Remain Insane

Ramblings of an animal loving, people hating, game enthusing, book nerd :D

The customer is always right. March 24, 2013

And if by ‘customer’ you mean ‘spawn of Satan’, and by ‘right’ you mean ‘incurably stupid’, then yes, the ‘customer’ is ALWAYS ‘right’ ūüôā

Ah people, the worst part of everyone’s day! No matter what department you work in or career you have chosen, I think we all dread the moment¬†we have to open up shop and let the mindless hordes into our workplace.

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In terms of customers, my first job at a wildlife park was great. Being a keeper, you don’t have to give¬†a flying dog crap about the customers, you are there for the animals! Sure, you get some pretty idiotic questions, but at the end of the day, as long as the animals are taken care of, your job is done. My new job however, may be at a pet store with cute fluffy baby animals, but is (shudder) a customer service job. I have been at said job now for 6 months now…… and lets just say I wish my workplace had this policy:

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After having what may possibly be the most stupid conversation with a customer¬†in my life the other day, I thought I would share some of my most stupid customer questions/stories that have personally happened to me or have been told to me by my lovely boyfriend Steven who knows the ins and outs of idiocy that is displayed at a grocery store. I mean, what good are these stupid experiences if they can’t at least be used for a laugh right? ūüėõ

Customers in a wildlife park

Customer 1 –¬†when conducting a show where customers may hold a baby crocodile:

Why is there tape on the crocodiles mouth? – said the lady who had just watched me catch the croc while it was trying to bite my fingers

Customer¬†2 –¬†upon seeing the baby crocodile:

Oh, can I hold the big one instead? /points to the three metre croc that could, oh I don’t know, MAYBE RIP HIS F*CKING LEG OFF?!

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Customer 3:

Do you ever like put the crocodiles in harnesses and take them for walks?

Customer 4:

Can I ride the donkey? – Said the fully grown adult twice the size of the donkey

Customer 5:

Can I ride a kangaroo? – Said the American woman who clearly took our ‘We ride kangaroos to school’ joke a little too seriously

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Customer 6:

Excuse me, do you work here? РAsked the woman while I was in the buffalo enclosure up to my elbows in animal shit

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No lady, I don’t work here, I’m just doing this for shits and giggles.

Customers in a Grocery store

Customer 7 Р taking her purchases through the checkout at about 7pm:

Worker: Have a good day!

Customer: /walks off and then goes up to the service desk

I’d like to make a complaint!

Manager: And what was that?

Customer: That girl over there¬†told me to¬†‘Have a good day’, when it’s actually¬†night-time.

Customer 8 Р looking for an item:

Customer: Excuse me, do you have Susan Day Fairy Cakes?

Steven: No, we haven’t been able to get them in for a while now sorry.

Customer: That’s bullshit! The people who do the orders need a f*cking¬†bomb shoved up their ass!

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Customers in a Pet Store

Customer¬†9 –¬†interested in buying a dog:

Um, so, like what do dogs eat? РSaid the guy who I really hope was trolling

Customer 10 Рwanting to buy a rat:

Co-worker: Okay dokey, so do you have food for him?

Customer: No, I’ll buy that next week.

Co-worker: Oh….. but you want the rat now?

Customer: Yes.

Co-worker: So what do you plan on feeding him with for the next week?

Customer: He’ll be ok without it for a week won’t he?

Customer’s¬†11 and 12 –¬†There was a sign at the front of the store on a puppy pen saying ‘Guinea Pigs: now only $10!’ In said puppy pen was a Border Collie puppy:

Customer 11: Oh my gosh, look at that giant guinea pig!

Customer 12: Excuse me, can we please buy the $10 dog?

Customer¬†13 –¬†interested in buying a puppy:¬†

Can I put that dog on layby for a month? – Asked the man who didn’t seem to understand that puppies grow

Customer 14 –¬†paying for her purchases:

Co-worker: That’ll be $135 thankyou.

Customer: /takes money out of her wallet, hands it over to co-worker

Co-worker: You need twelve more dollars.

Customer: What does that mean?

Co-worker: You need $12 more.

Customer: I don’t understand, I didn’t go to school to learn this shit! – Exclaimed the woman who is not known¬†for her brainage

Customer 15 –¬†asking for dog medical advice:

Customer: Hi, my dog is throwing up and dehydrated, do have anything I can give it?

Me: Um, I think you should be taking your dog to the vet immediately.

Customer: Oh, why?!

Customer 16:

Customer: How much are your puppies?

Me: Which one? (we have 9 different puppy pens)

Customer: That one. (gestures to the right that has 4 puppy pens)

Me: Which one over there?

Customer: That one! (waves his hand again in the general direction to the right)

Me: Top or bottom?

Customer: Bottom I think.

Me: Left or right?

Customer: Left, I mean right…. your right?

Me: Do you know its name?

Customer: Yeah, the staffy pups, on the top right!

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Because saying ‘the Staffy pups’ to begin with was¬†super hard hey?

Customer 17 – asking prices about dogs and the man who inspired this post¬†¬†–

Customer: Excuse me, how much is this dog?

Me: Three hundred and ninety five dollars.

Customer: Ok, how much is this one compared to that one?

Me: Both are three hundred and ninety five dollars.

Customer: So you mean I could get both dogs for only $395?!

Me: /sigh No, they are three ninety five EACH.

Customer: Wait, so each dog is only $3.95 each?!

Me: …………….. No, they are THREE HUNDRED AND NINETY FIVE DOLLARS EACH.

Customer: But you said they were three ninety five each?

Me: Yes, meaning EACH dog ON ITS OWN is $395.

Customer: Wait, so its $395 for one dog, not both?

Me: YES.

Customer: And they are $395, not $3.95?

Me: YES.

Customer: So I can’t get two dogs for $395?

Me: NO.

Customer: Oooooooooooh! Wait I’m still confused!

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¬†Humans: we’re certainly¬†bred for our intelligence right? ūüėČ

Until next time my lovely readers,

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