Remain Insane

Ramblings of an animal loving, people hating, game enthusing, book nerd :D

How Minecraft is ruining my life February 14, 2014

First I heard whisperings of it, then gamers raving of it, but as it was a computer game, I disregarded it and blissfully ignorant was I. Then, it became available on PS3. Oh, I told myself I would just try it out and that I wouldn’t play it much. I told myself it is only a silly, ‘play-once-in-a-while’ game, and so I logged in for the first time and sold my soul.

For those of you out there who are unfamiliar with the game, let me give you the run down. Prepare to have your mind blown. Ok, you ready for this? You break and place blocks. Yep, that’s it. You break a motherfucking block so you can place a different motherfucking block. The people, the animals, even the clouds, are all in cube form. It is the most simple concept which was most likely born from someone who also coincidentally had ready access to marijuana. But for reasons even unbeknownst to me, I can’t stop playing the fucking thing.

Minecraft 360

My addiction was formed through a two part process. The first was Survival Mode. When you begin, you start with absolutely nothing but your character Steve. However, there are beasties lurking and your hunger to be taken care of, so you have to begin to collect resources. So, the first course of action is to break down a tree only using your fists. I’m not even joking, you have to beat trees into submission with your bare hands. This is how an action as such would go down in real life:

/walks up and confidently punches tree expecting it to break

FUUUUUUUUUUU

So after you have broken every bone in your hands and wailed on the tree, you can now make a wooden axe, pickaxe and sword. You can even start building a house and killing animals for food. But, wooden tools are pretty shit, and after breaking about 50 of them you head off to find a mine to collect some stone. Once you have stone, you can make stone tools. Now you need a way to light up your house, so back off to the mine to collect some coal. By now you have encountered many beasts and probably died quite a few times, and think it is worth investing in some armour. So you return to the mine to collect some iron. Then you need more stone to make a smelter to smelt the iron ore into ingots. Then you need more wood for a crafting table to make your armour. Then you need more iron to make iron tools. Then you happen to come across some obsidian (a very valuable stone that can be turned into a portal to another world), which shits on your iron pickaxe because it can only be mined with a diamond pickaxe. So you go back into a mine and search 826598726 hours for diamond, all this while taking  regular breaks to find some food before you die…….. AND THERE IS NO END TO THIS CYCLE. You get so absorbed that this would be your reaction if someone interrupted your game play to tell you that you had won $50 million:

Reaction GIF: don't care, Morgan Freeman, The Shawshank Redemption

But this would be your reaction if you found one damned block of that damned pixelated diamond:

Elf

Enough is never enough. When you first begin, collecting resources is about survival. By the time you have collected your first piece of iron, it is about collecting anything and EVERYTHING. Your addiction compels you to keep collecting shit you don’t even need, ‘just in case’.

Me: 1542 wood, that should be plenty!

Obsessive compulsive Minecraft-crazed brain:

The second part of my addiction was developed through Creative mode. In this mode, you don’t have to collect anything, your inventory is already packed with unlimited supplies of everything. Which means you can let your imagination run rampant and you can build whatever the hell you want. My brother, boyfriend and I lost 3 days to this mode. We made towns, ships, volcanoes, rockets, statues, arenas, tree houses and more. I was even compelled to re-create shit like this:

 Next on my list is to recreate Middle Earth, from the Shire to Mordor. This is how entrenched I am in my addiction. Even though I realise my next project will take me weeks, I AM STILL GOING TO DO IT. By the time I leave the house again, I would have forgotten that the world isn’t actually made of cubes, will most likely become scared and confused, and run back inside to the familiarity of Minecraft.

File:-dafuq-.gif

I COMPLETELY RECOGNISE THAT I WILL HAVE TO GIVE UP THE REAL WORLD FOR A VIRTUAL WORLD MADE OF BLOCKS, BUT I AM STILL OK WITH THIS.

I have an addiction ladies and gentleman. An addiction to collecting 2673 pieces of wool. To slaying cubed zombies and dragons. To building useless shit in block form. I think it is time to check myself into Minecraft rehab…….

…..now, what would the rehab centre be made out of? Wood, definitely wood. But I need to go collect some more, I don’t want to eat into my supply of 5690 wood pieces. A fireplace would be perfect as well, better swing by the mine and get some stone, may as well grab some coal while I’m there too, maybe even some iron……..

😉

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