Remain Insane

Ramblings of an animal loving, people hating, game enthusing, book nerd :D

Mounted cat heads, hyney’s and animal penises – The strange people who stumbled across my blog with strange Google searches July 31, 2013

As bloggers, there is nothing we like better than to visually see the virtual love our little internet space is accumulating in the form of followers, likes, comments, and more importantly, the amount of views shown on our stats pages. Whether it be 30, 300, or even 3000 views, seeing that little bar graph grow and expand is a way to let us know people have stopped by, visited our page and read our awesome blogs. On the surface, these stats and views look pretty as a picture and always give a much needed confidence boost that fellow bloggers like your stuff. After a while however, you will notice that it is not just other bloggers that are coming across your page, but also random people that have entered particular terms into a search engine, and lo’ and behold, your blog has popped up! At some point, you will become curious as to exactly what words and phrases are leading people to your blog, and will delve into the ‘Search Engine Terms’ to find out. I did as such, expecting to see a normal bunch of search terms and be able to place what searches had lead to what post. Boy was I wrong! Turns out, a lot of people have come across my blog searching for a bunch of very fucked up *ahem* strange things, in which my blog would have no doubt left them sorely disappointed 😛 So without further ado, here are some of the weirdest people with the weirdest Google searches to ever grace my blog!

Brace yourselves people, we are entering the underbelly of the ‘Search engine terms’ 😛

‘Cockroach shit’

Really? Cockroach shit? I’m always one for weird animal facts, but come on, there has to be something a bit more interesting to spend your time googling, like cat memes! 😀

‘Mounted Cat Heads’

WHAT?! WHY WOULD EVEN WANT THAT?! CAT’S ARE FOR GIGGLES AND CUDDLES, NOT TO MOUNT ON YOUR WALL! YOU GET OFF MY BLOG, AND YOU GET OFF IT NOW!

‘Hyena penis’, ‘Lion Penis’, ‘Baby Orangutan Penis’, ‘Animal penises’.

Wow people of the internet, you really like your animal penises! Sorry folks, though I have (in my ‘Useless Animal Facts’) mentioned a female hyena’s pseudo-penis and a lion’s scary spiked ding-a-ling, I don’t actually provide a whole A-Z of animal shlongs!

‘Hyney’

I seriously hope you are an atrocious speller and were searching for ‘Hyena’, because there are certainly no hyney’s on this blog! Sorry to disappoint, maybe if you get straight to point and search the terms ‘butt’ or ‘bum’ you’ll find what you’re after? 😛

‘Carly Rae Jepsen butt’

Oh, well in that case……. no, there are still no butt cheeks or cracks to be seen here. Go away!

‘Nude pics from warm summer rain’

What?! What have I just been saying?! How did you even get here?! Oh wait, I know, it was when I said one of my favourite things was summer rain wasn’t it? Sorry to get your hopes up, all you would have found would have been a picture of rain, not very good masturbatory material! Here, let me make it up to you, here is a photo of a wet pussy!

Come on really, what else did you expect? ;P

‘Sailor Moon sex’

So after just specifically specifying I have no buttock’s or nude pictures, you think I’ll have hentai on here too?! SAILOR MOON IS A CHILDHOOD FAVOURITE OF MINE, GET LOST YOU HOBO!

‘Skinny teen anal’

NO NO AND NO! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? HAVE YOU HEARD OF A THING CALLED PORN? GO USE IT!

‘I am the reptilian satan still i am the most beautiful man alive. women love me and my huge phallus in great demand’

Ok, so when I first saw this, I searched the term assuming it could only be song lyrics………….. it’s not. I don’t even…….I can’t understand……….

WHAT?!

 I can’t even begin to unravel this one or even comprehend what post attracted this person to my blog, so all I have to say is, yes, I am quite sure you’re huge evil reptilian willy is in great demand with the ladies /pats head and slips medication into drink 😛

Next time you check out your stats page, I dare you to search a little deeper into your search terms to see what you find. While you may come out of it a little scarred and have less understanding of the human race, but I promise it will give you a giggle 😛 Though if you decide to write a post about it like I have, be prepared to have even more weird search terms pop up over the next few weeks as a result of writing about them (I am now expecting an influx of porn/sex/phallus searches now, mother of god :P). Out of all the search terms in my list, my favourite has to be: ‘Crazy people talking about nothing’, which is stumbling across and visiting my blog for exactly the right reasons 😉

Until next time lovelies 🙂

Advertisements
 

Happy blogiversary Remain Insane! May 29, 2013

If my blog was a person, I’m pretty sure it would be pissed off at me right now or embracing its namesake, losing its shit and flinging faeces at me, as I did the worst thing you can do in a relationship with someone……. I missed our 1 year anniversary together.

Oh shit!

Oh Remain Insane, please forgive me! I still love you, we just needed some time apart to make me fall in love with you again! Don’t look at me like that, I had other things I had to do! No I didn’t cheat on you! Those other assignments for uni meant nothing to me baby, I swear, you are my one and only! Here, I’ll make it up to you, here’s a happy party cat to celebrate our anniversary with us!

Can you not see the joy radiating from him?! What about a dancing duck?!

Look, don’t be mad, I even made you a cake! And by ‘made you a cake’ I mean typed in ‘Happy Blogiversary’ into google search and copied the first picture I found 😀

Now that all is forgiven, as no one can resist a funky duck, a cute kitty AND cupcakes, Happy blogiversary Remain Insane! 😀 32 posts, 692 comments, 256 followers and 27, 488 views, it’s been one whole year since I decided I’d like to have my own little corner of the internet to upload my word vomit and share the insanity, and as it turns out, a whole lot of people are happy to remain insane with me, go team! XD

Remain Insane and I have had some good times together over the year. Like one of my very first posts about the amazing bird called Alex who could not only talk, but could actually understand what he was saying (Alex the Grey, move aside Gandalf!), or the time I very successfully scared some people off of coming to Australia (Australia – What they didn’t show you in the adverts), or my most popular post, a raging rant on why I hate people (which was just the tip of the iceberg folks 😉 ) (Dumb and Dumber) 😛 I have also received so many lovely awards and comments from so many lovely people, 2 of which I found I had waiting in my notifications today! Thankyou littlebookblog and brityell for nominating me for the Versatile Blogger and Sunshine Award!

I would like to pass these awards on to:
Freak of Fandom – an awesome blog I only just came across the other day, I have only read half a dozen of her posts but they are great, so check her out! 🙂

Throat of the World – Because I love freaking LOVE Skyrim and this blog makes my inner Dovahkiin happy 😀

and last but not least

Saving our relatives – a fairly new blog by a lovely lady who has a passion for primates, particularly Chimps 🙂 I feel you primate loving sister! 😛

You ladies definitely deserve them! You can find the pictures for the awards in my side bar over that-a-way >> 🙂

Now I’m not so good at following the rules thing, so I’ll just go ahead and answer the questions that come with them 😛

Favourite colour: Fluro green :D

Favourite animal:  Orangutans and African Grey Parrots and Kitties!

Favourite number: 83586762872084 😉

Favourite non-alcoholic drink: I know I really should say something healthy like ‘Water’, but in all seriousness I love sugar, GIVE ME VANILLA COKE! 😀

Favourite alcoholic drink: Currently Butterscotch Schnapps!

Facebook or TwitterWordPress 😉

My passions: Books, games, animals, hating people, you know, the usual 😛

Giving or receiving gifts: Giving, I love spoiling the ones I love! …….and ok I won’t lie, receiving gifts is also pretty darn dandy! 😀

Favourite city: Erm, well I don’t really want to say the capital of SA, but its the only city I know well enough, so Adelaide it is! Congrats Adelaide, you win by default! 😛

Favourite TV showsScrubs and Modern Family 🙂

It’s been a great year Remain Insane, and I promise you that the barrage of ranting and crap I upload will continue 😀 Oh, and one other thing. Don’t be mad blog, but I kiiiiiiiinda have these 3 assignments I have to do for uni, so um I kiiiiiiinda might not be paying  you as much attention for the next few days……….. we’re still good though right? RIGHT?!

I’ll take that as a no 😛

Until next time lovelies 🙂