Remain Insane

Ramblings of an animal loving, people hating, game enthusing, book nerd :D

Mounted cat heads, hyney’s and animal penises – The strange people who stumbled across my blog with strange Google searches July 31, 2013

As bloggers, there is nothing we like better than to visually see the virtual love our little internet space is accumulating in the form of followers, likes, comments, and more importantly, the amount of views shown on our stats pages. Whether it be 30, 300, or even 3000 views, seeing that little bar graph grow and expand is a way to let us know people have stopped by, visited our page and read our awesome blogs. On the surface, these stats and views look pretty as a picture and always give a much needed confidence boost that fellow bloggers like your stuff. After a while however, you will notice that it is not just other bloggers that are coming across your page, but also random people that have entered particular terms into a search engine, and lo’ and behold, your blog has popped up! At some point, you will become curious as to exactly what words and phrases are leading people to your blog, and will delve into the ‘Search Engine Terms’ to find out. I did as such, expecting to see a normal bunch of search terms and be able to place what searches had lead to what post. Boy was I wrong! Turns out, a lot of people have come across my blog searching for a bunch of very fucked up *ahem* strange things, in which my blog would have no doubt left them sorely disappointed 😛 So without further ado, here are some of the weirdest people with the weirdest Google searches to ever grace my blog!

Brace yourselves people, we are entering the underbelly of the ‘Search engine terms’ 😛

‘Cockroach shit’

Really? Cockroach shit? I’m always one for weird animal facts, but come on, there has to be something a bit more interesting to spend your time googling, like cat memes! 😀

‘Mounted Cat Heads’

WHAT?! WHY WOULD EVEN WANT THAT?! CAT’S ARE FOR GIGGLES AND CUDDLES, NOT TO MOUNT ON YOUR WALL! YOU GET OFF MY BLOG, AND YOU GET OFF IT NOW!

‘Hyena penis’, ‘Lion Penis’, ‘Baby Orangutan Penis’, ‘Animal penises’.

Wow people of the internet, you really like your animal penises! Sorry folks, though I have (in my ‘Useless Animal Facts’) mentioned a female hyena’s pseudo-penis and a lion’s scary spiked ding-a-ling, I don’t actually provide a whole A-Z of animal shlongs!

‘Hyney’

I seriously hope you are an atrocious speller and were searching for ‘Hyena’, because there are certainly no hyney’s on this blog! Sorry to disappoint, maybe if you get straight to point and search the terms ‘butt’ or ‘bum’ you’ll find what you’re after? 😛

‘Carly Rae Jepsen butt’

Oh, well in that case……. no, there are still no butt cheeks or cracks to be seen here. Go away!

‘Nude pics from warm summer rain’

What?! What have I just been saying?! How did you even get here?! Oh wait, I know, it was when I said one of my favourite things was summer rain wasn’t it? Sorry to get your hopes up, all you would have found would have been a picture of rain, not very good masturbatory material! Here, let me make it up to you, here is a photo of a wet pussy!

Come on really, what else did you expect? ;P

‘Sailor Moon sex’

So after just specifically specifying I have no buttock’s or nude pictures, you think I’ll have hentai on here too?! SAILOR MOON IS A CHILDHOOD FAVOURITE OF MINE, GET LOST YOU HOBO!

‘Skinny teen anal’

NO NO AND NO! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? HAVE YOU HEARD OF A THING CALLED PORN? GO USE IT!

‘I am the reptilian satan still i am the most beautiful man alive. women love me and my huge phallus in great demand’

Ok, so when I first saw this, I searched the term assuming it could only be song lyrics………….. it’s not. I don’t even…….I can’t understand……….

WHAT?!

 I can’t even begin to unravel this one or even comprehend what post attracted this person to my blog, so all I have to say is, yes, I am quite sure you’re huge evil reptilian willy is in great demand with the ladies /pats head and slips medication into drink 😛

Next time you check out your stats page, I dare you to search a little deeper into your search terms to see what you find. While you may come out of it a little scarred and have less understanding of the human race, but I promise it will give you a giggle 😛 Though if you decide to write a post about it like I have, be prepared to have even more weird search terms pop up over the next few weeks as a result of writing about them (I am now expecting an influx of porn/sex/phallus searches now, mother of god :P). Out of all the search terms in my list, my favourite has to be: ‘Crazy people talking about nothing’, which is stumbling across and visiting my blog for exactly the right reasons 😉

Until next time lovelies 🙂

 

Hey Mr. Grumpy Gills! June 5, 2013

It can begin with something as little as having to go to work or school. Maybe some asshole customer was rude to you, or you stubbed your toe. Sometimes it begins with simply just having to get out of bed. It doesn’t matter what mood you’re in either – be it happy, sad, chilled out –  all it takes is for a single event to occur or word to be said and suddenly……..

A bad mood, the grumbles, or a severe case of the crankies strikes! In one swift stroke, you have been transformed from a calm and normal human that is able to handle irritating situations into someone who has the capability to break into a rage over everything and anything!

No….. paper…… towels?!

These seedy little bastards like to crop up and turn you into a raging hulk at any given opportunity, lurking behind every human interaction or dropped pencil. And what’s worse, once you have caught a case of the crankies, it is near impossible to get out of it! I hear you say ‘But Gemma, a smile and a positive attitude will fix that grumpy mood!’. This is easier said than done, and can sometimes put you even more on edge. If you look anything like me when I try to smile while furious, I recommend to just keep the ‘I’m angry’ face. You might look like a grump, but you will be less likely to make small children cry.

Once a bad mood has wormed its way into our day, you either try and get rid of that bitch quick, or be doomed to experience what shall be dubbed as ‘The Three Stages of Anger’. Each is a different phase of severity, but if you do not break a bad mood fast these naturally occurring stages will help shit hit the fan (figuratively or literally, depending on level of sanity retained while raging) in no time!

Stage 1: Annoyance and Denial

Stage 1 usually begins with something small, maybe someone has just told you the ending to a movie you were really looking forward to see, or maybe you happened to pick the one trolley that screeches like a banshee so people stare at you while you do your shopping.

Usually this stage will happen early on in your day, and is often the beginning of a cascade of irritating situations. You are peeved off and annoyed, but still have enough sense to realise how strange it would look to have a temper tantrum over something so small, so you exercise your self control and attempt to act as if nothing has happened. You try to convince yourself that it didn’t bother you and that it would be silly to get angry over something little…… but you can’t help but feeling a little bit pissy.

Stage 2: Frustration and Contemplation

The beginning of Stage 2 is often triggered by a series of unfortunate events after the initial cause of Stage 1, where each successive event has felt just that little bit more dramatic and anger worthy. You have now surpassed the level of self control you still held in Stage 1, and are now prone to random outbursts of rage at any given moment.

image

By this point you have given up on denial and have accepted the fact that you are in a bad mood and begin to hate everything. Rather than trying to pretend these things aren’t bothering you, you begin to contemplate and fantasize about exactly how much you could get away with, like: ‘I wonder how that person would react if I were to sock them in the face?’ or ‘How many items could I throw off of this shelf before security tackles me?’

 Stage 3: Infuriation and Destruction

The onslaught of this final stage usually begins the same way Stage 1 does, with something so completely and insignificantly small it usually would not even warrant a mild swear. But by this point, you no longer recognise this nor care. With all inhibitions and self control thrown to the wind, your simmering bad mood is just waiting for an excuse to boil over. And when Stage 3 hits, a simple every-day interaction with someone can result in, what looks like from an outsiders perspective, a completely unjustified bat-shit crazy reaction.

‘Hi, how are you?’

image

After this stage it is usually best to go home and lie low for a while, as you have probably been labelled as a public menace with anger management issues 😛

While some people try smiling their way through a bad mood or forcing themselves out of it, there is only one holdfast solution to get rid of a grumpy mood once and for all:

Watch Finding Nemo 😉

Until next time lovelies 🙂

 

Happy blogiversary Remain Insane! May 29, 2013

If my blog was a person, I’m pretty sure it would be pissed off at me right now or embracing its namesake, losing its shit and flinging faeces at me, as I did the worst thing you can do in a relationship with someone……. I missed our 1 year anniversary together.

Oh shit!

Oh Remain Insane, please forgive me! I still love you, we just needed some time apart to make me fall in love with you again! Don’t look at me like that, I had other things I had to do! No I didn’t cheat on you! Those other assignments for uni meant nothing to me baby, I swear, you are my one and only! Here, I’ll make it up to you, here’s a happy party cat to celebrate our anniversary with us!

Can you not see the joy radiating from him?! What about a dancing duck?!

Look, don’t be mad, I even made you a cake! And by ‘made you a cake’ I mean typed in ‘Happy Blogiversary’ into google search and copied the first picture I found 😀

Now that all is forgiven, as no one can resist a funky duck, a cute kitty AND cupcakes, Happy blogiversary Remain Insane! 😀 32 posts, 692 comments, 256 followers and 27, 488 views, it’s been one whole year since I decided I’d like to have my own little corner of the internet to upload my word vomit and share the insanity, and as it turns out, a whole lot of people are happy to remain insane with me, go team! 😄

Remain Insane and I have had some good times together over the year. Like one of my very first posts about the amazing bird called Alex who could not only talk, but could actually understand what he was saying (Alex the Grey, move aside Gandalf!), or the time I very successfully scared some people off of coming to Australia (Australia – What they didn’t show you in the adverts), or my most popular post, a raging rant on why I hate people (which was just the tip of the iceberg folks 😉 ) (Dumb and Dumber) 😛 I have also received so many lovely awards and comments from so many lovely people, 2 of which I found I had waiting in my notifications today! Thankyou littlebookblog and brityell for nominating me for the Versatile Blogger and Sunshine Award!

I would like to pass these awards on to:
Freak of Fandom – an awesome blog I only just came across the other day, I have only read half a dozen of her posts but they are great, so check her out! 🙂

Throat of the World – Because I love freaking LOVE Skyrim and this blog makes my inner Dovahkiin happy 😀

and last but not least

Saving our relatives – a fairly new blog by a lovely lady who has a passion for primates, particularly Chimps 🙂 I feel you primate loving sister! 😛

You ladies definitely deserve them! You can find the pictures for the awards in my side bar over that-a-way >> 🙂

Now I’m not so good at following the rules thing, so I’ll just go ahead and answer the questions that come with them 😛

Favourite colour: Fluro green :D

Favourite animal:  Orangutans and African Grey Parrots and Kitties!

Favourite number: 83586762872084 😉

Favourite non-alcoholic drink: I know I really should say something healthy like ‘Water’, but in all seriousness I love sugar, GIVE ME VANILLA COKE! 😀

Favourite alcoholic drink: Currently Butterscotch Schnapps!

Facebook or TwitterWordPress 😉

My passions: Books, games, animals, hating people, you know, the usual 😛

Giving or receiving gifts: Giving, I love spoiling the ones I love! …….and ok I won’t lie, receiving gifts is also pretty darn dandy! 😀

Favourite city: Erm, well I don’t really want to say the capital of SA, but its the only city I know well enough, so Adelaide it is! Congrats Adelaide, you win by default! 😛

Favourite TV showsScrubs and Modern Family 🙂

It’s been a great year Remain Insane, and I promise you that the barrage of ranting and crap I upload will continue 😀 Oh, and one other thing. Don’t be mad blog, but I kiiiiiiiinda have these 3 assignments I have to do for uni, so um I kiiiiiiinda might not be paying  you as much attention for the next few days……….. we’re still good though right? RIGHT?!

I’ll take that as a no 😛

Until next time lovelies 🙂

 

15 Jasper memes! January 30, 2013

Let’s face it, if I were to go through your browser history while ignoring some of the more ….. er …… colourful web searches 😛 at some point I would come across ‘cat memes’, ‘funny cats’ or something similar of the sort (yes, even you too guys!). I myself tend to spend far too much time looking for these ridiculous pictures when my boredom is coupled with internet access AND I REGRET NOTHING! 😀 but am always rewarded with a giggle at these crazy little critters antics. After viewing a few hundred of these pictures and memes, I was going through my photos and came to the realisation that over the course of his short life, my cat Jasper has been very photogenic………..so after having way too much time on my hands these uni holidays, having the opinion that cats are hilarious in any situation as well as having an over active imagination, I give you……. *insert drumroll here* my very own Jasper memes! 😛 No doubt my cat would disown me if he knew how badly I was degrading his noble stature on the internet, but what he doesn’t know can’t hurt him right? 😉

And lucky number 15, a reaction typical of my boyfriend and I when talking to Jasper 😛

I need to get out more 😀

Until next week lovelies 🙂

 

Musical Madness December 19, 2012

Raging Rant No. 5: Shitty music

From the beginning of time when the first caveman overly strained his frontal cortex, hit two bones together and thought it was pretty neat, music has always been created to invoke an emotion in its listeners. Pop, rock, rap, RnB, soul, blues, jazz, metal, country, we all have our favourite genre of these wonderful complications to listen to and lose ourselves in. Some of these songs make us happy. Some make us sad. Some make us laugh . . . .

And others make me want to gauge out voice boxes and Fus Ro Dah assholes off of cliff faces.

Personally, I am a rock/disco/pop fan, so I hate 99% of today’s techno hits that are coming out. But before I insult anyone on their music taste, when I say shit music, I am not actually talking about the genre of what a song is. I am more referring to the lyrical ‘genius’ of artists when they are composing a song. While it is perfectly possible for artists to create a song not only with good music but with good lyrics too, good quality lyrics are being sacrificed more often these days while being replaced with shallow and meaningless ones. Don’t get me wrong, not all lyrics have to be meaningful and shitty lyrics span across all types of genres, but at the risk of sounding like a cranky old grandma that’s going to beat you with her walking stick while nagging your ear off about ‘back in her day’, I am fairly certain our poor radios have been subjected to their fair share of dumbassery in concentrated amounts over the past few years , starting with . . . . .

1) She’s so Mean by Matchbox Twenty

The lyrics:

‘She’ll make you take her to the club, but then she leaves with her friends
She likes to stay late at the party cause the fun never ends
And all her clothes are on the floor, and all your records are scratched
She’s like a one-way ticket cause you can’t come back

Sayin’ yeah, and you want her
But she’s so mean
(You’ll never let her go, why don’t you let her go?)
Yeah, and you want her
But she’s so mean
(You’ll never let her go, why don’t you let her go?)’

That’s right fellas, apparently as long as your girlfriend is hot, her personality doesn’t count for a penny! She’s a complete bitch you say? Doesn’t matter, she’s hot dude! She’s destroying your shit? Oh you, that shouldn’t come into account you silly fool, I mean her face completely excuses her actions, she’s a real keeper!

I don’t know about you guys, but if I had some woman destroying my stuff and ditching me for her friends, I wouldn’t give a dog turd about how hot her face was, that bitch is getting fly kicked!

2) That’s what makes you Beautiful by One Direction (Note: no picture is included for said song as I outright refuse to see that people looking up One Direction have been directed to my blog via google search)

The lyrics:

‘Baby you light up my world like nobody else
The way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed
But when you smile at the ground it aint hard to tell
You don’t know you’re beautiful, that’s what makes you beautiful!’

Firstly, this meme describes my first objection to your stupid lyrics perfectly:

Secondly, doesn’t this girl you are talking about that is beautiful because she doesn’t know she’s beautiful now know she’s beautiful so that means she is no longer beautiful?

3) Peacock by Katy Perry

The lyrics:

‘Are you brave enough to let me see your peacock? Don’t be a chicken boy, stop acting like a biatch. I’m a peace out if you don’t give me the pay off, Come on baby let me see your whatchu hidin’ underneath! I wanna see your peacock, cock cock (repeat cock a few more hundred times)’

Katy Perry is certainly passionate about seeing her man’s colourful bird up front! I’m not sure how many guys would be able to satisfy her though, I mean, what guy drags his peacock around on a date? Oh wait….. you mean she actually means she wants to see his….. OH! What a delightfully clever play on words, oh Katy, you certainly are subtle!

4) Call Me Maybe by Carly Rae Jepsen

The lyrics:

‘Your stare was holding
Ripped jeans, skin was showing
Hot night, wind was blowing
Where you think you’re going, baby?

Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy
But here’s my number, so call me maybe
It’s hard to look right, at you baby
But here’s my number, so call me maybe

Before you came into my life I missed you so bad
I missed you so bad… I missed you so, so bad’

Hey you just met him, and you’re fucking crazy. Give him your number, and he’ll stalk you maybe! Wait, maybe I’ve got it around the wrong way around! ‘Before you came into my life I missed you so bad’? Firstly, we can clearly see Carly has impeccable logic. Secondly, how long has Carly been following this poor guy around without ever making her presence known to him?! DON’T TAKE HER NUMBER MAN, RUN WHILE YOU CAN! Better run fast though, from the sounds of it Carly isn’t going to let you get very far…

CALL 1ЛЕ mVBE Луоик STflRE DAS HOLDIN’ ЫНШ 70U THINK YOU'RE G0IN6 ßPißy?/ ]} HöT N\6HT, wind NftS bLOWIN'jJJ) 5^,comics,forlackofabettercomic,call me maybe,song

6) Friday by Rebecca Black

The lyrics:

Seven a.m., waking up in the morning
Gotta be fresh, gotta go downstairs
Gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal
Seein’ everything, the time is goin’
Tickin’ on and on, everybody’s rushin’
Gotta get down to the bus stop
Gotta catch my bus, I see my friends (My friends)

Kickin’ in the front seat
Sittin’ in the back seat
Gotta make my mind up
Which seat can I take?

Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday
Today i-is Friday, Friday (Partyin’)
We-we-we so excited
We so excited’

Phew, I wish my life was that exciting when I was 12 years old! Getting up at 7am, eating cereal and choosing what seat to sit in in the car, woah! I mean, being given the choice of sitting in the front seat or the back seat by your parents is pretty damn life changing at 12! You’ll look totally bitchin’ and be ready to paaarrtaay……. at your 4-year-old cousins birthday party 😉 And wait, you’re telling me that if yesterday was Thursday, that means today is Friday?!?!

THAT IS TOTALLY LIFE CHANGING, I AM SO GLAD YOU FELT THE NEED TO ADD THIS INTO A SONG SO THE WORLD CAN REVEL IN THIS NEW THEORY!

7) Skater Boy by Avril Lavigne

The lyrics:

‘He was a boy
She was a girl
Can I make it anymore obvious?’

WHERE ARE THESE PEOPLE COMING UP WITH THESE WONDERFUL NEW REVOLUTIONARY DISCOVERIES?! MIND BLOWN.

8) Hot Problems by Double Take

The lyrics:

‘Just cuz I’m pretty
I have to be dumb
I don’t care about wits
I just wanna have fun.

Hot girls we have problems too
We’re just like you
Except we’re hot
The world needs to open their eyes
and realise
We’re not perfect and sometimes we lie!

Just kidding,
we’re perfect!’

Everyone, please take a moment to mourn for the ‘hot girls’ of the world and really think about how difficult life must be to be dumb, misunderstood and to be like normal people but hot …….. that second over yet? We done? Great! I cried you a river Double Take, I really did, but I don’t understa….. I can’t even…… DA FUQ?! When I first saw the lyrics I thought these girls must have been joking and taking the piss, but upon watching the video, the sad thing is they are actually serious. At least the song had a happy ending though right? I mean, after describing the troubles these poor pre-pubescent little snots girls have to face daily by not being perfect, in the end it turns out they are actually perfect and being good-looking and dumb is great!

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While there is no doubt these songs have been popular, music artists these days are a total cop out when it comes to their lyrics, and quite frankly make my ears bleed! I don’t know about you, but I would rather write a single good quality song that meant something beyond genitalia, hot girls or which seat I should take in the car on a Friday and that would be remembered for a lifetime rather than a shitty little tune with lyrics that a three-year old could babble out and make a quick buck. While there would be many people who would disagree with me on my criticisms of these songs, I have one further point to push my Grandma case of why musical lyrics were better ‘back in the day’:

It took 7 people to write Justin Bieber’s song ‘Baby’ which consists of about a dozen words. It took ONE MAN to write the musical masterpiece that is Bohemian Rhapsody.

Until next rant lovelies 🙂

 

Life as of late! October 17, 2012

 After typing a gazillion essays (YAY FOR UNI -___-), not yet being bothered to complete all of my actual interesting but lengthy blog posts, having a complete burn out and not being able to comprehend what is going on half the time, here is my life as of late in picture form!

Stop the press, GEMMA ACTUALLY DID SOMETHING WITH HER HAIR! Those that personally know me know how big this is. My whole life I have never done anything with my virgin brown hair, so Steven decided to pay for me to get a change and get it dip dyed caramel blonde. I have to say I am extremely happy with the result, I have always liked the ombre colouring, and it goes perfectly with brown spastic curly hair that is kept down 99% of the time such as mine. And best of all, it is easily maintainable for the lazy bastard in me 😀

Steven and I celebrated our 3 year anniversary. This man means more to me than words can describe, and he has made the last three years of my life amazing. Love you always baby! 🙂 ❤

We also both just turned 21. This doesn’t really bother us, as we both already know no matter what age we are, we are always going to act like 5 year olds 😀 We also had a 21st BBQ, which was a big thing for us because we are usually antisocial and have an overwhelming need to cut off total human contact once it gets dark 😛 It turned out to be a wonderful night full of tipsy fun, in which I discovered I can still Gangnam style (If you are not sure of the dance and song I am talking about, go onto Youtube and look up ‘Gangnam style’ by PSY) like a boss while drunk:

After dancing to it once, everyone seemed very impressed with my dancing and insisted it was done again. Only the next morning could I actually recall how many people actually filmed a video of my dancing, and while I have seen it and was quite proud of my moves, that is one video I don’t think I’ll be showing you 😉

This 21st gift from my little brother made my inner nerd have a fan girl episode and squeal with glee. IT IS AN ACTUAL LIFE SIZED COSPLAY KEYBLADE. ISN’T IT AWESOME?! I might not be prepared for the zombie apocalypse, but if the Heartless attack, I AM THE KEYBLADE MASTER! 😄

After a year of living in Adelaide and applying for over 100 different jobs, I finally have got one…… at a pet store! 😀 This is currently my second week and I’m loving it so far. And just quietly, I am always happy when a puppy is a fussy eater or its siblings don’t let it have any food, it means I can take it out the back and feed it aka play with it, like this little sweetie 😀 It really makes me want to buy so many puppies, if it was up to me I would have already brought home a Blue Heeler, a Jack Russel, a Koolie, a Siberian Huskey (the little one above^) and a Golden Retriever! I sure if Jasper knew my plans of becoming a crazy dog lady, this would be his reaction:

Dear god….the end is near

At any chance to blow off my uni assignments, I have been devouring this mind blowing series. Seriously, read it right this second. I considered getting this book for about 6 months before actually purchasing it, and I regret not reading it sooner! I’d have to say it is already one of my favourite book series EVER. Jean Auel is an amazing writer, and the whole story is drool worthy. Set in the last Ice Age, the story is based on Ayla, a young European girl who loses her family to an earthquake at the age of 5, and is found and raised by Neanderthals, even though she is classed as one of ‘The Others’. Personally chosen by her totem the Cave Lion, Ayla tries her hardest to be a good Clan woman as she grows, but while her people and the Clan came from the same beginnings, the differences in body and mind between the two are vast. Tested over and over by an enormous amount of trials and tribulations, Ayla must try to repress her differences in order to stay with the only family she has ever known and loved. But as hard as she tries, Ayla is just too different, and has a destiny too great to ignore. After all, the Cave Lion, the strongest of all Clan totems, only chooses those that are meant for greatness. I could go on and on, but in all honesty, it really deserves a blog post in itself to do it any justice.

Uni is also sending me slightly batty, and I haven’t even begun to think about exams which are only 4 weeks away. If I actually manage to stay sane over the next month without some sort of breakdown it’ll be a miracle!

See you all on the flip side of exams! I hope……. /eye twitch

 

Exams: The good, the bad and the ugly June 29, 2012

Filed under: The Ramblings — Gemma @ 12:11 am
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Exams: the bane of every students existence.

The Good:

Upon realising as a result of my title I had to try to think of something good to write about exams, this was the reaction that followed:

Now that I think about it, this is also probably some of the lecturers/teachers reaction when they watch our faces fall as we open the exam and see all the difficult questions they have put in there:

SUCK ON THAT BITCHES! >:D

Sadistic assholes.

The good about exams: That they are finally over. And the fact that for a split second I honestly did try to think of something nice to say about exams made me laugh so hard I nearly peed my pants.

The Bad:

1) Due to exams, I disappeared off of the face of the blogosphere without so much as a how-do-you-do. For this I am truly sorry, and in the hope that my lovely readers will forgive me for slacking off, I have uploaded the cutest picture of my cat that I own:

Now that all is forgiven (as Jasper sleeping with his tongue out is insanely adorable :D), I am back to blogging and shall probably be posting far too many ramblings, reading loads too many books and playing way too many games starting as of now. The next three weeks are mid-semester break and I plan to thoroughly enjoy them 😀

2) The stress of trying to cram a semesters worth of information into your head in a few short weeks. Lets face it, we all do it. We slack off all semester thinking ‘Its ok, I’ll catch up on it next week!’. Before you know it, its exam revision week, you have done absolutely nothing, and you can’t even remember the name of the class you are taking. You stay up till 1 o’clock every night trying to force yourself to learn the in’s and out’s of a protozoan’s, a nematodes and the synapsids body structure, while your brain will swallow no such nonsense and conveniently only wants to sing ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ to you over and over again to drive you insane. Inevitably, the exam itself arrives. While these past weeks you have been shitting bricks (hopefully only figuratively and not literally) and been feeling like the end is near, in your current comatose state, you are actually strangely calm and no longer give a flying batshit if you actually pass or not. Throughout the exam, your asshole mind is still singing ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’. After you have finished, you vow:

‘Next semester will be different!’

 DON’T EVER BELIEVE YOURSELF! Usually, next semester is exactly the same, with twice the amount of procrastination to avoid getting stressed. I have already said this to myself after trying to learn 3 different topics within a 2 week period, but I don’t believe myself for a second, I am just too gosh darn lazy 🙂

3) Getting to the actual exam. I live two hours away from uni. I don’t drive. I have to catch public transport, meaning if I want to get to an 8:45am exam on time, I have to leave home at 6:30am. If this wasn’t bad enough, Adelaide Metro increased its efforts to make me a raging she-hulk by being even more useless than usual. At the best of times, a bus will usually rock up late or not show up at all. As a once off, this is fine and expected, however, on Tuesday when I was trying to get to my exam on time . . . . 6 F*CKING SCHEDUALED BUSES DIDN’T SHOW UP! Not late, they apparently just didn’t exist. I waited for an hour trying to contain my rage and then panic as every single bus but mine showed up, and when a bus did EVENTUALLY rock up, I had to stop myself sounding like a maniac and shrieking ‘WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?!’ at the bus driver. Thankfully I made the exam JUST on time! Stupid public transport -_____-

The Ugly:

Procrastination. While it comes in many forms, here are the ways that I use to waste perfectly good exam revision time:

1) Eating my feelings

My feelings this time around tasted like chocolate. Lots and lots of chocolate 😀

2) Chasing the cat with the duster

3) Making a useless to-do list

4) Taking out my anger on and abusing Cleverbot (a talking computer)

5) Looking through people’s pictures on Facebook, realising I am very behind on how girls take photos of themselves these days, and deciding to try it out myself:

Am I doing it right? 😛

Because this is clearly better than smiling 😛

6) Listening to this song on repeat which literally gives me no choice but to stop studying and instead disco dance around the house:

I am insanely glad that exams are finally over for this semester, and will spend the next three weeks reveling in my temporary freedom. I have also been looking massively forward to these holidays so I can finally get my butt back into Adelaide Zoo, complete my zoo guide training and finally become a fully fledged volunteer! I can’t wait! 😀