Remain Insane

Ramblings of an animal loving, people hating, game enthusing, book nerd :D

The Return of the Ranter February 10, 2014

Filed under: The Ramblings — Gemma @ 1:52 pm
Tags: , , ,

Kinda like ‘The Return of the King’ (being the third time I have been gone for months and then returned) but with little less LOTR epicness and a little more of this juvenile crap:

😀

Remain Insane has had a facelift and a revamp, so to my old and new lovely followers, let me re-acquaint myself with you:

About the Blogger:

Gemma likes to think of herself as a witty closet journalist, so decided she would share this with the world and create a blog. The plan was to wow viewers with her well researched and thought out posts, however after recent review it has been found that actually, Gemma just spew’s forth a whole load of verbal diarrhoea along with gifs and cat memes in an attempt to provide ‘LOLZ’. She entertained the idea of perhaps changing her blog content to something a little more sophisticated, but then got distracted by a video of dog dancing to ‘Shake That’, and hence has continued to fill her blog with her raving. And cats. She will occasionally talk about something serious here and there, but will mostly crap on like a lunatic.

Gemma amazingly managed to drag herself through 4 years of uni in an Animal Behaviour degree, and is now waiting on her official piece of paper so she can start regularly using the phrase ‘Trust me, I’m a scientist’. At 16, she managed to snag the best ‘first job’ ever and started working in an Aussie wildlife park, cuddling koalas, wrestling crocodiles and taming snakes, which she thought was pretty awesome. From this, she decided she would like to spend her life working towards animal care and conservation. She currently volunteers at a zoo making animal toys, and talks about her most favourite and loved animal; orangutans, every chance she gets. It must also be noted that Gemma has realised that she hates people, a lot. She likes to claim she isn’t antisocial, she just thinks people are stupid. Being an old fashioned nancy, one of Gemma’s favourite things is to rant about people who she secretly suspects to have an IQ of single digits.

– Additional useless details –

Video games and books are the best. Gemma has a cat called Jasper who acts like a dog. All things nerdy are absolutely wonderful. Big Bang Theory and Scrubs is the shit, full stop no returns. If you don’t think the Lion King is THE BEST DISNEY MOVIE EVER, don’t discuss this with Gemma, as she will become unnecessarily aggravated and violent. Gemma also apparently likes to talk about herself in third person.

After spending the past 6 months having to write 3000 word essays galore, I was unsure if I would ever log back in to WordPress. After whinging and whining about having to write so much for Uni, I have been 110% unmotivated to spend my spare time at the computer doing more typing, so accepted that my blog may lie dormant forevermore. But no sooner than my last assignment left my hands, my urge to blog came back. And hence, here I am, ready to fill your feeds with ranting and rambling again 😀

Just thought I’d give you all a heads up 😉

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Mounted cat heads, hyney’s and animal penises – The strange people who stumbled across my blog with strange Google searches July 31, 2013

As bloggers, there is nothing we like better than to visually see the virtual love our little internet space is accumulating in the form of followers, likes, comments, and more importantly, the amount of views shown on our stats pages. Whether it be 30, 300, or even 3000 views, seeing that little bar graph grow and expand is a way to let us know people have stopped by, visited our page and read our awesome blogs. On the surface, these stats and views look pretty as a picture and always give a much needed confidence boost that fellow bloggers like your stuff. After a while however, you will notice that it is not just other bloggers that are coming across your page, but also random people that have entered particular terms into a search engine, and lo’ and behold, your blog has popped up! At some point, you will become curious as to exactly what words and phrases are leading people to your blog, and will delve into the ‘Search Engine Terms’ to find out. I did as such, expecting to see a normal bunch of search terms and be able to place what searches had lead to what post. Boy was I wrong! Turns out, a lot of people have come across my blog searching for a bunch of very fucked up *ahem* strange things, in which my blog would have no doubt left them sorely disappointed 😛 So without further ado, here are some of the weirdest people with the weirdest Google searches to ever grace my blog!

Brace yourselves people, we are entering the underbelly of the ‘Search engine terms’ 😛

‘Cockroach shit’

Really? Cockroach shit? I’m always one for weird animal facts, but come on, there has to be something a bit more interesting to spend your time googling, like cat memes! 😀

‘Mounted Cat Heads’

WHAT?! WHY WOULD EVEN WANT THAT?! CAT’S ARE FOR GIGGLES AND CUDDLES, NOT TO MOUNT ON YOUR WALL! YOU GET OFF MY BLOG, AND YOU GET OFF IT NOW!

‘Hyena penis’, ‘Lion Penis’, ‘Baby Orangutan Penis’, ‘Animal penises’.

Wow people of the internet, you really like your animal penises! Sorry folks, though I have (in my ‘Useless Animal Facts’) mentioned a female hyena’s pseudo-penis and a lion’s scary spiked ding-a-ling, I don’t actually provide a whole A-Z of animal shlongs!

‘Hyney’

I seriously hope you are an atrocious speller and were searching for ‘Hyena’, because there are certainly no hyney’s on this blog! Sorry to disappoint, maybe if you get straight to point and search the terms ‘butt’ or ‘bum’ you’ll find what you’re after? 😛

‘Carly Rae Jepsen butt’

Oh, well in that case……. no, there are still no butt cheeks or cracks to be seen here. Go away!

‘Nude pics from warm summer rain’

What?! What have I just been saying?! How did you even get here?! Oh wait, I know, it was when I said one of my favourite things was summer rain wasn’t it? Sorry to get your hopes up, all you would have found would have been a picture of rain, not very good masturbatory material! Here, let me make it up to you, here is a photo of a wet pussy!

Come on really, what else did you expect? ;P

‘Sailor Moon sex’

So after just specifically specifying I have no buttock’s or nude pictures, you think I’ll have hentai on here too?! SAILOR MOON IS A CHILDHOOD FAVOURITE OF MINE, GET LOST YOU HOBO!

‘Skinny teen anal’

NO NO AND NO! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? HAVE YOU HEARD OF A THING CALLED PORN? GO USE IT!

‘I am the reptilian satan still i am the most beautiful man alive. women love me and my huge phallus in great demand’

Ok, so when I first saw this, I searched the term assuming it could only be song lyrics………….. it’s not. I don’t even…….I can’t understand……….

WHAT?!

 I can’t even begin to unravel this one or even comprehend what post attracted this person to my blog, so all I have to say is, yes, I am quite sure you’re huge evil reptilian willy is in great demand with the ladies /pats head and slips medication into drink 😛

Next time you check out your stats page, I dare you to search a little deeper into your search terms to see what you find. While you may come out of it a little scarred and have less understanding of the human race, but I promise it will give you a giggle 😛 Though if you decide to write a post about it like I have, be prepared to have even more weird search terms pop up over the next few weeks as a result of writing about them (I am now expecting an influx of porn/sex/phallus searches now, mother of god :P). Out of all the search terms in my list, my favourite has to be: ‘Crazy people talking about nothing’, which is stumbling across and visiting my blog for exactly the right reasons 😉

Until next time lovelies 🙂

 

Mid-year resolutions, because where the heck did New Years go?! July 17, 2013

So apparently it is already July, which I find highly doubtful, seriously, you’re all just joking right?! Coming to terms with this whole ‘we are already half way through the year’ business is throwing me for a sixer, considering I don’t even know where the heck the past six months has gone! What is even more scary about this way-mark is that it signifies I only have another 6 months left of my university degree. 6 months until the freedom I have desired for the past 3 and a half years. 6 months until I finally get that little printed sheet of paper declaring to the world that I am a scientist and qualified in Animal Behaviour. 6 months until I am no longer a student and have to face the ‘real world’, and even worse, pay full price for everything…. eeep! 😛 4 years of what has been a huge part of my life if coming to a close, and in a way, it makes me a little sad, but has also inspired me to make some resolutions for myself (that I failed to make on New Years because I can’t even remember it coming and going!) that I am determined to follow in order to make the rest of this year worth my while, while at the same time, working towards a better and happier me 🙂

I, creator of Remain Insane, Gemma [insert embarrassing last name here], declare that:

1) I will blog about the things that I wish to blog about without fear of judgement, and as a result, will post every fortnight

The biggest problem I have had with blogging for the past 8 months is my constant fear of judgement. I have always been told I have a way with my writing and the way I word things makes for a hilarious read, and after seeing all of my lovely followers responses to my ‘funny’ entries, it has become something I pride myself on. Personally, if I can’t make people laugh, I feel as if I am failing as a human being 😛 As a result I have let the ranting and creative side of me flourish, received so much positive feedback and loved writing each and every post. But on the other side of it, I have also made myself afraid to blog about other things, things that are a little more serious but mean a lot to me, in fear that I will disappoint and lose followers left, right and centre. It has been over a whole year since I started this blog, and I am yet to even write one of the first posts I had ever planned to about my beloved orang-utans. Letting one side of you flourish while repressing the other works out ok to begin with, but after a while you begin to feel it through your own writing, and for me, this has come in the form of I want to talk about something serious, feel as if I can’t, try and force myself to be entertaining even when I’m not feeling it, which then just ends with a temper tantrum as well as a shit tonne of posts getting deleted and never making it on to my actual blog. It has reached the point now even ranting Gemma just ain’t showing up when I demand her to, because serious Gemma wants to have some viewing time. So, I am going to let her. Never fear, I am not going to go manic depressive on you and fill your newsfeeds with what can be compared to a 12-year-old going through a break-up on Facebook 😛 Simply, I am no longer going to be afraid to write about the things that mean a lot to me like animal welfare and conservation. My blog’s content is not going to change and a whole load of snort-worthy ranting will continue to ensue, the only change will be you should be seeing a lot more of me and my posts 🙂 At the end of the day, you have to blog for you 🙂

2) I will stop being so harsh on my body and expect too much of it in too little time

For a long time now, I have wanted to partake in regular exercise to tone up a little bit of excess fat here and there. Problem is, I expect too much of myself in a small amount of time. I am that person who will do 300 sit-ups and then whine at my belly ‘WHY AREN’T YOU FLAT YET!’ the very next day. Then, because I can’t see results, I give up and do nothing. Then rinse and repeat. This is completely unfair on my poor body, and I think it knows this too, as more often than not it’ll make me bloat like crazy the day after a workout just to spite me 😛 No more! I have made myself a 30 day workout plan, and I WILL stick to it. Currently on day two, and the familiar aching in my muscles is letting me know I have planned a doozy of a month for myself, but I am hoping it’ll be worth it. And in order to visibly show myself that change IS possible when I give myself the chance, I have taken a Day 1 photo and at the end of the month will compare it to a Day 30 photo. Alongside this exercise I am also going to make sure I eat healthier. My main issue is snacking, so I am going to try and eat 3 set meals a day while only having a few snacks here and there. In saying that though, I will treat myself with chocolate if the opportunity  arises 😉 During this month I vow not to try and look for instant results, however I do give myself permission to whinge if I stick to my plan and Day 1 and Day 30 end up looking the same 😛

3) I will be more positive, face the world with a smile and choose to be happy

 As of late I have come across a truly inspirational girl (will go into more detail later, she seriously just deserves a blog post of her own to do her justice), and she is one of the happiest most endearing souls you will ever come across. Her positive mindset, the love she has for herself as a person and the fact that she is only 16 years old but is helping heal 1000’s of young girls body confidence and teaching them to learn to love who they are is absolutely amazing. It is because of this girl I have decided to alter my attitude towards myself and life in general. Some people would look on what I have said as an odd choice of words: ‘choose to be happy’. But the more I practice this the more I find it is true. A saying I came across a while ago has really stuck with me: ‘Life is 10% what happens to you, and 90% on how you react to it’. This, coupled with another quote from said wonderful human being above: ‘My life is my creation’, are already beginning to help me learn to love myself more and see what an impact your mindset has on your lifestyle. In every situation you have a choice on how you react to it. Even in a bad situation you can choose to let it hurt you long after it has happened, or you can choose to accept it happened and allow yourself to become a better more knowledgeable person because of it. Seriously, this will have a post of its own later 🙂

4) I will make every day count and live in the present

Being July already has made me realise how fast life goes, and I don’t want to miss a moment of it. Some days I feel like I have not achieved anything and wasted them either upset about the past or worrying about the future, or simply, by doing absolutely nothing. When in reality, you don’t have to go sky diving or do something extravagant every day of your life to make them worthwhile. I want to make sure every day means something to me. I will appreciate the little things more, like the cute look on my cats face when he stretches, or my boyfriend giving me a tender kiss on the forehead. Going on day trips, planning interstate or overseas trips, starting a new book, playing an hour of my favourite video game, blogging, catching up with a friend, cuddling on the couch with Steven watching a movie, every day is precious, and the things in my life are precious, and I want to appreciate them the amount that they deserve.

5) I will enjoy my last 6 months of study

I breathe books, live for video gaming, and to add to my already apparent ‘nerd’ status, I love science. While I’ve bitched and whinged about my study for the past 3 years, when it comes down to it, I have really enjoyed it. I adore biology and the secrets it uncovers about the process of evolution and behaviour. I love the fact that I can not just watch animal documentaries, but understand them on a new intellectual level. I even further love the fact I understand what has now become my absolute favourite pick-up line: ‘If I were an enzyme I’d be DNA helicase so I could unzip your genes!’, and can spend hours of my spare time giggling over lame chemistry jokes such as ‘Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Batman!’. With my study coming to a close, I feel a little sad that this intellectual journey is almost over, so I will appreciate it for all it is worth, 9am – 5pm laboratory practicals and all 😉 But I will not let this be the end of my learning, and will continue to expand my knowledge on biology for the rest of my life. I appreciate the passion for learning that my course has given me, and I will continue to do it justice long after I receive my Bachelor of Science 🙂

Lets face it, New Years resolutions never seem to work out anyway, as usually we make them spur of the moment to ensure we have plans for the new year. So here’s hoping that my mid-year resolutions are going to much more effective and successful, seeing as I have had a whole 6 months to think about them 😉

Until next time lovelies 🙂

 

Happy blogiversary Remain Insane! May 29, 2013

If my blog was a person, I’m pretty sure it would be pissed off at me right now or embracing its namesake, losing its shit and flinging faeces at me, as I did the worst thing you can do in a relationship with someone……. I missed our 1 year anniversary together.

Oh shit!

Oh Remain Insane, please forgive me! I still love you, we just needed some time apart to make me fall in love with you again! Don’t look at me like that, I had other things I had to do! No I didn’t cheat on you! Those other assignments for uni meant nothing to me baby, I swear, you are my one and only! Here, I’ll make it up to you, here’s a happy party cat to celebrate our anniversary with us!

Can you not see the joy radiating from him?! What about a dancing duck?!

Look, don’t be mad, I even made you a cake! And by ‘made you a cake’ I mean typed in ‘Happy Blogiversary’ into google search and copied the first picture I found 😀

Now that all is forgiven, as no one can resist a funky duck, a cute kitty AND cupcakes, Happy blogiversary Remain Insane! 😀 32 posts, 692 comments, 256 followers and 27, 488 views, it’s been one whole year since I decided I’d like to have my own little corner of the internet to upload my word vomit and share the insanity, and as it turns out, a whole lot of people are happy to remain insane with me, go team! XD

Remain Insane and I have had some good times together over the year. Like one of my very first posts about the amazing bird called Alex who could not only talk, but could actually understand what he was saying (Alex the Grey, move aside Gandalf!), or the time I very successfully scared some people off of coming to Australia (Australia – What they didn’t show you in the adverts), or my most popular post, a raging rant on why I hate people (which was just the tip of the iceberg folks 😉 ) (Dumb and Dumber) 😛 I have also received so many lovely awards and comments from so many lovely people, 2 of which I found I had waiting in my notifications today! Thankyou littlebookblog and brityell for nominating me for the Versatile Blogger and Sunshine Award!

I would like to pass these awards on to:
Freak of Fandom – an awesome blog I only just came across the other day, I have only read half a dozen of her posts but they are great, so check her out! 🙂

Throat of the World – Because I love freaking LOVE Skyrim and this blog makes my inner Dovahkiin happy 😀

and last but not least

Saving our relatives – a fairly new blog by a lovely lady who has a passion for primates, particularly Chimps 🙂 I feel you primate loving sister! 😛

You ladies definitely deserve them! You can find the pictures for the awards in my side bar over that-a-way >> 🙂

Now I’m not so good at following the rules thing, so I’ll just go ahead and answer the questions that come with them 😛

Favourite colour: Fluro green :D

Favourite animal:  Orangutans and African Grey Parrots and Kitties!

Favourite number: 83586762872084 😉

Favourite non-alcoholic drink: I know I really should say something healthy like ‘Water’, but in all seriousness I love sugar, GIVE ME VANILLA COKE! 😀

Favourite alcoholic drink: Currently Butterscotch Schnapps!

Facebook or TwitterWordPress 😉

My passions: Books, games, animals, hating people, you know, the usual 😛

Giving or receiving gifts: Giving, I love spoiling the ones I love! …….and ok I won’t lie, receiving gifts is also pretty darn dandy! 😀

Favourite city: Erm, well I don’t really want to say the capital of SA, but its the only city I know well enough, so Adelaide it is! Congrats Adelaide, you win by default! 😛

Favourite TV showsScrubs and Modern Family 🙂

It’s been a great year Remain Insane, and I promise you that the barrage of ranting and crap I upload will continue 😀 Oh, and one other thing. Don’t be mad blog, but I kiiiiiiiinda have these 3 assignments I have to do for uni, so um I kiiiiiiinda might not be paying  you as much attention for the next few days……….. we’re still good though right? RIGHT?!

I’ll take that as a no 😛

Until next time lovelies 🙂

 

A Lovely Suprise! June 9, 2012

Filed under: The Ramblings — Gemma @ 11:39 am
Tags: , , , , ,

So yesterday I woke up to the wonderful surprise of finding that one of my lovely followers had bestowed me with the ‘One Lovely Blog’ Award, which absolutely made my day! 🙂 I have been blogging for about 2 1/2 months now, and I never expected such a lovely gesture from someone so quickly or to have so many wonderful readers!

With receiving this award, there is a few rules to follow:

1) Thank the person who nominated you and link them in your post.

2) Share seven possibly unknown things about yourself.

3) Nominate 15 or so bloggers that you admire

4) Link them and notify them to congratulate them!

So firstly a big thanks to the lovely lots ’bout nothin (a blog full of wonderful reviews, funny rants and daily musings :)) for sending me this award, I am glad you too were nominated for the ‘One Lovely Blog’, you definitely deserve it! Your posts are always very entertaining to read and I really enjoy chatting to you 🙂

Secondly, seven unknown facts about me:

1) I love Elvis Presley. Honestly, you can’t listen to his songs without wanting to dance around and sing along 😀

2) I attended one of the most feral schools in South Australia. And the sad thing is, I’m not even joking! It was ranked the third worst school in SA due to weekly punch ups, bad grades and feral students. It is actually a miracle and a half that I came out of there normal 😛

3) I am absolutely fascinated with old Egyptian history, the good, the bad and even the ugly. I have probably done about 8 projects on it throughout my schooling life. Did you know that before they mummified someone, they would pull out the deceased persons brains through their nose by shoving a great big hook up their nostril? Well, now you do . . .  gross right? 😀

4) I used to go for Port Adelaide Power in the AFL. OH THE SHAME! D: Needless to say I was not a very loyal supporter . . . Richmond Tigers FTW! 😀

5) One of the most significant pets I have owned throughout my lifetime was a beautiful cat named Foster. I will never forget my pudgey little cat that held me up and kept me going through the worst times of my life. My life was blessed to be touched by such a wonderful little soul ❤ 🙂

6) My two greatest fears are spiders and small spaces. Put both together and you will have a very very unhappy Gemma 🙂

7) You know those awesome dreams people talk about where they can fly? Yeah, I never have those. I either have wings or the ability to fly, but when I try to fly I can’t ever actually get off the ground! Stupid sadistic brain! 😛

And thirdly, the great bloggers that I am excited to present this award to! 😀

1. Sezpets

A great blog for all you pet lovers out there! From Onslow the Newfoundland to Harry and Oscar the Eclectus parrots, Sarah blogs about the daily life of her wonderful pet family! Which I am hoping to meet one day as Sarah and I volunteer at Adelaide Zoo and study Animal Behaviour together at Uni 🙂

2. Bassa’s Blog

The refreshing musings of a gorgeous Caucasian Shepard dog and her life with the tall person and her pet cat Barnaby 🙂

3. Blogs-Of-A-Bookaholic

Book nerds, heed this call! A great blog about everything books and some wonderful personal posts from the author! Plus she is absolutely lovely 🙂

4. Puella cum Cultello

I absolutely love this blog! Ever since becoming obsessed with Scrubs, the notion of what it is really like for doctors and surgeons in hospitals has intrigued me. A surgeon in training describing what it is really like working in a job that can present heartwarming to heartbreaking cases within a few hours of each other.

5. planettwentytwo

All sorts of fun bits and pieces that always make for a great read 🙂

6. Brown Eyes and Green Bees

As described on her blog, ‘The ramblings, musings and rants of B’, an intriguing blog with great personal posts, and yet another lovely lady that I enjoy chatting to 🙂

7. Cuter Than E.coli

Awesome geeky fun!

8. Rambling Thoughts Of A Bored Soul

A wonderful blog whose musings make you really think about the world 🙂

Simply, all of these blogs are fantastic 🙂 Thankyou all for being so awesome 😀

Now to return to the joy that is studying (I can’t wait for these damn exams to be over!), stay tuned for more procrastinatory posts 😀

 

In the merry month of May! May 10, 2012

Today my blog is one month old, hip hip hooray! 😀

 When I first started, I thought by now I might have one or two people interested in reading what I have to write, and maybe 100 views or so. A whopping 56 followers and 800 views later, I am amazed! I never thought that my little corner of the internet would gather so much interest so quickly! So this is just a post to say thankyou so much to all of those people who have checked out my blog and subscribed! ^_^ All of your lovely comments have continued to put a smile on my face each day, and I have loved talking to every single one of you! Thankyou for making my so far short-lived blogging experience so enjoyable, and I hope to be getting to know you all better over the course of this blog 🙂

As for getting inside this crazy person’s head, here is some more completely useless facts about myself:

1) I absolutely love lame jokes. My favourites are:

‘What’s the hurry? We’d love you to stick around for dinner.’

 Yeah. We could have whatever’s “lion” around!’

 ‘Oh wait, wait, wait. I got one, I got one. Make mine a “cub” sandwich!’ (From the Lion King :D)

and

If I love anything more than lame jokes, it’s lame Chemistry jokes 😀

2) I solely go for my football team Richmond Tigers in AFL because of how awesome their club song is. I mean listen to it!

3) I like chicken salt on my fish. I know, even I think its weird. Weird . . . . . and tasty 😀

4) I have recently re-kindled my love affair with anime. I loved it when I was a kid, and now 10+ years later, I suddenly have the overwhelming urge to watch Pokemon, Sailor Moon, Digimon, One Piece and Dragonball Z. This is largely due to the discovery of an anime shop that sells every possible type of anime merchandise a geek could hope for, lots of which I am seriously considering buying 😀

5) I worked at a wildlife park for almost 4 years. It has been my first and only job (talk about a lucky teenager!) It was an amazing place filled with wonderful animals that I grew strong attachments too, and I had so many unforgettable experiences there. Holding and catching baby saltwater crocodiles and huge pythons everyday, playing chasey with a sweet but stubborn donkey, cuddling koalas and forming close bonds with two wonderful affectionate Black Cockatoos and a beautiful kangaroo are just some of the many things that I will never forget. Sadly, the place closed down due to a fire in the lower area of the park, where some of our birds, such as our Boobook Owls and gorgeous Barking Owl died, and the owners were not willing to rebuild. The remaining animals have now been housed all around South Australia and Victoria, and I miss them dearly. Hopefully one day I will be able to travel and see some of them again, as they will always hold a special place in my heart!

My beautiful Bobbi!

Best lunch breaks ever!

And lastly 6) I love the 50’s. I honestly sometimes wish I was born back then. The music! The fashion! The grease monkeys! The chivalry! Give me an old school 50’s diner playing Elvis and I’ll be there in a flash, Poodle Skirt, lame dance moves and all 😀

I’d just like to thank you all again for being so lovely and for reading my posts! 🙂 And as for my ranting. . . .

. . . . I plan to continue 😀