Mounted cat heads, hyney’s and animal penises – The strange people who stumbled across my blog with strange Google searches July 31, 2013

As bloggers, there is nothing we like better than to visually see the virtual love our little internet space is accumulating in the form of followers, likes, comments, and more importantly, the amount of views shown on our stats pages. Whether it be 30, 300, or even 3000 views, seeing that little bar graph grow and expand is a way to let us know people have stopped by, visited our page and read our awesome blogs. On the surface, these stats and views look pretty as a picture and always give a much needed confidence boost that fellow bloggers like your stuff. After a while however, you will notice that it is not just other bloggers that are coming across your page, but also random people that have entered particular terms into a search engine, and lo’ and behold, your blog has popped up! At some point, you will become curious as to exactly what words and phrases are leading people to your blog, and will delve into the ‘Search Engine Terms’ to find out. I did as such, expecting to see a normal bunch of search terms and be able to place what searches had lead to what post. Boy was I wrong! Turns out, a lot of people have come across my blog searching for a bunch of very fucked up *ahem* strange things, in which my blog would have no doubt left them sorely disappointed 😛 So without further ado, here are some of the weirdest people with the weirdest Google searches to ever grace my blog!

Brace yourselves people, we are entering the underbelly of the ‘Search engine terms’ 😛

‘Cockroach shit’

Really? Cockroach shit? I’m always one for weird animal facts, but come on, there has to be something a bit more interesting to spend your time googling, like cat memes! 😀

‘Mounted Cat Heads’

WHAT?! WHY WOULD EVEN WANT THAT?! CAT’S ARE FOR GIGGLES AND CUDDLES, NOT TO MOUNT ON YOUR WALL! YOU GET OFF MY BLOG, AND YOU GET OFF IT NOW!

‘Hyena penis’, ‘Lion Penis’, ‘Baby Orangutan Penis’, ‘Animal penises’.

Wow people of the internet, you really like your animal penises! Sorry folks, though I have (in my ‘Useless Animal Facts’) mentioned a female hyena’s pseudo-penis and a lion’s scary spiked ding-a-ling, I don’t actually provide a whole A-Z of animal shlongs!

‘Hyney’

I seriously hope you are an atrocious speller and were searching for ‘Hyena’, because there are certainly no hyney’s on this blog! Sorry to disappoint, maybe if you get straight to point and search the terms ‘butt’ or ‘bum’ you’ll find what you’re after? 😛

‘Carly Rae Jepsen butt’

Oh, well in that case……. no, there are still no butt cheeks or cracks to be seen here. Go away!

‘Nude pics from warm summer rain’

What?! What have I just been saying?! How did you even get here?! Oh wait, I know, it was when I said one of my favourite things was summer rain wasn’t it? Sorry to get your hopes up, all you would have found would have been a picture of rain, not very good masturbatory material! Here, let me make it up to you, here is a photo of a wet pussy!

Come on really, what else did you expect? ;P

‘Sailor Moon sex’

So after just specifically specifying I have no buttock’s or nude pictures, you think I’ll have hentai on here too?! SAILOR MOON IS A CHILDHOOD FAVOURITE OF MINE, GET LOST YOU HOBO!

‘Skinny teen anal’

NO NO AND NO! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? HAVE YOU HEARD OF A THING CALLED PORN? GO USE IT!

‘I am the reptilian satan still i am the most beautiful man alive. women love me and my huge phallus in great demand’

Ok, so when I first saw this, I searched the term assuming it could only be song lyrics………….. it’s not. I don’t even…….I can’t understand……….

WHAT?!

 I can’t even begin to unravel this one or even comprehend what post attracted this person to my blog, so all I have to say is, yes, I am quite sure you’re huge evil reptilian willy is in great demand with the ladies /pats head and slips medication into drink 😛

Next time you check out your stats page, I dare you to search a little deeper into your search terms to see what you find. While you may come out of it a little scarred and have less understanding of the human race, but I promise it will give you a giggle 😛 Though if you decide to write a post about it like I have, be prepared to have even more weird search terms pop up over the next few weeks as a result of writing about them (I am now expecting an influx of porn/sex/phallus searches now, mother of god :P). Out of all the search terms in my list, my favourite has to be: ‘Crazy people talking about nothing’, which is stumbling across and visiting my blog for exactly the right reasons 😉

Until next time lovelies 🙂

Top 15 ways to procrastinate April 8, 2013

I have 2 debates tomorrow that I have to prepare for and an assignment due on Friday about insects……. so naturally, here I am 😀 Here is what I think are the best ways to procrastinate and how I have been spending the past few days to avoid all Uni related topics 😀

1) Eating your feelings

Thinking about your assignment? Here, have some chocolate! Wondering if you should start it yet? No, don’t be silly, here, have some chocolate! Worried that its due tomorrow? Here, have some chocolate! Feel ready to start that essay now? Pfft, don’t do that, here, have some chocolate!

Food provides instant gratification, study does not. Therefore Food>Study 😀

2) Sleeping

Do you want be a model student and stay at that computer slaving away for hours on that assignment due next week, or do you want to curl up under those nice warm snuggly covers, shut your poor weary eyes and catch a few z’s in dreamland? Seriously, is this even a question?! 😉

3) Reading Facebook arguments

Casually logging onto your Facebook (which in itself is a procrastination tool ;P), quickly flick through your news feed, same ol’ same ol’ ‘This happened to me today’, ‘Look at this picture of my kid’, ‘Ohemgeeee’, and……. wait! What was that?! *Gasp* 100+ comments, loads of swearing and insults, and *double gasp* they have started used CAPSLOCK?! Let me get the popcorn!

4) Reading an awesome book

You know that book that you have been wanting to read forever but have been reading your textbook instead? Yeah, now is the best time to read it, because nothing makes a book more interesting than directly comparing it to the stuff you have to read for assignments! 😀 Plus they allow you to escape to all sorts of wonderful and interesting worlds! Mine right now is Seven Ancient Wonders by Matthew Reilly, Ancient Egyptian prophecies and jam packed action are a lot more cool than flower pollination strategies 😀

5) Playing games

Want to play Bioshock Infinite with floating cities in the sky, vigors that let you throw fire and have a literal ‘murder of crows’ and has rifts in the time-space continuum?

YES.

How about Skyrim where you are the motherfricken Dovahkiin with the ability of the Thuum which allows you to throw people off cliffs, tame dragons and create massive storms out of nothing, all with your voice?

DOUBLE YES.

Maybe even Dragon Age where you are one of the two last Grey Wardens, fighting to unite all of Ferelden against the impending Darkspawn blight and the dreaded Archdemon which threaten to destroy the world?

TRIPLE YES.

Want to do your homework now?

NEVER 😀

6) Re-arranging your sock drawer

Which suddenly becomes a whole lot more fun when you should be doing homework instead 😛

7) Playing fetch with the cat

Yes, you heard me, cat, not dog. Oh, didn’t you know that cats play fetch too?! Well ……. at least mine does 😛 He is entertained for at least a good half hour with me throwing him a stick which he will bring back to me, super cute…… and a little strange 😛

Fetch Jasper!

8) Playing dress ups

Crazy wigs, extravagant makeup, funky costumes, doing this is fun anytime of day, procrastinating or not! 😀 I opted for a crazy 80’s rocker wannabe, and sadly, that wig isn’t far off how my natural hair can look sometimes 😛

9) Annoying your better half

Poke them, wrestle them, meow in their ear constantly, hide their stuff, give them a wet willy, pin them down and tickle them, bite them – you’ll soon forget about any study that you are ment to do! Mainly due to an onslaught of retaliation from them, and hence the war begins 😛 My boyfriend is definitely the better half with the things he has to put up with, even when he gets me back 100 times better 😛 ❤

Procrastination can be dangerous 😛

10) Listening to Disney songs

Whenever I remember I once conveniently compiled all my favourite Disney songs into one blog post (which you can find here), study instantly ceases, as I have no choice but to listen to each and every single one about half a dozen times each 😀 Disney songs from your childhood never get old, and should be a must on anyones procrastination to do list 😉

11) Looking up all the gloriously nerdy props that you need want

Like this:

One ring to rule them all….

And this:

Cardcaptors 😀

And especially this:

Gonna catch me an Eevee 😀

A good few solid hours can always be wasted looking up these wonderful items that have absolutely no practical use whatsoever, BUT ARE SO FREAKING AMAZING 😀 I kinda feel like this cat when looking at these types of things:

12) Graciously accepting a sports video game challenge against your boyfriend

At any other time of the day, most girls would decline the challenge knowing that their boyfriend is going to run all over them, but this is procrastination you are talking about so accept the offer damn it! 😛 Who knows, you might even win, I know I have……… once 😛

Wait…. you mean I won? I spose I should be gracious and all…. I AM THE CHAMPION, BOW DOWN TO ME MORTALS! 😀

13) Go onto Google Earth, and out of all the wonderful places you could look at, search for your own house

I can’t really put it any more detail than that…….. so here is a picture of a cat acting like a sir 😛

14) Make random animal noises

For those in desperate need of self entertainment and that have exhaused their supply of procrastination tasks 😀

15) Write a blog about procrastinating and then procrastinate writing it

Like I have been doing for the past few hours 😀 Procrastinating over writing about procrastinating, I think I should join this club: 😛

Until next rambling,

15 Jasper memes! January 30, 2013

Let’s face it, if I were to go through your browser history while ignoring some of the more ….. er …… colourful web searches 😛 at some point I would come across ‘cat memes’, ‘funny cats’ or something similar of the sort (yes, even you too guys!). I myself tend to spend far too much time looking for these ridiculous pictures when my boredom is coupled with internet access AND I REGRET NOTHING! 😀 but am always rewarded with a giggle at these crazy little critters antics. After viewing a few hundred of these pictures and memes, I was going through my photos and came to the realisation that over the course of his short life, my cat Jasper has been very photogenic………..so after having way too much time on my hands these uni holidays, having the opinion that cats are hilarious in any situation as well as having an over active imagination, I give you……. *insert drumroll here* my very own Jasper memes! 😛 No doubt my cat would disown me if he knew how badly I was degrading his noble stature on the internet, but what he doesn’t know can’t hurt him right? 😉

And lucky number 15, a reaction typical of my boyfriend and I when talking to Jasper 😛

I need to get out more 😀

Until next week lovelies 🙂