts spelt backwards! 😉

Oh, and meet Squirt (yes, as in Squirt off of Finding Nemo 😛 ), our newest addition to our little family 🙂 Until next time lovelies, when my brain decides to become functional again!

‘You so totally rock Squirt!’

 

15 Useless Animal Facts Pt. 2 :D December 29, 2012

Everyone loves weird/gross/interesting animal facts on a Saturday evening, so here is Part 2 of my list of completely useless animal facts! 😀

1) Frogs are unable to vomit. Being a reflex to get rid of possibly harmful toxins we have ingested, obviously lacking this mechanism means that if frogs eat something harmful they’ll kick the bucket right? Wrong! Rather than vomiting and bringing all its food back up in that revolting manner, the frog instead throws up its ENTIRE STOMACH, empties the contents of it, and then swallows its stomach back down! Neat huh? 😛

2) Despite the huge difference in length, giraffes and humans have the same number of bones in their neck: seven.

3) Dolphins can’t sleep. For humans, breathing is an unconcious mechanism as we live in the medium that we also happen to breathe, oxygen. For dolphins, living underwater but also needing O2 means that a dolphin is a conscious breather as it has to monitor its O2 intake and regularly come up for air. If a dolphin was to fully drift off into a peaceful slumber like we do it would drown! To solve this problem, a dolphin will take small naps with only one half of its brain at a time while the other half is still awake!

4) Baby Koala’s are not born with the ability to digest eucalyptus leaves. Obviously with eucalyptus being the only thing on the menu for a koala, this presents a bit of a problem! To help the babies digestive system develop the enzymes to overcome the toxins in eucalyptus, the mother feeds her baby a substance called pap…… which is er, well, pre-digested leaves….. yes she feeds her baby her faeces. As a result of this, the baby is able to eat eucalyptus when it is older, but is only able to eat the same types of eucalyptus as its mother did, as its immune system was only able to adapt to the pre-digested leaves it was exposed to in the mum’s poop!

5) A female ferret needs mate after she has gone into heat or she will literally die (because of a hormone imbalance)! While this is legit for the ferret, I wouldn’t put it past some humans to try and see if this excuse works with their partners: ‘Honey, if we don’t have sex right this moment I’m going to die!’ 😉

6) Kangaroo’s can’t fart. The methane that their body produces is converted into an energy source that their body reuses! I wish I could say the same about my cat! 😛

7) Ever wondered how once a bee has found a flower suddenly every other bee in the whole neighbourhood is suddenly at that flower too? When a bee finds something that will be of significance to the hive (new home/food source), it returns to its hive and it…… wait for it……. it dances! But this just isn’t any interpretive dance, this little bee’s ‘waggle dance’ is telling all the other bees EXACTLY where the food source is, from the direction and distance it is in relation to the hive right down to the angle it is at in relation to the sun!! And even when the bee is doing this dance for hours, he changes his dance (its direction and the amount of wiggles he does per cycle) in relation to the sun’s movements so he is still telling the other bees exactly where the item is even though it is a different time of day!

8) Ask anyone and they will tell you that a goldfish only has a memory span of three seconds. Common knowledge right? But is it correct? A 15 year old Australian school boy decided to test this theory by placing a beacon in the water when he was going to feed the goldfish, would wait 30 seconds and then sprinkle the food around the beacon. After 3 weeks, with a beginning time (at one week) of 1 minute to recognise the beacon and a finishing time (at three weeks) of less than 5 seconds after the beacon was placed into the water, the goldfish showed they now had established the food connection to the beacon. The boy then removed the beacon from the feeding process and fed the fish normally for the next week. When reintroduced 7 days later, the fish immediately recognised the beacon and reached it in 4.4 seconds, showing that they remembered it and could retain the information! Turns out goldfish aren’t as dumb as we think they are, and when you think about it are certainly smarter than some humans! 😉

9) In 1740, a cow was found guilty of witchcraft and publicly executed! On another note all our ancestors were obviously also crack addicts 😛

10) You think human’s are evolved? Try this on for size: there is a monkey species where the baby pulls itself out of the womb!! That’s right, none of that horrible pushing and straining that seems characteristic of childbirth, the mother just gives the first initial heave and the baby does the rest of the work! Now THAT is evolution!

11) A dog was the king of Norway for three years! After the King’s son was killed by his subjects, angry, the King gave the people of Norway a choice, to be ruled by his slave or his dog, and they chose the dog! You know a person is a pretty shitty option when a dog beats him in politics! 😛

12) Sand Tiger Sharks are fighting for life from the moment they come into existence, literally! While the mother produces many eggs, she can only give birth to one pup, so once the embryo starts developing it has to begin killing off its brother and sisters while still in the womb in order to survive! Talk about a violent start to life!

13) Never underestimate how dangerous a Rattle Snake can be….. even when its dead!! The instinct to strike at close movement is so hard-wired into a Rattle Snakes muscle reflexes that even with a dead brain an hour after its death it is still capable of killing you!

14) The penalty for killing a cat in ancient Egypt was death!

15) And once again on a more personal note, an animal story that occurred a little closer to home! Karta is an orangutan at Adelaide Zoo, whose enclosure (which I spend way too much time at when I am at the zoo :D) is surrounded by hotwires and high walls. To keepers, Karta never seemed to pay much attention to these things, so it was to their great surprise one day when she jumped ship and got out of her enclosure!! Orangutans are extremely intelligent and are perfectly capable of working through problems, which is just what Karta had been doing in the days leading to her escape. She had previously poked the hotwire with a stick, but on the day of her escape, the smart little cookie twisted the stick through all of the wires causing them to touch one another and short circuited the whole system! Once she had done this, Karta then started ripping up plants and placing them up against the wall to make herself a ladder to get out! And after all that effort, Karta hopped over the wall, saw freedom wasn’t all it was cracked up to be, and climbed back into her enclosure! After her little adventure the keepers decided they better have a better look into their animal security systems haha 😉

Until next time lovelies 🙂

 

Musical Madness December 19, 2012

Raging Rant No. 5: Shitty music

From the beginning of time when the first caveman overly strained his frontal cortex, hit two bones together and thought it was pretty neat, music has always been created to invoke an emotion in its listeners. Pop, rock, rap, RnB, soul, blues, jazz, metal, country, we all have our favourite genre of these wonderful complications to listen to and lose ourselves in. Some of these songs make us happy. Some make us sad. Some make us laugh . . . .

And others make me want to gauge out voice boxes and Fus Ro Dah assholes off of cliff faces.

Personally, I am a rock/disco/pop fan, so I hate 99% of today’s techno hits that are coming out. But before I insult anyone on their music taste, when I say shit music, I am not actually talking about the genre of what a song is. I am more referring to the lyrical ‘genius’ of artists when they are composing a song. While it is perfectly possible for artists to create a song not only with good music but with good lyrics too, good quality lyrics are being sacrificed more often these days while being replaced with shallow and meaningless ones. Don’t get me wrong, not all lyrics have to be meaningful and shitty lyrics span across all types of genres, but at the risk of sounding like a cranky old grandma that’s going to beat you with her walking stick while nagging your ear off about ‘back in her day’, I am fairly certain our poor radios have been subjected to their fair share of dumbassery in concentrated amounts over the past few years , starting with . . . . .

1) She’s so Mean by Matchbox Twenty

The lyrics:

‘She’ll make you take her to the club, but then she leaves with her friends
She likes to stay late at the party cause the fun never ends
And all her clothes are on the floor, and all your records are scratched
She’s like a one-way ticket cause you can’t come back

Sayin’ yeah, and you want her
But she’s so mean
(You’ll never let her go, why don’t you let her go?)
Yeah, and you want her
But she’s so mean
(You’ll never let her go, why don’t you let her go?)’

That’s right fellas, apparently as long as your girlfriend is hot, her personality doesn’t count for a penny! She’s a complete bitch you say? Doesn’t matter, she’s hot dude! She’s destroying your shit? Oh you, that shouldn’t come into account you silly fool, I mean her face completely excuses her actions, she’s a real keeper!

I don’t know about you guys, but if I had some woman destroying my stuff and ditching me for her friends, I wouldn’t give a dog turd about how hot her face was, that bitch is getting fly kicked!

2) That’s what makes you Beautiful by One Direction (Note: no picture is included for said song as I outright refuse to see that people looking up One Direction have been directed to my blog via google search)

The lyrics:

‘Baby you light up my world like nobody else
The way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed
But when you smile at the ground it aint hard to tell
You don’t know you’re beautiful, that’s what makes you beautiful!’

Firstly, this meme describes my first objection to your stupid lyrics perfectly:

Secondly, doesn’t this girl you are talking about that is beautiful because she doesn’t know she’s beautiful now know she’s beautiful so that means she is no longer beautiful?

3) Peacock by Katy Perry

The lyrics:

‘Are you brave enough to let me see your peacock? Don’t be a chicken boy, stop acting like a biatch. I’m a peace out if you don’t give me the pay off, Come on baby let me see your whatchu hidin’ underneath! I wanna see your peacock, cock cock (repeat cock a few more hundred times)’

Katy Perry is certainly passionate about seeing her man’s colourful bird up front! I’m not sure how many guys would be able to satisfy her though, I mean, what guy drags his peacock around on a date? Oh wait….. you mean she actually means she wants to see his….. OH! What a delightfully clever play on words, oh Katy, you certainly are subtle!

4) Call Me Maybe by Carly Rae Jepsen

The lyrics:

‘Your stare was holding
Ripped jeans, skin was showing
Hot night, wind was blowing
Where you think you’re going, baby?

Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy
But here’s my number, so call me maybe
It’s hard to look right, at you baby
But here’s my number, so call me maybe

Before you came into my life I missed you so bad
I missed you so bad… I missed you so, so bad’

Hey you just met him, and you’re fucking crazy. Give him your number, and he’ll stalk you maybe! Wait, maybe I’ve got it around the wrong way around! ‘Before you came into my life I missed you so bad’? Firstly, we can clearly see Carly has impeccable logic. Secondly, how long has Carly been following this poor guy around without ever making her presence known to him?! DON’T TAKE HER NUMBER MAN, RUN WHILE YOU CAN! Better run fast though, from the sounds of it Carly isn’t going to let you get very far…

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6) Friday by Rebecca Black

The lyrics:

Seven a.m., waking up in the morning
Gotta be fresh, gotta go downstairs
Gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal
Seein’ everything, the time is goin’
Tickin’ on and on, everybody’s rushin’
Gotta get down to the bus stop
Gotta catch my bus, I see my friends (My friends)

Kickin’ in the front seat
Sittin’ in the back seat
Gotta make my mind up
Which seat can I take?

Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday
Today i-is Friday, Friday (Partyin’)
We-we-we so excited
We so excited’

Phew, I wish my life was that exciting when I was 12 years old! Getting up at 7am, eating cereal and choosing what seat to sit in in the car, woah! I mean, being given the choice of sitting in the front seat or the back seat by your parents is pretty damn life changing at 12! You’ll look totally bitchin’ and be ready to paaarrtaay……. at your 4-year-old cousins birthday party 😉 And wait, you’re telling me that if yesterday was Thursday, that means today is Friday?!?!

THAT IS TOTALLY LIFE CHANGING, I AM SO GLAD YOU FELT THE NEED TO ADD THIS INTO A SONG SO THE WORLD CAN REVEL IN THIS NEW THEORY!

7) Skater Boy by Avril Lavigne

The lyrics:

‘He was a boy
She was a girl
Can I make it anymore obvious?’

WHERE ARE THESE PEOPLE COMING UP WITH THESE WONDERFUL NEW REVOLUTIONARY DISCOVERIES?! MIND BLOWN.

8) Hot Problems by Double Take

The lyrics:

‘Just cuz I’m pretty
I have to be dumb
I don’t care about wits
I just wanna have fun.

Hot girls we have problems too
We’re just like you
Except we’re hot
The world needs to open their eyes
and realise
We’re not perfect and sometimes we lie!

Just kidding,
we’re perfect!’

Everyone, please take a moment to mourn for the ‘hot girls’ of the world and really think about how difficult life must be to be dumb, misunderstood and to be like normal people but hot …….. that second over yet? We done? Great! I cried you a river Double Take, I really did, but I don’t understa….. I can’t even…… DA FUQ?! When I first saw the lyrics I thought these girls must have been joking and taking the piss, but upon watching the video, the sad thing is they are actually serious. At least the song had a happy ending though right? I mean, after describing the troubles these poor pre-pubescent little snots girls have to face daily by not being perfect, in the end it turns out they are actually perfect and being good-looking and dumb is great!

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While there is no doubt these songs have been popular, music artists these days are a total cop out when it comes to their lyrics, and quite frankly make my ears bleed! I don’t know about you, but I would rather write a single good quality song that meant something beyond genitalia, hot girls or which seat I should take in the car on a Friday and that would be remembered for a lifetime rather than a shitty little tune with lyrics that a three-year old could babble out and make a quick buck. While there would be many people who would disagree with me on my criticisms of these songs, I have one further point to push my Grandma case of why musical lyrics were better ‘back in the day’:

It took 7 people to write Justin Bieber’s song ‘Baby’ which consists of about a dozen words. It took ONE MAN to write the musical masterpiece that is Bohemian Rhapsody.

Until next rant lovelies 🙂

 

A big belated thankyou! December 11, 2012

Filed under: The Ramblings — Gemma @ 12:22 am

Over the past couple months I may have been absent, but it certainly didn’t escape my notice that some of my lovely followers had nominated me for some lovely awards in my time away! While some of them were from a while ago and some only recently, I thought I would make up a quick post to say thankyou to all of those wonderful followers who nominated me as well as make some nominations of my own! 🙂

Oh Yes They Did nominated me for the Readers Appreciation Award! OhYesTheyDid can be described perfectly by the bloggers opening statement in her ‘About’: ‘Let’s face it, people are stupid, and stupid people are amusing!’ From shitty inventions sold on Etsy to stories about people who are completely nuts, OhYesTheyDid always provides a great laugh! 🙂

My nomination: Blogs-of-a-Bookaholic – Becky always gives such great indepth and honest book reviews (and even when she doesn’t like a book she directs you to another blog/review to provide you with a different opinion so she doesn’t potentially put you off of a book that you may like) that I think she deserves some Readers Appreciation! 🙂

Long Life Cats and Dogs nominated me for the Illuminating Blogger Award! Susan is an animal lover that started her blog in the hope of introducing the lives of the people and animals in Animal Welfare Shelters and wishes to work towards animal awareness!

My nomination: Mikumi Musings – A very illuminating blog into what it is like to live for a year in Africa! Her stories are so interesting though she does have trouble sometimes with her internet connection due to elephants rubbing up against the satellite dish! 😉

EatSleepProcrastinate nominated me for the Sunshine Award! Rob writes about everything and anything. Besides having a great sense of humor and writing style I think Rob pretty much describes the basis of life with his blog name! 😉

My nominations: Rambles, rants and raves – I love this girl’s blog so much! B is such a fantastic writer and her posts are always so true and really make you think about how we function (and how messed up our perception is) as a society.

Random Rants – She is one of the few people on WordPress that I actually know in person and we have been friends for many years 🙂 She has just started up her blog, so check it out! If you like Dr. Who, you and her will get along just fine! 😛

The wonderful Rambles, Rants and Raves mentioned above nominated me for the Inspiring Blogger Award! Again, and I stress this – LOOK AT HER BLOG RIGHT NOW! 🙂

My nomination: Lots’boutnothin’ – One of the first bloggers that I began properly having conversations with and even emailing each other rants about the Hunger Games, she is a wonderful easy going person with a very refreshing and inspiring view on life 🙂 and has some very cute cats!

And finally, Defining Wonderland and Lots about nothin (as mentioned above) nominated me for the Liebster Blog Award (an appreciation award for those with less than 200 followers)! Defining Wonderland poses questions, tells stories and offers words of wisdom that she has gathered through ‘this strange thing we call life’ 🙂 I always love reading her stories and positive outlooks on life!

My nomination: The Postulating Engineer – Jeremy likes sci-fi, books, loves nerdy things and writes great reviews on movies, besides being a lovely person to have a conversation with! 🙂

Thankyou again for all the lovely nominations guys, I really appreciate it! 🙂 Rather than telling you 7 points about myself for EACH award, I have answered a set of questions given to me by Defining Wonderland with my award, and those you I have nominated, I pass on this set of questions to you too so get answering! 😛

1) What is your favorite 80′s film and why?

Back to the Future. My brother and I watched this movie dozens of times and I am still not sick of it, besides, the idea of time travel fascinates me!

2) If you could live in any fictional world, which one would it be?

Pandora on the movie Avatar before the humans came to exploit their resources. Pandora shows us an almost alternate universe of how humans could have interacted with their world, care for it, nurture it, live harmoniously with it……. the alternative we did not choose. For me, Pandora would be my paradise, the beautiful scenery, the simplified way of life, the unique animals …. if I could just forget about the whole creepy ‘lets have sex with our ponytails which we also happen to attach to the horses we ride’ 😛

3) A time machine is invented, but a person can only take one trip.  Do you go to the past or the future?  Why?

Definitely the past when humanity wasn’t so screwed up. Maybe I could go back to the 80’s with my boyfriend and we could attend many Bon Jovi concerts and live in the rock n’ roll era 😀 Oh, and also go and see Queen! 😀

4) How did you come up with the title of your blog?

Was playing around with 2 word combinations of what sounded catchy but would also describe me in a nutshell. Three days later…. Remain Insane was born 😉

5) What is the most important item on your bucket list?

To at least go to Borneo once in my lifetime to work with my beloved orangutans. One day, I don’t know when, I don’t know for how long and I don’t know how, but one day I will hold those darling orphaned baby orangutans in my arms and probably cry my eyes out with joy! 🙂

6) All’s fair in love and war.   True or false?

False. With my understanding of the statement my rebuttal is: Just because something can be explained by an emotion as strong as love or as an event as significant as war doesn’t necessarily make it fair.

7) What is your go-to karaoke (or shower) song?

It changes all the time! 😛 At the moment it is ’50 Ways to say Goodbye’ by Train 😀

8) Which sense could you live without?

Wow this one was a hard one! After going through the senses, I decided I would have to live without smell (lets just pretend it doesn’t affect my taste! :P), I’ve got too many other uses for touch, sight, hearing and taste!

9) Would you rather be loved because you are needed or needed because you are loved?

Needed because I am loved 🙂

10) What do you really think of these blogging awards?

I think they are a lovely way to brighten someones day and say ‘Hey you there, I like your blog and word vomit, keep it up!’ 🙂

11) Where were you on your eleventh birthday?

Desperately waiting for my Hogwarts letter. Actually, I’m still kinda hoping my letter just got lost in the mail and it’ll eventually find its way to me….. they’d still take a 21-year-old right…… RIGHT?! D:

Until next time lovlies! ^_^

 

Schoooool’s out for summer! School’s out forever! (I wish) December 7, 2012

Filed under: The Ramblings — Gemma @ 11:39 pm
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‘School’s been blown to pieces!’ Bit far? 😛

At last, I no longer have to do any more revision or stress over exams or drink a huge amount of caffeine just to be able to function. At last, no more Uni or long bus rides or falling asleep in lectures. Instead I have THREE MONTHS OF WONDERFUL HOLIDAYS! 😀 And being in Australia, this means these wonderful holidays also include the awesome season of summer! Now, take note that I use the term ‘awesome’ very loosely when it comes to summer. For example, right now I am inside in an air-conditioned room eating my summer fruits in a summery dress sitting by a window looking out into the lovely blue sky. Right now, summer is awesome! Later, I will have to step outside of my air conditioned house and walk to the bus stop while sweating profusely, feel like I am literally melting, having my skin scorched and will have a shit-ton of flies (Shit-ton: An ambiguously large number, larger than a crapton, but less than a holyfuckton. Usually equal to one metric ass load) trying to shove themselves up into every possible crevice on my face. Later, summer will be shithouse! Summer and I, we have a love-hate relationship, so many things to love, but so many things to hate!

Things to love:

– The Beach

Who doesn’t love the beach?! Swimming, a night time stroll, watching a sunset, having a picnic, playing a game of footy, add the beach to these normal activities and it makes them a million times more awesome! Spending a day at the beach with the lovely relaxing atmosphere it creates is totally worth the sandy butt crack you have by the end of the day!

Perhaaaps this isn’t the best way to deal with it though! 😛

– Summer fruits

SO MUCH LOVE! I find it almost impossible throughout the other seasons to eat healthy snacks as nothing is in season aside from the fact I whole heartedly respond with great gusto to my body wanting fatty foods 😛 But in summer: mangos, watermelon, peaches, nectarines, strawberries, blueberries, bananas, kiwifruit and oranges are available by the dozen, and I couldn’t be happier! Summer is probably the season I am the healthiest due to the sheer amount of mangos I consume alone, messy but delicious 😀

– Night time activities

Because of the longer days and Australian daylight saving, it only gets dark around 8-9 o’clock at night throughout summer! This gives you these wonderful extra hours to enjoy a lovely summers day without the scorching sun, which is best spent out walking, at the beach or simply having a waterfight in the back yard 😀

– Thongs

And no my English and American friends, I am not referring to the thong that is situated between your buttocks cheeks, I am referring to the good ol’ Aussie thongs, maybe better known as flip flops 🙂 While I’m not sure on the popularity or opinion of this footwear around the rest of the world, almost every Aussie owns a pair of these shoes. I find them so comfortable and wear them all summer long, hell, I can even run in these babies, though it definitely takes practice! 😛

– BBQ’s

There is nothing better than having a few friends over on a lovely summer evening while chucking a couple snags on the BBQ 🙂 It smells amazing, it tastes amazing, what is there not to love?! 😀

– Ice cream

Pretty self explanatory 😉 And mango sorbet is pretty awesome too!

-Summer rain

I don’t know what it is, but I find the smell of the air just before a summers rain amazing. The moisture in the air, the tingle of electricity, it is such an earthy but wonderful smell. Often I’ll watch the spectacular lightning and thunder display that follows this smell, but then go back outside again just after the rain has stopped, after the earth is damp, atmosphere has cooled and before the moisture is evaporated and again enjoy the simple but glorious smells. I always love the smell of rain, but it is always better in summer!

Things to hate:

– BUGS EVERYWHERE

Summer also unfortunately is that time of year where bugs make their presence quite known and they also happen to like to pop into your house and say G’day! Finding random spiders throughout the house daily, killing a hundred mosquitos so they don’t make a meal of you and swatting away the gazillion flies that insist of following you EVERYWHERE is what awaits you in an Australian summer. If there is one thing you have to admire them for, it is their persistence! But god almighty do I hate hearing that ‘bzzzzzzzzz’ constantly circling my head -___-

– Sleeping

Usually I love sleeping, but in summer, it is the worst! In winter when you are cold at night, its as simple as putting your electric blanket on or grabbing a hot water bottle, hopping under the covers and cuddling a boyfriend/girlfriend or a pillow and off you drift to dream land! In summer, you can sleep butt freaking naked with the fan blowing directly on you without the covers and the sheets are still sticking to your sweaty body!

– Stupid tan lines

Having an olive skin tone can be great, but by the end of summer isn’t all it’s cracked up to be! Because my skin likes to soak up rays like there is no tomorrow, by the end of summer I have a different tan line for each piece of clothing I have regularly worn out in the sun! Last year I think I counted about 5 different tan lines on my shoulders, 4 on my back, 4 on my feet and 3 on my legs! At the end of summer I am very thankful for the oncoming winter so I can hide underneath jumpers and pants waiting for my skin to stop looking a tad bit demented 😛

– Humidity

While I love the smell of summer rain, I certainly don’t like how it feels after the moisture has been evaporated back into the air! The sheer heat of summer is bad enough on its own, but when the humidity is high and it’s muggy as all hell it is the worst! Also, humidity+curly hair honestly does result in what is depicted above! Its ok cartoon weather girl, I know your pain all too well! 😛

– Boyfriend’s car

It can reach 40+ degrees celsius around Adelaide. My boyfriends car also happens to not have air conditioning. We are in for one hell of a summer when it comes to car rides! 😛 I think we are going to have to have all the windows down otherwise we are going to get roasted!

Sticking our heads out the window when we drive is sounding mighty fine right about now!

Nevertheless, through the good and the bad, I plan to enjoy this summer through wonderful day trips out with the boyfriend, sitting out the back reading a great book or sitting inside watching anime, Modern Family, Big Bang Theory or playing Skyrim or Lego Lord of the Rings! 😀 And blogging of course 😉

I’m baaaaaaccccck!

😀

 

Life as of late! October 17, 2012

 After typing a gazillion essays (YAY FOR UNI -___-), not yet being bothered to complete all of my actual interesting but lengthy blog posts, having a complete burn out and not being able to comprehend what is going on half the time, here is my life as of late in picture form!

Stop the press, GEMMA ACTUALLY DID SOMETHING WITH HER HAIR! Those that personally know me know how big this is. My whole life I have never done anything with my virgin brown hair, so Steven decided to pay for me to get a change and get it dip dyed caramel blonde. I have to say I am extremely happy with the result, I have always liked the ombre colouring, and it goes perfectly with brown spastic curly hair that is kept down 99% of the time such as mine. And best of all, it is easily maintainable for the lazy bastard in me 😀

Steven and I celebrated our 3 year anniversary. This man means more to me than words can describe, and he has made the last three years of my life amazing. Love you always baby! 🙂 ❤

We also both just turned 21. This doesn’t really bother us, as we both already know no matter what age we are, we are always going to act like 5 year olds 😀 We also had a 21st BBQ, which was a big thing for us because we are usually antisocial and have an overwhelming need to cut off total human contact once it gets dark 😛 It turned out to be a wonderful night full of tipsy fun, in which I discovered I can still Gangnam style (If you are not sure of the dance and song I am talking about, go onto Youtube and look up ‘Gangnam style’ by PSY) like a boss while drunk:

After dancing to it once, everyone seemed very impressed with my dancing and insisted it was done again. Only the next morning could I actually recall how many people actually filmed a video of my dancing, and while I have seen it and was quite proud of my moves, that is one video I don’t think I’ll be showing you 😉

This 21st gift from my little brother made my inner nerd have a fan girl episode and squeal with glee. IT IS AN ACTUAL LIFE SIZED COSPLAY KEYBLADE. ISN’T IT AWESOME?! I might not be prepared for the zombie apocalypse, but if the Heartless attack, I AM THE KEYBLADE MASTER! XD

After a year of living in Adelaide and applying for over 100 different jobs, I finally have got one…… at a pet store! 😀 This is currently my second week and I’m loving it so far. And just quietly, I am always happy when a puppy is a fussy eater or its siblings don’t let it have any food, it means I can take it out the back and feed it aka play with it, like this little sweetie 😀 It really makes me want to buy so many puppies, if it was up to me I would have already brought home a Blue Heeler, a Jack Russel, a Koolie, a Siberian Huskey (the little one above^) and a Golden Retriever! I sure if Jasper knew my plans of becoming a crazy dog lady, this would be his reaction:

Dear god….the end is near

At any chance to blow off my uni assignments, I have been devouring this mind blowing series. Seriously, read it right this second. I considered getting this book for about 6 months before actually purchasing it, and I regret not reading it sooner! I’d have to say it is already one of my favourite book series EVER. Jean Auel is an amazing writer, and the whole story is drool worthy. Set in the last Ice Age, the story is based on Ayla, a young European girl who loses her family to an earthquake at the age of 5, and is found and raised by Neanderthals, even though she is classed as one of ‘The Others’. Personally chosen by her totem the Cave Lion, Ayla tries her hardest to be a good Clan woman as she grows, but while her people and the Clan came from the same beginnings, the differences in body and mind between the two are vast. Tested over and over by an enormous amount of trials and tribulations, Ayla must try to repress her differences in order to stay with the only family she has ever known and loved. But as hard as she tries, Ayla is just too different, and has a destiny too great to ignore. After all, the Cave Lion, the strongest of all Clan totems, only chooses those that are meant for greatness. I could go on and on, but in all honesty, it really deserves a blog post in itself to do it any justice.

Uni is also sending me slightly batty, and I haven’t even begun to think about exams which are only 4 weeks away. If I actually manage to stay sane over the next month without some sort of breakdown it’ll be a miracle!

See you all on the flip side of exams! I hope……. /eye twitch

 

‘The English langauge is spoken fluently throughout Western society’….said no one ever September 12, 2012

Filed under: The People Hating — Gemma @ 6:42 pm
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For any other animal, the word evolution means that a fascinating and wondrous change has occurred for the better. Whether it be ‘this animal has evolved wings’ or ‘that animal has evolved to be the fastest thing on the planet’, evolution is forever looking for ways to improve the creatures it has so carefully crafted, and continues to work towards new improvements every day. Unfortunately, an evolution of sorts has occurred in humans and has been out of natures control to improve it. And rather than this movement taking leaps forward as an ‘evolutionary movement’ should, it has made mankind sound like a total bunch of buffoons:

The evolution of the English language.

While there are some real doozies, the following are what I belive are some of the worst words/sayings to ever grace our lovely language. And this is only the tip of the iceberg folks, it’s a downward spiral from here!

Exhibit A: YOLO

Definition: I’m a moron! You only live once.

Used in statements such as: Just got caught having sex with my best friend’s boyfriend….. YOLO!

Why this makes my ears bleed: You never see this ‘inspirational’ abbreviation referred to a worthwhile event in ones life such as ‘Just went sky diving, YOLO’. Instead, it is only ever used by prepubescent dumbasses (who have COMPLETELY taken the wrong message from this saying) who have done something completely moronic and they assume shouting ‘YOLO’ excuses what ever it is they have done. YOLO is not an excuse to make batshit crazy decisions. And if you only live one life, WHY ARE YOU LIVING IT LIKE A F*CKHEAD AND RISK RUINING IT WITH RASH DECISIONS?! Say YOLO while in my presence, and you are not going to be living your one life much longer. In the words of Jack Black: I fairly sure YOLO is just Carpe Diem for stupid people.

Exhibit B: Nek Minnit

Definition: Next minute.

Used in statements such as: One minute it was there, nek minnit, it was gone!

Why this makes my ears bleed: Congratulations, by saying ‘nek minute’ you have saved 0.000000001 milliseconds of your time via your ingenious ability to cut a single letter out of what was obviously an already hugely difficult phrase. Oh, and you’ve also made yourself sound like a total ass. Speak like that again, and NEXT MINUTE, you are going to my fist in your face.

Exhibit C: Boi/gurl

Definition: Boy and girl

Used in statements such as: Hey booooiii/gurrrl!

Why this makes my ears bleed: YOU HAVEN’T EVEN CUT OUT ANY LETTERS TO TRY AND SAVE TIME, YOU HAVE JUST REPLACED ALREADY PERFECTLY GOOD LETTERS WITH A RANDOM ASSORTMENT OF NONSENSE AND SOUND LIKE A TWAT. YOU ARE WORSE THAN THE NEK MINUTE PEOPLE.

Exhibit D: Smexy

Definition: A supposedly completely f*cked up cutsie way of saying sexy, or is smart and sexy combined.

Used in statements such as: Oooomg, me so smexy!

Why this makes my ears bleed: I’m sorry, if you use this word, you might be sexy, but you are DEFINATELY not smart. For the love of god, take the extra five seconds to say both words, smart and sexy, and save yourself the embarrassment.

Exhibit E: Swag

Definition: A ‘cool’ demeanor, style and how you present yourself.

Used in statements such as: Damn, that boy’s got swag!

Why this makes my ears bleed: To be honest I don’t even actually know what the hell swag is, it just sounds a total load of tosh that is just a lame excuse for being a dick.

Exhibit F: Ya’ll

Definition: You all.

Used in statements such as: Hey ya’ll!

Why this makes my ears bleed: Ok before I offend anyone who says this, this is just one of those weird unjustified pet peeves of mine 😛 It is also completely hypocritical of me, being Australian, in the same sentence to say ‘G’day’ and then that I hate the phrase ‘ya’ll’, but I hold Miley Cyrus personally responsible for raping my ears with it about 100 times per Hannah Montana episode 😛

Exhibit G: Straya’ c*nt!

Definition: A completely feral way of saying you have Aussie pride.

Used in statements such as: /feral does something classed as Australian: Straya cu*t!

Why this makes my ears bleed: If any of you have ever been to Australia, or live in Australia, no doubt you would have seen some of our *cough* wonderful bogans, that look a little something like this:

I am all for these guys having pride in our lovely country, but anything with that revolting word in it makes me cringe. If that’s the way you are going to show Australian pride, please drink some more beer until you pass out and we don’t have to hear you talk. What ever happened to the good old ‘Aussie aussie aussie oi oi oi!’?

Honestly, cavemen grunting at each other is more understandable. Though used in common conversation these days, these type of words drive the English student in me up the wall and honestly question if the younger generations that use these words actually have an IQ higher than single digits. Unfortunately, there is no hope to salvage the English language, and some genius will no doubt continue to come up with these ‘hip’ and ‘cool’ sayings that people will feel the need to work into every sentence to raise their stupid status among their equally stupid peers.

I only have one potential solution to this downward spiral: Begin to beat people to death with dictionaries.

 Let the Oxford beatings begin >:)

 

Scumbag Brain September 10, 2012

Filed under: The Ramblings — Gemma @ 11:32 pm
Tags: , ,

Why my brain is currently a total asshole:

1) My persistent writers block

In the past month, I have lost count of how many blog posts I have started and deleted. I have wanted to rant about stupid uni assignments and dumb people, rave about my current book obsession and Dragon Age some more, and just simply talk about many wonderful things that I hold close to my heart, but I seem to have had a complete inability to type such things in a way that doesn’t sound like I just smashed my head against the keyboard. Often after being determined to blog, I will sit at the computer for half an hour staring at a blank screen, type a sentence, delete it, stare at the screen for another half hour, then crack a tantrum and give up. My brain seems to be stuck in scientific mode with all my Biology assignments I have been writing and just doesn’t want to comply with my creative desire to blog.

2) My need to remember every demonic movie I have seen when its dark

Brain: ‘Pssssst, Gemma….. now that you’ve turned the light off, remember that time you saw Gothica and there was that demon child that would always appear out of no where in the dark and freaked the shit out of you? Yeah, that was some scary shit, anyway, sweet dreams!’

Or I’ll remember the ‘ghost’ videos I’ve seen. Or supernatural stories people have told me. Or movies where aliens rip your face off. Sometimes I think my brain prefers to torment me over sleeping.

3) The fact that rather than remembering the hours of exam revision, my brain likes to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to me during exams.

Every. single. time.

4) Female hormones

They are stupid, irrational and often cloud thoughts and create drama and jealously out of nothing. My brain stimulates the creation of these lovely things, so I am holding it personally responsible. If you are going to fill me with feminine hormones, at least make them practical ones that will add to a womanly figure in the chest or buttocks region where they can be of some nice  use rather than making me moody and weepy for no reason. Please and thankyou.

5) That the best thing I can come up with to blog about at the moment is a whole bunch of whining.

/insert more whingeing here 😛

I am hoping holidays next week will be able to return my poor creatively starved brain to its normal state so I can stop being so frustrated at myself for lack of writing. Hopefully this irritable mood I have gotten myself into can be cured with chocolate for the time being while I am completing my pile of assignments. It hasn’t worked very well so far, but that just means I gotta eat more right? 😛