Remain Insane

Ramblings of an animal loving, people hating, game enthusing, book nerd :D

The Return of the Ranter February 10, 2014

Filed under: The Ramblings — Gemma @ 1:52 pm
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Kinda like ‘The Return of the King’ (being the third time I have been gone for months and then returned) but with little less LOTR epicness and a little more of this juvenile crap:

😀

Remain Insane has had a facelift and a revamp, so to my old and new lovely followers, let me re-acquaint myself with you:

About the Blogger:

Gemma likes to think of herself as a witty closet journalist, so decided she would share this with the world and create a blog. The plan was to wow viewers with her well researched and thought out posts, however after recent review it has been found that actually, Gemma just spew’s forth a whole load of verbal diarrhoea along with gifs and cat memes in an attempt to provide ‘LOLZ’. She entertained the idea of perhaps changing her blog content to something a little more sophisticated, but then got distracted by a video of dog dancing to ‘Shake That’, and hence has continued to fill her blog with her raving. And cats. She will occasionally talk about something serious here and there, but will mostly crap on like a lunatic.

Gemma amazingly managed to drag herself through 4 years of uni in an Animal Behaviour degree, and is now waiting on her official piece of paper so she can start regularly using the phrase ‘Trust me, I’m a scientist’. At 16, she managed to snag the best ‘first job’ ever and started working in an Aussie wildlife park, cuddling koalas, wrestling crocodiles and taming snakes, which she thought was pretty awesome. From this, she decided she would like to spend her life working towards animal care and conservation. She currently volunteers at a zoo making animal toys, and talks about her most favourite and loved animal; orangutans, every chance she gets. It must also be noted that Gemma has realised that she hates people, a lot. She likes to claim she isn’t antisocial, she just thinks people are stupid. Being an old fashioned nancy, one of Gemma’s favourite things is to rant about people who she secretly suspects to have an IQ of single digits.

– Additional useless details –

Video games and books are the best. Gemma has a cat called Jasper who acts like a dog. All things nerdy are absolutely wonderful. Big Bang Theory and Scrubs is the shit, full stop no returns. If you don’t think the Lion King is THE BEST DISNEY MOVIE EVER, don’t discuss this with Gemma, as she will become unnecessarily aggravated and violent. Gemma also apparently likes to talk about herself in third person.

After spending the past 6 months having to write 3000 word essays galore, I was unsure if I would ever log back in to WordPress. After whinging and whining about having to write so much for Uni, I have been 110% unmotivated to spend my spare time at the computer doing more typing, so accepted that my blog may lie dormant forevermore. But no sooner than my last assignment left my hands, my urge to blog came back. And hence, here I am, ready to fill your feeds with ranting and rambling again 😀

Just thought I’d give you all a heads up 😉

 

Top 15 ways to procrastinate April 8, 2013

I have 2 debates tomorrow that I have to prepare for and an assignment due on Friday about insects……. so naturally, here I am 😀 Here is what I think are the best ways to procrastinate and how I have been spending the past few days to avoid all Uni related topics 😀

1) Eating your feelings

Thinking about your assignment? Here, have some chocolate! Wondering if you should start it yet? No, don’t be silly, here, have some chocolate! Worried that its due tomorrow? Here, have some chocolate! Feel ready to start that essay now? Pfft, don’t do that, here, have some chocolate!

Food provides instant gratification, study does not. Therefore Food>Study 😀

keep-calm-and-eat-lots-of-chocolate-7[1]

2) Sleeping

Do you want be a model student and stay at that computer slaving away for hours on that assignment due next week, or do you want to curl up under those nice warm snuggly covers, shut your poor weary eyes and catch a few z’s in dreamland? Seriously, is this even a question?! 😉

3) Reading Facebook arguments

Casually logging onto your Facebook (which in itself is a procrastination tool ;P), quickly flick through your news feed, same ol’ same ol’ ‘This happened to me today’, ‘Look at this picture of my kid’, ‘Ohemgeeee’, and……. wait! What was that?! *Gasp* 100+ comments, loads of swearing and insults, and *double gasp* they have started used CAPSLOCK?! Let me get the popcorn!

Dis gon b gud

4) Reading an awesome book

You know that book that you have been wanting to read forever but have been reading your textbook instead? Yeah, now is the best time to read it, because nothing makes a book more interesting than directly comparing it to the stuff you have to read for assignments! 😀 Plus they allow you to escape to all sorts of wonderful and interesting worlds! Mine right now is Seven Ancient Wonders by Matthew Reilly, Ancient Egyptian prophecies and jam packed action are a lot more cool than flower pollination strategies 😀

5) Playing games

Want to play Bioshock Infinite with floating cities in the sky, vigors that let you throw fire and have a literal ‘murder of crows’ and has rifts in the time-space continuum?

YES.

How about Skyrim where you are the motherfricken Dovahkiin with the ability of the Thuum which allows you to throw people off cliffs, tame dragons and create massive storms out of nothing, all with your voice?

DOUBLE YES.

Maybe even Dragon Age where you are one of the two last Grey Wardens, fighting to unite all of Ferelden against the impending Darkspawn blight and the dreaded Archdemon which threaten to destroy the world?

TRIPLE YES.

Want to do your homework now?

NEVER 😀

6) Re-arranging your sock drawer

Which suddenly becomes a whole lot more fun when you should be doing homework instead 😛

7) Playing fetch with the cat

Yes, you heard me, cat, not dog. Oh, didn’t you know that cats play fetch too?! Well ……. at least mine does 😛 He is entertained for at least a good half hour with me throwing him a stick which he will bring back to me, super cute…… and a little strange 😛

Fetch Jasper!

8) Playing dress ups

Crazy wigs, extravagant makeup, funky costumes, doing this is fun anytime of day, procrastinating or not! 😀 I opted for a crazy 80’s rocker wannabe, and sadly, that wig isn’t far off how my natural hair can look sometimes 😛

9) Annoying your better half

Poke them, wrestle them, meow in their ear constantly, hide their stuff, give them a wet willy, pin them down and tickle them, bite them – you’ll soon forget about any study that you are ment to do! Mainly due to an onslaught of retaliation from them, and hence the war begins 😛 My boyfriend is definitely the better half with the things he has to put up with, even when he gets me back 100 times better 😛 ❤

Procrastination can be dangerous 😛

10) Listening to Disney songs

Whenever I remember I once conveniently compiled all my favourite Disney songs into one blog post (which you can find here), study instantly ceases, as I have no choice but to listen to each and every single one about half a dozen times each 😀 Disney songs from your childhood never get old, and should be a must on anyones procrastination to do list 😉

11) Looking up all the gloriously nerdy props that you need want

Like this:

One ring to rule them all….

And this:

Cardcaptors 😀

And especially this:

Gonna catch me an Eevee 😀

A good few solid hours can always be wasted looking up these wonderful items that have absolutely no practical use whatsoever, BUT ARE SO FREAKING AMAZING 😀 I kinda feel like this cat when looking at these types of things:

12) Graciously accepting a sports video game challenge against your boyfriend

At any other time of the day, most girls would decline the challenge knowing that their boyfriend is going to run all over them, but this is procrastination you are talking about so accept the offer damn it! 😛 Who knows, you might even win, I know I have……… once 😛

Wait…. you mean I won? I spose I should be gracious and all…. I AM THE CHAMPION, BOW DOWN TO ME MORTALS! 😀

13) Go onto Google Earth, and out of all the wonderful places you could look at, search for your own house

I can’t really put it any more detail than that…….. so here is a picture of a cat acting like a sir 😛

14) Make random animal noises

For those in desperate need of self entertainment and that have exhaused their supply of procrastination tasks 😀

15) Write a blog about procrastinating and then procrastinate writing it

Like I have been doing for the past few hours 😀 Procrastinating over writing about procrastinating, I think I should join this club: 😛

Until next rambling,

 

Writer’s block and brain farts January 15, 2013

Over the past few days I have wasted hours staring at a blank computer screen. I have started this sentence a few dozen times and then ended up deleting it only to be stuck on a blank screen again. I have come up with many an idea of blog posts I’d love to write, rants that must be had and books and games that I would love to rave about, but I can’t seem to put any of them into something that doesn’t sound like I just mashed my face into the keyboard. I have cracked tantrums, been adamant I will delete my whole blog because of how frustrated I am and then decided against it at last minute. No matter how much I have tried nor how many hours I have spent trying to write my brain completely refuses to function and let me have my creative outlet. I have been struck with a very severe case of writers block, so much so that I have spent the past 24 hours having writer’s block about how to write about writer’s block! I have so much to say and yet no way to say it!

Already it has been half an hour and another tantrum since I have typed the paragraph above! I don’t know if it’s because I’m trying to hard. I don’t know if it’s because I am beginning to over think my posts and am worrying too about the content. I don’t know if it’s because I am comparing myself to other blogger’s and feel as if I am coming up short. All I know is this brain fart is beginning to drive me up the wall!

image

I have read and tried so many tips on how to get past it: Talk to someone about it (I’ve practically gnawed my poor boyfriend’s ear off), if you can’t write anything try again later (x1000000000), write crap (currently in progress 😛 ), but alas, nothing is working and I am still stuck as ever. And I possibly just created the most pointless blog post ever….. well at least I can cross out the possibility that my lack of writing is due to me worrying about the content 😛 Maybe eating my frustrations and stress will help?

After all, stressed is desserts spelt backwards! 😉

Oh, and meet Squirt (yes, as in Squirt off of Finding Nemo 😛 ), our newest addition to our little family 🙂 Until next time lovelies, when my brain decides to become functional again!

‘You so totally rock Squirt!’

 

‘The English langauge is spoken fluently throughout Western society’….said no one ever September 12, 2012

Filed under: The People Hating — Gemma @ 6:42 pm
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For any other animal, the word evolution means that a fascinating and wondrous change has occurred for the better. Whether it be ‘this animal has evolved wings’ or ‘that animal has evolved to be the fastest thing on the planet’, evolution is forever looking for ways to improve the creatures it has so carefully crafted, and continues to work towards new improvements every day. Unfortunately, an evolution of sorts has occurred in humans and has been out of natures control to improve it. And rather than this movement taking leaps forward as an ‘evolutionary movement’ should, it has made mankind sound like a total bunch of buffoons:

The evolution of the English language.

While there are some real doozies, the following are what I belive are some of the worst words/sayings to ever grace our lovely language. And this is only the tip of the iceberg folks, it’s a downward spiral from here!

Exhibit A: YOLO

Definition: I’m a moron! You only live once.

Used in statements such as: Just got caught having sex with my best friend’s boyfriend….. YOLO!

Why this makes my ears bleed: You never see this ‘inspirational’ abbreviation referred to a worthwhile event in ones life such as ‘Just went sky diving, YOLO’. Instead, it is only ever used by prepubescent dumbasses (who have COMPLETELY taken the wrong message from this saying) who have done something completely moronic and they assume shouting ‘YOLO’ excuses what ever it is they have done. YOLO is not an excuse to make batshit crazy decisions. And if you only live one life, WHY ARE YOU LIVING IT LIKE A F*CKHEAD AND RISK RUINING IT WITH RASH DECISIONS?! Say YOLO while in my presence, and you are not going to be living your one life much longer. In the words of Jack Black: I fairly sure YOLO is just Carpe Diem for stupid people.

Exhibit B: Nek Minnit

Definition: Next minute.

Used in statements such as: One minute it was there, nek minnit, it was gone!

Why this makes my ears bleed: Congratulations, by saying ‘nek minute’ you have saved 0.000000001 milliseconds of your time via your ingenious ability to cut a single letter out of what was obviously an already hugely difficult phrase. Oh, and you’ve also made yourself sound like a total ass. Speak like that again, and NEXT MINUTE, you are going to my fist in your face.

Exhibit C: Boi/gurl

Definition: Boy and girl

Used in statements such as: Hey booooiii/gurrrl!

Why this makes my ears bleed: YOU HAVEN’T EVEN CUT OUT ANY LETTERS TO TRY AND SAVE TIME, YOU HAVE JUST REPLACED ALREADY PERFECTLY GOOD LETTERS WITH A RANDOM ASSORTMENT OF NONSENSE AND SOUND LIKE A TWAT. YOU ARE WORSE THAN THE NEK MINUTE PEOPLE.

Exhibit D: Smexy

Definition: A supposedly completely f*cked up cutsie way of saying sexy, or is smart and sexy combined.

Used in statements such as: Oooomg, me so smexy!

Why this makes my ears bleed: I’m sorry, if you use this word, you might be sexy, but you are DEFINATELY not smart. For the love of god, take the extra five seconds to say both words, smart and sexy, and save yourself the embarrassment.

Exhibit E: Swag

Definition: A ‘cool’ demeanor, style and how you present yourself.

Used in statements such as: Damn, that boy’s got swag!

Why this makes my ears bleed: To be honest I don’t even actually know what the hell swag is, it just sounds a total load of tosh that is just a lame excuse for being a dick.

Exhibit F: Ya’ll

Definition: You all.

Used in statements such as: Hey ya’ll!

Why this makes my ears bleed: Ok before I offend anyone who says this, this is just one of those weird unjustified pet peeves of mine 😛 It is also completely hypocritical of me, being Australian, in the same sentence to say ‘G’day’ and then that I hate the phrase ‘ya’ll’, but I hold Miley Cyrus personally responsible for raping my ears with it about 100 times per Hannah Montana episode 😛

Exhibit G: Straya’ c*nt!

Definition: A completely feral way of saying you have Aussie pride.

Used in statements such as: /feral does something classed as Australian: Straya cu*t!

Why this makes my ears bleed: If any of you have ever been to Australia, or live in Australia, no doubt you would have seen some of our *cough* wonderful bogans, that look a little something like this:

I am all for these guys having pride in our lovely country, but anything with that revolting word in it makes me cringe. If that’s the way you are going to show Australian pride, please drink some more beer until you pass out and we don’t have to hear you talk. What ever happened to the good old ‘Aussie aussie aussie oi oi oi!’?

Honestly, cavemen grunting at each other is more understandable. Though used in common conversation these days, these type of words drive the English student in me up the wall and honestly question if the younger generations that use these words actually have an IQ higher than single digits. Unfortunately, there is no hope to salvage the English language, and some genius will no doubt continue to come up with these ‘hip’ and ‘cool’ sayings that people will feel the need to work into every sentence to raise their stupid status among their equally stupid peers.

I only have one potential solution to this downward spiral: Begin to beat people to death with dictionaries.

 Let the Oxford beatings begin >:)

 

Exams: The good, the bad and the ugly June 29, 2012

Filed under: The Ramblings — Gemma @ 12:11 am
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Exams: the bane of every students existence.

The Good:

Upon realising as a result of my title I had to try to think of something good to write about exams, this was the reaction that followed:

Now that I think about it, this is also probably some of the lecturers/teachers reaction when they watch our faces fall as we open the exam and see all the difficult questions they have put in there:

SUCK ON THAT BITCHES! >:D

Sadistic assholes.

The good about exams: That they are finally over. And the fact that for a split second I honestly did try to think of something nice to say about exams made me laugh so hard I nearly peed my pants.

The Bad:

1) Due to exams, I disappeared off of the face of the blogosphere without so much as a how-do-you-do. For this I am truly sorry, and in the hope that my lovely readers will forgive me for slacking off, I have uploaded the cutest picture of my cat that I own:

Now that all is forgiven (as Jasper sleeping with his tongue out is insanely adorable :D), I am back to blogging and shall probably be posting far too many ramblings, reading loads too many books and playing way too many games starting as of now. The next three weeks are mid-semester break and I plan to thoroughly enjoy them 😀

2) The stress of trying to cram a semesters worth of information into your head in a few short weeks. Lets face it, we all do it. We slack off all semester thinking ‘Its ok, I’ll catch up on it next week!’. Before you know it, its exam revision week, you have done absolutely nothing, and you can’t even remember the name of the class you are taking. You stay up till 1 o’clock every night trying to force yourself to learn the in’s and out’s of a protozoan’s, a nematodes and the synapsids body structure, while your brain will swallow no such nonsense and conveniently only wants to sing ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ to you over and over again to drive you insane. Inevitably, the exam itself arrives. While these past weeks you have been shitting bricks (hopefully only figuratively and not literally) and been feeling like the end is near, in your current comatose state, you are actually strangely calm and no longer give a flying batshit if you actually pass or not. Throughout the exam, your asshole mind is still singing ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’. After you have finished, you vow:

‘Next semester will be different!’

 DON’T EVER BELIEVE YOURSELF! Usually, next semester is exactly the same, with twice the amount of procrastination to avoid getting stressed. I have already said this to myself after trying to learn 3 different topics within a 2 week period, but I don’t believe myself for a second, I am just too gosh darn lazy 🙂

3) Getting to the actual exam. I live two hours away from uni. I don’t drive. I have to catch public transport, meaning if I want to get to an 8:45am exam on time, I have to leave home at 6:30am. If this wasn’t bad enough, Adelaide Metro increased its efforts to make me a raging she-hulk by being even more useless than usual. At the best of times, a bus will usually rock up late or not show up at all. As a once off, this is fine and expected, however, on Tuesday when I was trying to get to my exam on time . . . . 6 F*CKING SCHEDUALED BUSES DIDN’T SHOW UP! Not late, they apparently just didn’t exist. I waited for an hour trying to contain my rage and then panic as every single bus but mine showed up, and when a bus did EVENTUALLY rock up, I had to stop myself sounding like a maniac and shrieking ‘WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?!’ at the bus driver. Thankfully I made the exam JUST on time! Stupid public transport -_____-

The Ugly:

Procrastination. While it comes in many forms, here are the ways that I use to waste perfectly good exam revision time:

1) Eating my feelings

My feelings this time around tasted like chocolate. Lots and lots of chocolate 😀

2) Chasing the cat with the duster

3) Making a useless to-do list

4) Taking out my anger on and abusing Cleverbot (a talking computer)

5) Looking through people’s pictures on Facebook, realising I am very behind on how girls take photos of themselves these days, and deciding to try it out myself:

Am I doing it right? 😛

Because this is clearly better than smiling 😛

6) Listening to this song on repeat which literally gives me no choice but to stop studying and instead disco dance around the house:

I am insanely glad that exams are finally over for this semester, and will spend the next three weeks reveling in my temporary freedom. I have also been looking massively forward to these holidays so I can finally get my butt back into Adelaide Zoo, complete my zoo guide training and finally become a fully fledged volunteer! I can’t wait! 😀

 

Dumb and dumber June 3, 2012

Random Raging Rant No. 3: People.

I don’t know if I have just been particularly anti-social this week, or if people have been particularly stupid, so I’m going to go with the latter as it is the most reasonable explanation. As I seem to have been struck down with a severe case of the crankies and feel the need to use a large amount of profanities, here are a few things that I hate about a few stupid assholes.

1) People who ask stupid DUMBASS questions.

I used to work in a wildlife park, where I put on shows for people while holding baby crocodiles and snakes. So naturally, I got asked a lot of questions about the animals that I was showing. Now, before you think: ‘There is no such thing as a stupid question Gemma, stop being so over dramatic!’ let me enlighten you on the ABSOLUTE FRICKEN BEAUTIES I got asked EVERY FLIPPING DAY. I’d go to the crocodile tank, armed with a piece of tape. Getting the baby croc’s out of their tank involved speed, strength, a lot a wriggling and potential finger threatening moments. I would have to catch the babies and tape their mouths, all while the tykes were trying to bite my fingers off with their little razor sharp teeth. Often people would watch me do this. And what would people (I’m talking adults here) ask me after this little display?

‘Why is there tape on the crocodile’s mouth?’

WHAT THE FLIPPING FUDGE NUTS?! DID YOU NOT JUST STAND THERE FOR 5 MINUTES WATCHING ME STRUGGLE TO SHUT ITS GOD DAMN MOUTH WHILE IT WAS TRYING TO MAUL ME YOU IMBECILE? YOU KNOW WHAT, JUST FOR YOU I’LL TAKE THE TAPE OFF! HERE, EVEN GIVE IT A KISS, BECAUSE ITS ACTUALLY SUPER F*CKING CUDDLY, AND CLEARLY NOT GOING TO CHEW YOUR F*CKING FACE OFF!

During the day, crocs also like to sunbake and rest, and can sometimes sit in the same spot the whole day. We had quite a large croc in an enclosure that liked to do this. The stupid question people asked me?

‘Is it real?’

NO, IT’S NOT REAL AT ALL! WE HAVE JUST BUILT A HUGE MOTHER F*CKING ENCLOSURE WITH RUNNING WATER AND HIGH FENCES AND PUT FOOD IN THERE FOR ABSOLUTELY NO REASON! WOULD YOU LIKE A CLOSER LOOK? MAYBE GO PLACE YOUR HEAD IN ITS MOUTH?

2) People in shopping centres.

You know the ones. The ones that stand completely stationary the whole time you are walking up to them, and then just as you are walking behind them they step back WITHOUT EVEN LOOKING and run right into you then give you a dirty look like it was YOU who did something wrong. Or the gossipy woman with a trolley that runs into an equally gossipy friend who also happens to have a trolley, and they both seem to mutually agree it is A FLIPPING FANTASTIC IDEA TO TOTALLY BLOCK OFF THE WHOLE AISLE WITH THEIR TROLLEYS WHILE THEY CHAT FOR AN HOUR, AND AGAIN, GIVE YOU DIRTY LOOKS AND SNIDE COMMENTS WHEN YOU POLITELY ASK THEM TO MOVE. OH I’M SORRY, BECAUSE CLEARLY IT IS ME WHO IS THE INCONSIDERATE ASS!

3) People who don’t use their car indicators.

Apparently using your indicator is THE HARDEST thing to ever do while driving a car according to the lack of people who use it. Countless times have I almost had a run in with a car as a pedestrian because some dumbass thought using his indicator was over-rated and that it would be fun to make me play a guessing game. USE YOUR INDICATOR DUMBASS.

4) Attention whores on Facebook

 Those absolutely stick thin girls who post pictures like this:

Oh ma gawd, I’m so fat!

Firstly, if you really thought you were fat, you would not put up revealing photos of yourself. Secondly, you know you are skinny, so shut your face. And thirdly, BITCH, IF YOU ARE FAT, THEN I AM FRICKEN SHAMU!

5) People who tink itz kewl to tlk lyk dis.

Please learn how to talk before I make you eat a dictionary. Just typing like this made me feel dirty!

6) The man who thought it would be a great idea to name a bird species ‘Larus maximus ex alba et nigro feu caeruleo nigricante varius’.

I am trying to memorize some Latin names for my Animal Diversity exam. Most are only two words tops, this one however is an absolutely monstrosity. Needless to say, this man was obviously a sadistic asshole. IF THIS SPECIES COMES UP IN THE EXAM (BECAUSE THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL I AM DEDICATING PRECIOUS MEMORY SPACE  TO REMEMBER THIS STUPID NAME) I AM GOING TO FIND SAID MAN AND SHOVE A PINEAPPLE UP HIS ANAL SPHINCTER.

In the future, I am sure there will be many more posts dedicated to the joy that is the human race and how much of the social butterfly I clearly am 😛

Until next week my lovely readers, unless I decide to run off into the forest and become a hermit 😀